Spirituality: Worship/ Group Process
SPIRITUALITY: WORSHIP/ GROUP PROCESS
195. Quaker Worship and Techniques of Meditation (by Scott Crom; 1974)
About the Author—Since 1960 Scott Crom and his family have resided or sojourned at Pendle Hill in a variety of capacities. He is currently on the Board of Managers. He and Nancy Crom are members of Rock Valley MM, held in their living room. The present pamphlet has its roots in a long standing interest in comparative philosophy and religion. “The immediate impetus came from: the general growing interest in techniques of meditation; [personal contact with] Yoga; personal contact with Transcendental Meditation.
[Introduction]—There is a considerable range of opinion on the subject of Quaker worship in relation to techniques of meditation. [For some], Quaker worship and silence is a form of meditation, and some Quakers adopt symbolic positions in worship and [have simple rituals before or after worship]. I have heard people privately express uneasiness about such forms. I offer the following considerations to show the advantages as well as the dangers which lie both in sheer innovation and in tradition for tradition’s sake.
Objections to Meditative Techniques—1st, meditation involves a purposeful activity; Quaker worship consists in “waiting upon the Lord.” There is no gimmick [which] coerces God to reveal God’s self, or by which we can assure that the Divine Source will speak to or through us during worship or any other time. In “dry spells” we can only believe and trust that the heavenly dew will come again and refresh our souls. Our fundamental duty and privilege is to worship God for what God is and does, regardless of any benefit that might accrue to us.
2nd, meditative techniques are for self-benefit. [Quaker] seeking for God by going into our inmost heart does not mean that our approach is for our own benefit. Most would say that we worship God because God is God, and the appropriate recipient of worship. [Other objections include]: the use of structured forms; the idea of a superior teacher or “guru”; exclusiveness or secrecy; meditation as thinking; methods based on philosophy/ religion very different from Christianity.
Yoga, Hindu, and Buddhism [do not agree with] the spiritual pluralism of Christianity, with God as a different order of being, or with the world being a real and good place. Is it possible to take over a meditative technique for the sake of its psychological helpfulness, and to discard its philosophy? [Advocates and objectors] should listen carefully to what the other is really trying to say and see [what can be used to strengthen our traditional manner and what will not fit in our worship].
Historical Precedents—Quakerism has long used aspects which might be called “techniques,” and Jesus taught his disciples how to pray. He also taught that we should not make much in public of our religiosity, and that if we have anything against our brother, we should make things right with him before approaching the altar. [Newcomers] may be attracted by the freedom of ritual, but later wonder how to “use” the silence; Friends they ask may not know either. How do I center down?
Generations ago the situation was different. Then, children regularly attended meeting for worship along with their parents. The contemporary beginner doesn't have the benefit of this long period of exposure. Children of not many generations ago also had a more solid background in religious literature than most meetings give their young people today. A mind well-stocked with religious material would find it much easier to avoid the free-associated wandering that many of us experience. [As a result], there is a deeply felt need for something to take the place of the knowledge and skills our forefathers had, and whose lack many Friends now feel.
General Features of Meditative Techniques: [Fully Present Meditation & Body-Mind Link]—In the Eastern sense, meditation isn’t intellectual activity, but an increase in the quality & depth of awareness. Meditative insight seeks to encompass full & concrete immediacy, the unique presence of an experience. [Reviewing knowledge of objects similar to the one before you] fails to be fully present to this [object] here. Meditative insight is full, concrete, trying to rise above subjective & objective to become fully personal or supra-personal.
For Western Christianity, increasing awareness of reality would in fact be an increasing awareness of God. One feature of Oriental meditation is their awareness of the closeness of between body and mind. [In the West,] Plato sees the body as a virtual tomb for the soul. St. Paul makes a sharp distinction between spirit and flesh. The vast majority of us regard the body as of a different order from the mind or the soul.
In Yoga, purusha is pure consciousness without any content. The prevalent Western view identifies consciousness with its stream of contents. In both Vedanta and Sankyhya, the ordinary mind is not a different kind of being from the body, our emotions, or our senses. In Vedanta the individual self disappears because it is identical with the Self, the Brahman behind the world, whereas in Zen the individual self disappears with the insight into the absolute transiency of all existences and experiences. By a different route the mind or the soul is removed from the pedestal on which Plato put it.
General Features of Meditative Techniques: [Posture, Breathing, & Imagery]—Most Eastern meditation forms insist that the body's posture has a definite effect on the state of one’s mind or attention. Over thousands of years experience Easterners have found that the lotus posture, once one has learned to assume it easily, requires the least attention to maintain. In Yoga, kundalini, or universal energy lies coiled at the spine's base like a serpent; with proper meditative practices, it gradually awakens & moves upward through the chakras until we achieve full enlightenment.
[For breathing], it is important to note that breathing can be either voluntary or involuntary. By the right kind of attention, and the right exercises and habits, we can begin to cross that interface between the 2 realms of consciousness, and become aware of major aspects of our personal reality which [used to be] inaccessible. Hatha Yoga can teach control of other aspects of the nervous system which we have usually thought to be independent, such as heart beat, body temperature, and certain muscles.
Another feature of meditative techniques is the use of imagination, particularly visual and auditory. [Short prayers are repeated inwardly. In the case of Quakers,] the inward repetition is supposed to sink so deeply into the soul as to change permanently its orientation. Visual imagery is also used, sometimes having great complexity. It is interesting to note that most Western languages are strongly oriented toward the visual. [There are] “closed eyes” Friends and “open eyes” Friends. [The main argument of “closed eyes” Friends is that they] make their visual sweep early in the meeting, and then close their eyes and use the internal eye for holding in the light. [The main argument of “open eyes” Friends is that] it is important to be aware of other worshippers, often gazing briefly at and “holding in the Light” those other worshippers.
Differences in Meditative Techniques—Our concern here is with forms of meditation which one might wish to incorporate into Friends’ meeting for worship. Concentration consists in focusing on one item, & closing out all others. A fully concentrated person actually withdraws his senses & becomes blind & deaf to everything except object of his inward attention. [Awareness in meditation] moves in exactly the opposite direction. One tries to be as open as possible to all forms of input, both external & internal. The practitioner is cautioned not to cling, not to follow a thought or analyze an idea. One’s mind should be a clear mirror, which does nothing but reflect. In the beginning stages, one is sometimes advised to pay particular attention to a specific kind of input. Concentration and awareness seem absolutely opposed in method, yet they appear to lead to becoming more aware of the operations of our attention, [either the tendency to be wayward, or the tendency toward habits that enslave. We learn our own mind, self, or ego, together with its mental processes.
The Way of Awareness—[There is a method of meditation called] “The Way of Awareness.” This method proceeds in 3 stages within each period of meditation: focusing; awareness; “closing off” or “closing down. In focusing, one can either choose one’s personal symbol of goodness, or let it by “given” to one. There came before my mind’s eye a symbol of considerable power, & over several weeks of practice that symbol underwent various changes, entirely of its own accord. [In the awareness phase], one sits with hands open and facing up, and no longer focuses on the symbol of goodness which was used primarily to set the stages and pull oneself together. One lets anything and everything pass through the mind and the senses, not clinging to or following any particular train of thought or sensation. In “closing off,” one turns the hands over to a closed-fist facing downwards position. [This stage] is likened to staying tuned in, but turning down the volume. [I have had experiences pointing to the effectiveness of this stage].
Meditative Techniques & Friends Worship—I regard the method described above as that most compatible with Quakerism. Its 1st phase corresponds with “centering down.” The 2nd phase of receptive waiting is easily translatable as waiting upon the Light. [The 3rd “closing off” stage doesn’t have a corresponding stage in a Friends meeting]. The body is more important than most of us realize. [The body’s posture can be] conducive to day-dream & mind-wandering, [or at the other extreme] a barrier to awareness. [Also], if our attention is occupied with maintaining a visual or auditory symbol, then we are cut off from any leadings which the Spirit might see fit to give us. Although God is infinitely powerful, God has so arranged things that it is very easy to shut God out. When the Spirit stirs & the rough outline of an insight or message comes & is meant to be shared, should we take a few moments to arrange it in articulate order, or deliver a semi-articulate, inspired message?
Friends can learn some important lessons from meditative techniques. One lesson is that it is possible to train faculties by methods which increase openness, sensitivity, & ability to listen. We can make things easier for God & for us. [If we don’t train ourselves to “get on the right frequency” & stay there, we are rather] like a radio where someone is twisting the dial back & forth; only occasionally do we hear a brief snatch of intelligibility.
I happen to believe that the former “old time” background and context of a Friends meeting for worship is preferable to today’s. If we cannot return to conditions prevailing a century ago, then let us at least learn what we can from contemporary movements and interests, always being careful not to lose sight of the values and assets of the past which have helped to make us what we are.
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366. Invitation to a Deeper Communion (by Marcelle Martin; 2003)
About the Author—Marcelle Martin of Chestnut Hill Monthly Meeting (MM) is a graduate of Shalem Institute's Spiritual Guidance Program. She was part of the inner city, live-in Fairhill Friends Ministry & a regular participant in weekly peace prayer vigils. The leading to write this pamphlet came to her when she recognized that different groups to which she belonged experienced a call to worship together for extended periods. She was drawn to learn more about early & contemporary worship experiences of Friends. She thanks fellow worshipers, those who shared experiences here, & those who sustained gatherings on Worship, Ministry & Eldering.
Part One: The Power of the Lord was Over All—This pamphlet explores the divine invitation to worship in communion with the eternal Wisdom and Power that was at work among early Friends and that still wants to work through us in our day. The early Friend John Gratton wrote of his first meeting: "There was little said in that meeting ... I was sensible that they felt and tasted of the Lord 's goodness, as at the time I did; and though few words were spoken, yet was I well satisfied, [comforted, and refreshed]."
In describing meetings in Long Island, Boston, Barbados, and elsewhere, traveling minister Joan Vokins notes how the Power came over groups after a time in worship: "God's Eternal Heart-tendering Power was over all." What was it about the worship, beliefs, and lives of the first Quakers that made their religion so powerful and had such a transforming effect on the world in which they lived? Robert Barclay wrote: "When [one] has been completely emptied of self, and the natural products of self-will have been thoroughly crucified, [one] will be fit to receive the Lord ... [and] the little seed of righteousness which God has planted has a place to arise ... Our worship consists neither in words nor in silence as such, but in a holy dependence [on] the mind of God." Early Friends recorded that in many instances it required a long period of silent waiting and self-emptying before they experienced the divine power present among them. Edward Burrough wrote: "We met together often, and waited upon the Lord in pure silence ... as often we did for many hours together ... being stayed in the Light of Christ within us, from all thoughts, fleshly motions, and desires ... we spake with new tongues as the Lord gave us utterance, and as God's Spirit led us."
Meeting for worship could be a painful experience, for not only did the Light reveal the path to a holy life, but it also showed one's errors or sinfulness [and necessary changes] that would bring scorn or persecution. [Friends making such changes were often] rewarded with a spiritual peace they had long sought in vain. Friends spoke of living in the cross, accepting the death of their own will in order to live in God's will. Resistance to God's will would be gradually removed by the Light of Christ.
Robert Barclay wrote: "I hungered more & more for the increase of this power & life until I could feel myself perfectly redeemed." In receiving & becoming purified by the Light of Christ within, one could eventually become perfectly receptive & obedient to God's will. Friends proclaimed that perfection—being made whole in God—was a possibility for everyone. The most radical teaching was that people could grow fully to the stature of Jesus. George Fox lamented: "How should they be able to bear being told that any should grow up [into] ... the stature of the fullness of Christ, when they can't bear to hear that any should come, whilst upon earth, into the same power & Spirit that the prophets & apostles were in?" And he said: "to as many as should receive him in his light, I saw that he would give power to become sons of God, which I had obtained by receiving Christ."
Quaker historian Doug Gwyn wrote: "Those who responded to first Quaker prophets felt apocalypse breaking forth in their very bodies [in the form of] quakes, groans, and swoons ... The sense of empowerment these women and men felt, as they discovered their own bodies to be the site of Christ's return to glory, was earth-shaking in its implications." Elizabeth Bathurst wrote of God bringing her to eat at the table in God 's heavenly home: "For now God hath taken me into God's Family, and makes me sit down with the An[cients] of God 's House, at the Table of God's Blessing where God feedeth everyone with Food convenient for them." Francis Howgill wrote: "[We] came to know a place to stand in, and what to wait in, and the Lord appeared daily to us ... insomuch that we often said to one another ... 'What, is the Kingdom of God come to be with men?" ... We entered into the Covenant of Life with God."
Part Two: Living in Holy Times: Rekindling the Fire—Early Friends gave courageous witness & suffered willingly so that free & true worship might be possible in their time & ours. Professors at Swarthmore College meeting for worship offered little lectures that didn't speak to my condition. Yet something I experienced in the silence one morning took me to a deep place inside myself. [For the first Friends, such] an opening was often profound enough for the spiritual communion to be transmitted even to skeptical newcomers or hostile visitors. Individuals are needed today who are willing to let the passionate fire of God's love & wisdom burn relentlessly in their hearts, consuming everything that is false and shining the Light upon all. Many Friends today have been increasingly under the weight of a leading to help renew Quaker spiritual vitality [and closer acquaintance] with the living power and presence of God. My own journey has brought me into the company of Friends [like this].
Part Two: Living in Holy Times: Learning About Quaker Worship—I was led out of the liturgical church by the idea that there is no God, and by being unaware of any direct experience of the Divine. At a Pendle Hill conference led by Quaker healer John Calvi. I became the focus of healing prayers at a meeting for worship for healing. Though silent, I could feel their prayers for me. A biography of George Fox inspired me and I resonated with his powerful message that we can be taught directly by God and that the Light is within us.
I dreamed the meeting was a school where the deaf learn to hear & that I should stay. Beginning to hear again, I made changes in my life with precious support from some elders in the meeting. I attended a meeting where a newcomer delivered a war & peace message exactly like what a recently deceased member of the meeting used to give. There was continuity of spirit, an electrified hush, a uniting in tender feeling, awareness of & awe at the Spirit's power & presence. A much respected Friend named the whole experience a gathered meeting.
I first visited the old Newtown Square meeting in the fall of 1995. I had been raised with a love for Jesus, yet felt uncomfortable with many aspects of Christianity as taught in the church of my upbringing. At this meeting I sensed that I would encounter Jesus the way the first Christians had, as a direct presence in my life and as my teacher. The only form of Christianity I could embrace was one that had room for my mystical experience of God intimately permeating and uniting all things.
10 local Friends who'd had mystical experiences met to worship. When we settled into silent worship, I sensed a golden light glowing, vibrating, singing. We felt a strong energy that seemed to make it easier to quiet our minds and enter more deeply into the divine presence. We could also stay in that state longer than when we were alone or in our meetings. In one early meeting, we were contemplating John Woolman and how the death of his will made him a pure vessel for Christ; a profound change occurred. We were taken deeply inward. Time seemed to slow, or expand. The air became thick, [like] a tangible cloud of the Spirit; there was a sense of returning to a familiar state. Another Friend described the thickness as "Something Holy is entering this room [and I say as much]. I feel it entering me, entering all of us ... It is not invasive at all ... in 'taking its place' amongst us. I sense such Love flowing into us, such acceptance of us from this Presence.
During this group's second year, we began to talk of a desire to stay in worship longer than an hour. On several occasions we stayed in worship 1½ or 2 hours. The Quaker Contemplative Community also began extended worship. Some Friends felt led to organize conferences of Friends with mystical experience. I sensed a powerful, almost overwhelming energy [connected with this conference]. God was sending a huge force of divine light to humanity & the earth, a force so large that it couldn't be sent to individuals, but only to groups gathered & focused on the divine will. God wants to infuse this Light into religious bodies all over the planet.
It was wonderful to be at Pendle Hill with 50 others who had consciously experienced the Divine in transforming ways. Our experiences ranged from very subtle inner motions, like John Woolman's, to more dramatic revelations, visions or consolations, like George Fox's. Friends present were called upon to bring together the Light we'd been given and rekindle the bright fires of Quakerism.
A Leading Develops—In the final meeting for worship of that gathering, I once again felt a group being "covered" by the Spirit. The air felt thick and we were gathered into a subtly electric Presence. Several Friends quaked. I felt truth in the words, "We're living in holy times." We were communing with the Divine in a way that revealed an underlying oneness among members of the group and a deep essential unity with God. It was a direct communion with God that brought us all into communion with one another. A wordless knowing in my mind is that This kind of worship could be a common experience among Friends today, as it once was. That final meeting seemed to extend into the eternal; it felt timeless and remained gathered for much longer than an hour.
During the worship, Louise Mullen and I felt an invitation to a deeper union with God, a personal invitation that came with a leading to do something for Friends. That fall we attended some Pendle Hill Monday night lectures on the subject of ministry. "Worship sharing," where the speaker shares spiritual experience or insights is different from true vocal ministry, which gives voice to a message with a divine source. The old gatherings of ministers and elders, with its deeper worship and the chance to hear vocal ministry from other meetings helped Friends develop more discernment about their own impulses to speak during worship.
Gifts of ministry & eldering weren't sufficiently recognized or nurtured by meetings. Neither meetings nor individuals were held accountable for them being well-used & received. The result has been a decline in the quality of worship, & a diminishment of spiritual vitality. Newtown Square Meeting hosted something like the former gatherings of ministers & elders. We gathered 3 times a year, & by the 5th meeting, 45 people were present.
Challenged to go Deeper—After 2 years and 7 programmed gatherings, we decided to take the bold step of leaving the entire morning free for unprogrammed worship at our next gathering. [After doubts and early restlessness], that first extended worship was a spiritual banquet of ample silence and rich ministry. [The morning Inner Light continued to shine throughout the rest of the day. The sense of spiritual banquet returned with each gathering], and I come away feeling I've received food for which my soul is very hungry.
For a long time our group struggled with giving up planning and placing the whole day's program in God's hands. [There were logical arguments] against doing so. Others sensed our gatherings provide a precious and all-too-rare opportunity to practice radical faith in the immediate guidance of the Inward Teacher. At moments during long silences, I found it hard to retain trust in the leadership of the Spirit. I could feel inner resistance being removed, as with a fine sandpaper. Slowly, we came to see that our role was not to plan the gatherings but to prepare for them, to ready the space (both physical and spiritual) for the gatherings to happen, to discern the spiritual needs of those who attend, and hold the gathering in the Light.
Experiencing Extended Worship & Letting Spirit Lead—Participants are invited to do what's necessary to be physically comfortable in extended worship. Worshiping for several hours has a different feel than an hour. One's resistance to being still often melts away & is replaced by spaciousness, freedom, & gratitude. Sometimes 1 or 2 newcomers walk out; most are delightfully surprised by their experience. One Friend writes: Extended worship is really a way to get more deeply into one's inner spirit than one hour. Another Friend writes: "Even when messages aren't particularly spirit-led, the silence's depth is able to absorb them without pulling the meeting up to a more surface level." A 1st time attender wrote: "I could flow with God in God's love & possibilities."
One meeting, God seemed to say to me: It is better to have 12 sincere seekers than 100's who only want a superficial acquaintance with me. It's even better to have a single soul entirely devoted to me. [Instructions received in worship have led to] relinquishing many crutches in the ensuing years. [Once when we left the doors open, nature visited us in worship]. I felt that we were being taught how to return to the peaceable kingdom. After 9/11/01, we met & wondered how to respond to the crisis. What are we willing to risk for our faith?
A Friend arrived at Abington Meeting with intense back pain: "After a while, I opened my eyes, looked around at the precious souls and knew that the same powerful love I felt in my body had permeated the entire room ... I bathed in this awareness of the Great Love, feeling no pain in my body ... this love is eternal and it is only this which can sustain and bring peace to these chaotic and painful times ... [Another meeting] I was being shown the stepping stones leading to yet another deeper place and was not awake enough to respond ... Extended worship creates a space for the Divine to teach me in deep and often powerful ways not always to my liking.
Someone who was afraid to come, found her perception of time had altered: "The nature of time seemed to have changed into a slow, thick "present"—or maybe presence ... Space appeared to me as a thick liquid medium in which we were all swimming ... [later in the afternoon] I had the impression of hearing words very deeply." In our silence and waiting we were providing an opening for God, a womb through which a fresh manifestation of the divine could be born into this world.
Monthly Meetings—What might monthly meetings glean from extended worship experiences to help deepen the weekly meetings for worship? I believe meetings have much to gain from relaxing the usual 1 hour limit when the group is still at the divine table at the usual closing time. Newtown Square Meeting has worshiped as long as 90 minutes. One purpose of our gatherings for worship is to help us grow in our ability to worship at all times. Weekly meetings for worship are greatly deepened when some or many members take regular time for spiritual reflection, prayer, retreats or extended worship. Upholding worship with prayer for inspired vocal ministry can also help the meeting. Meetings for worship on special occasions, especially during times of widespread distress and fear like 9/11/01, are also helpful. Having some members begin First Day worship in advance of the general starting time may help others be drawn into a quiet state quicker.
Other Experiments in Extended Worship—A class at Woodbrooke (UK) has included worship lasting 2 hours; a New England YM, Pendle Hill, a Friends General Conference retreat for traveling ministers, and Philadelphia YM sessions have included periods of extended worship. Memorial Day weekend 2002, 70 women from 6 YM's participated in 2½ days of extended worship and discernment at the Burlington conference center in NJ, gathered with a concern for peace; extended worship was held several times daily.
Eager to find ways to express our feelings about peace & to end global violence, we sometimes moved from worship to planning without waiting enough for the Spirit's leading. Ideas emerged for specific actions, as did a general call to participate in planetary transformation of consciousness, a new awareness of global oneness. The Presence that weekend felt motherly; teaching us how to be receptive; how to empty ourselves of our ideas & motivations in order to be filled with divine power. We were deeply nourished by the spiritual food we received.
Part Three: A Spiritual Dispensation for our Time—Many Friends today feel a desire to take a prophetic stance. It is important to remember that Biblical prophets not only condemned injustice & called for compassionate social order, but also called for a return to authentic worship of God "in spirit & in truth." Our witness will lack in power unless it springs from our deep spiritual communion with the divine presence and with one another; we were made for that communion. We must await the descent of Spirit with fervent desire and great anticipation, as expectant groups have done throughout the ages. Such worship is about reverence and love for the unified Eternal Being who is greater than all creation and beyond our capacity to comprehend completely.
Early Friends renounced all forms of worship that didn't help the worshiper to meet the Light & Wisdom which lives within their souls. We are now called to be vessels for God's power at work in our world, in divinely inspired words & actions, witness & service for our time. In "speaking truth to power," we must remember we are grounded in a power that is bigger & deeper than the world's oppressive powers. We must increasingly become vessels for that life-giving Power that created & sustains all things, putting our faith in that Power only.
[Mary Penington had 2 dreams that guided her on her Quaker path. In her 2nd dream, she was looking out a window at a dreadfully black and dismal sky, heavy rainfall, and clearing skies. Then she witnessed a visitation by a man and a woman who seemed to be heavenly beings yet were "real persons." Mary prophecized: "This is a vision, to signify to us some great matter and glorious appearance; more glorious than the Quakers at their first coming forth." This suggests that someday there will be a second "spiritual dispensation" in a time of dreadful darkness, another startling appearance of the Divine in real persons—Friends ardently following a leading to become sons and daughters of God. What fruit might be born of a profound renewal of [extended] worship "in spirit and in truth?" We must learn how to empty ourselves of our own willfulness, to wait expectantly upon the Spirit, to stand in the Light while it burns away our darkness and illuminates our path. [In gathered worship we will] be knit into a unity with God that will shatter the hard shells of conventional lives and make us once again filled with divine power, recognizably dedicated to living the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.
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About the Author—Jay Cooper Rochelle serves as an associate professor of worship and dean of the chapel at the Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago. Jay’s life has had Quaker people, experiences, & literature in it: American Friends Service Committee; Community of the Spirit at Bloomburg Univ.; 57th St. Meeting, Chicago; Pendle Hill’s Merton Conference. [This pamphlet on sacrament and silences stems from these experiences].
[In ancient Greece] “liturgy” meant public service done by free people. In liturgy we publicly remember one whose entire life was [service], gratuitous art, the dance of the holy in human form. This one offered himself freely and voluntarily for the life of the world. Jay C.Rochelle
How shall we live when we know in our hearts that the place where we stand is holy ground because God meets us here? How shall we live when we know in our hearts that the time in which we live is eternal because God meets us in it? How shall we live when we know in our hearts that Christ meets us in the faces and hands of our community? Jay C. Rochelle
[Liturgical Background]—I grew up in a liturgical church. God came among us in ways both prescribed and proscribed. A preacher who sought a sermon text in common experience [was not welcome]. Between me and God a great gulf was fixed; God overcame that gulf in the suffering and death of Jesus Christ. From early on I saw contradictions. I didn’t see what the church was for since it seemed that if I found communion with God through Christ that was a movable feast and all I needed was faith. My church did not consider emotion a good thing in religion; I thought emotion might mean you were interested. At 17 I would have said a person didn’t need outward sacraments at all, because faith was important.
For someone with my background at 17, the Quakers were both an immediate attraction & a deep puzzle. What I have come to learn is that among Friends, waiting upon the Spirit attunes people to the Presence in all of life, in order that life itself might be seen a sacrament. I grew up hearing the emphasis put on the external action, & so I find stress on inner meaning of the sacrament intriguing. I am always ready to focus on the inner meaning; I am not yet ready to dismiss the outward form. Caroline Stephens wrote that Quakers were “rational mystics.”
The word “symbol” is used in Quaker writing [about sacraments] to mean that which is the substitute for the reality; “sign” would be more appropriate. [Symbol for sacramental Christians] is that which participates in and evokes the reality. The stress on the inner meaning of the sacraments is both winsome and captivating, but I am a sensual person. A sacramental community transcends barriers of class, race, age, sex and so forth.
Memory and Making—We are remembered into one another as community in Christ. This is a confession which grants insight; it is clinging to that which grants you insight. In the sacrament of bread and wine something is made and not merely done. When we make eucharist, we remember a world permeated by the majesty, love and creative power of the One we call Abba, who sent Jesus as the crossing between time and eternity, space and infinity, past and future, silence and speech, divine and human.
[In ancient Greece] “liturgy” meant public service done by free people. In liturgy we publicly remember one whose entire life was [service], gratuitous art, the dance of the holy in human form. This one offered himself freely and voluntarily for the life of the world. In the skillful performance of a craft I know my spiritual center. The same knowledge arises when I participate in the sacrament. I sing my Alleluia because I believe the Holy Spirit touches me in a kindly way in this blessed play.
Time & Sacrament—Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once. At dawn I sense holiness, filled with wonder & awe, a moment pregnant with Presence beyond my ability to create. There is an assault on my senses which carries the force of conviction. When I am silent enough to look, hear, taste, see, I sense a completeness in the Now, even while I know that I am on a never-ending path. My mind can trick my ego into thinking the pictures are more important than what I see now, or it can wander into the not yet of the future. When I am incarnate, the moment fills with Presence, & I see and hear and taste and touch that Presence.
In sacramental churches, the moment is spread over a yearly cycle. We sanctify time and space as we recall the Holy and Eternal in ordinary time. Because a ritual understanding teaches us that we need times to keep everything from happening at once, we rehearse parts of the Christ story throughout the calendar year, [while knowing] that the whole mystery is contained in the Risen Christ. The chief pointer for this becoming one is called by various names including “the eucharist.”
Among Protestants, Roman Catholics and the Eastern Orthodox the supper is celebrated at regular intervals to commemorate the work of Jesus as messiah of God. The ritual enables a concentrated and sustained focus on the Presence of the risen Christ in the congregation, where Christ is embodied in the members. Over time understandings of suffering and hope grow in my heart and my mind.
My words attempt to explain the sacramental life, but my words can never express the vision, the image, the reality which is disclosed to the eye of faith. This is the vision of many Christians in history. It is the vision that fuels the contemporary community of faith. The oneness of humanity which the table of the Lord proclaims & celebrates comes into being as we try to hold to the promise of Christ who stands as host at the table. Peaceful unity is created by the one who offers us the meal, the one who beckons us with open hands & breaks the bread of hospitality in our midst. Christ serves as mediator for persons above & beyond blood relation, & these people would not enter this particular communion apart from Christ’s hosting of this family meal where there was none before. Through his words & actions we are healed, made whole, made holy, brought into wholeness & health.
What makes this sacrament for me? There is always something more than what appears to be; I think the meaning cannot be exhausted. Some people seem to have natural understanding of God. I consider them blessed, because so many believe in God but have little experience of the reality beyond the word; we live in an age which seeks to prohibit that vision. We retain the sacraments [as a] means that proclaim truth and mystery, and perhaps even miracle. Time is fulfilled and everything does happen all at once in a Quaker meeting for worship; [the “church” year is collapsed into a moment, and it is Easter or Pentecost Now].
Early Christians celebrated the resurrection weekly; everything did happen all at once. With the passage of time & influenced by the Jerusalem church, the one paschal mystery unraveled into a linear series of events, each with its own emphasis. In Quaker worship, the resurrection & Pentecost are one at the core of the tradition; one does not make sense without the other. The coming of the Spirit among sacramental Christians, is anticipated in the eucharist which celebrates both Easter and Pentecost. Quakers seek in silence, the immediacy of that primal and ultimate experience of being at one with God, which the sacramental churches proclaim by means of bread and wine and word. At Quaker meeting my years of immersion and participation in the sacraments shape my expectation of the silent waiting. We become community in Christ as we are remembered into one another.
Community as Body—Fox believed that the New Testament church came into being as Christ was present among his people in all his offices. The visible community only became a true Christian community as the people who gathered manifested these offices among themselves. People are thus the sacrament of Christ’s presence. As Lewis Benson puts it, “the central, operative principle of gospel order is the presence of Christ in the midst of his church, manifesting himself in his many offices.”
Becoming a Quaker member & the welcoming which is subsequent to the process might be called a sacrament, [or sacramentum, if we understand it as] an oath to live in obedience to a way of life or standard of behavior under a certain commander. Early Quakers strove for an understanding of baptism as a sign of living, a “pure & spiritual thing,” on the edge between culture & Christian faith. The real point [of baptism] is to proclaim the news that Christ reconciles us to God, & in so doing has offered us a new place to stand wherein we are on holy ground. The sacrament calls me to live its truth in daily struggles I am given. In each moment of existence I am offered not only God’s Presence but the Presence’s challenge to live ethically in accordance with Jesus’ nonviolent revolution of love. To stress the meaning of sacrament as vow or pledge of allegiance would benefit us all.
The fellowship comes together around a renewal of vision & heart & mind which we might call a sacrament. Fellowship becomes the place to discover sacramental reality as the meeting place between sacred & secular, eternal & temporal, spirit & matter. For Quakers, each person is potentially a sacrament of God’s presence, not by immersion in the outer waters of baptism but by being filled with the Spirit who leads us into all truth.
Christ as Body—Sacraments keep Christ from happening all at once, and Christ keeps God from happening all at once, which we could not stand since we are not given to handling too much reality at once. It is wrong to begin with a biased definition of sacrament and then to name actions of the church which are to be considered sacraments [“authorized” by the church hierarchy]. I know but one sacrament, the Word who is Christ; this Word addresses my condition of alienation and calls me forth to wholeness. A sacrament is a dynamic event through which we discover grace at work in personal, common, and corporate ways.
In my silent awareness of the gift of standing in the Presence, I’m aware of [unworthiness, alienation from God, & then] God’s forgiveness & reconciliation. As meeting goes on, there is a moment of tangible coherence, communion. I have been touched by sacramental worship where bread & wine & words & gestures are present, & I have been touched by the meeting for worship’s silence with quiet choreography of the human spirit in accordance with the Holy Spirit. I bring my experience & understanding of one environment into another.
[John Woolman] had a conviction of the sacramental character of outward things, the mysterious unity of all of life in God. Sacramental Christians and Friends each seek a unity and consistency which is worthy of Woolman in our respective forms of faith. The search is still one at heart. The goal of both styles of worship is strangely the same. Both are drawn to see the world so that the Presence of God is unmistakably clear at every turn and in each nook and cranny; one is drawn by words and rituals, the other by silence and waiting; one experiences the story all at once; one receives it drawn out across the span of a year. As a Christian immersed in the outward symbols, I appreciate most about the Quaker tradition the attempt to show forth and proclaim the Presence of the Holy in the everyday. Often, sacraments of the church have been ritualized and made into religious acts so that they are removed from the everyday, and detached from social community & consciousness.
Questions to Begin with—[Have Friends lost their roots in deep faith, so our ethics have become short-lived & trendy? Have sacramental Christians lost sight of the vision of God as the goal of our liturgy? Have we split off spirituality from secular life and compartmentalize our Self into neat categories? Have we given up the struggle to find a Christian way in tension with the cultures in which we live]?
A peaceful and godly life comes among us when we are truly brought into the healing Presence of God. [We can find this Presence] in both the models for renewal and community we call sacraments and in the silence of meetings for worship and business.
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338 Touched by God (by Kenneth Carroll; 1998)
About the Author/ Foreword—Kenneth L. Carroll, of Easton Maryland, was educated at Duke University. He taught New Testament (NT) & Church History at Southern Methodist University (SMU) for 34 years. He has published widely in NT & Quaker studies [See excerpted Publications List at end of summary]. He was active in Quaker institutions in TX, Friend's World Committee for Consultation, AFSC, FGC, & PH. This pamphlet grew out of talks at Leinster QM in Enniscothy, Ireland (June 1997) & 3rd Haven Meeting (MD, March 1998).
Kenneth Carroll has given a great deal to Friends over the decades since he 1st came to our religious society more than a ½-century ago. He has articulated his Quaker beliefs and practices in a personal way in this pamphlet. His major research and writing has been in Quaker history. Ken Carroll began to spend his summers in Ireland and Britain during the years he was a professor at SMU, [eventually making 45 visits in 39 years], which included doing lectures on both biblical topics and Quaker history while there.
[Meeting for Worship: Being Touched, Grabbed, and Kicked by God]—A stranger came into our Dallas meeting, [and when he couldn't stand the silence any longer, rushed up front, shook his Bible in one hand], and blurted: Why are you people just sitting there? Why aren't you doing something? and rushed out. It reminded me of Samuel Bownas, who "took no account of Preaching, but [rather] slept." The Quaker minister Ann Wilson spoke directly and zealously to him: "thou art no better for thy coming, what Wilt thou do in the End?" Bownas became one of the greatest traveling Quakers at the beginning of the 18th century.
If we have come to meeting with heart & mind prepared for worship, then we are doing the most important thing we will ever do. We will be touched in unexpected—and perhaps undesired—ways. We may experience a sense of direction or redirection or feel our consciences awakened or made more sensitive. Our Korean Friend Ham Sok Han produced an autobiographical work entitled "Kicked by God." Sometimes it might take a kick to get our attention. However God's message or touch comes in the holy time we have together, it must not be ignored. I will share with you accounts of some of the meetings where we were truly touched by God.
[Durham (NC) meeting: Autumn 1946]—My spiritual pilgrimage had taken me away from the church in which I was raised and then to rejection of organized or institutionalized religion as such. I sampled other Christian and even Jewish religious approaches until there remained [only] the Quakers for me to visit. Their peace testimony appealed to me, and I was wrestling with the question: "What can a person do in a world that needs so much help so much healing, so much rebuilding?"
The meeting for worship was about 20-25 people; it slipped from initial joy in seeing each other into silence that became living silence. An elderly, white-haired man with a SC accent uttered a brief message that [spoke to above question]. He had read Elizabeth Fry's biography; she gave her life to meeting needs of wo-men in English prison. It became increasingly clear to David Smith that he was called to meet individual needs that called out for action. [I found] what I had been seeking. In my 1st meeting for worship God had reached out to touch me.
[Golders Green (London YM): Summer 1959]—At London YM, about a dozen of us signed up to go to Golders Green Meeting; we got there by underground train. The train arrived on schedule. One of our number became involved in a lengthy conservation with the ticket collector. She was asked to come along and extracted herself. In meeting the woman spoke of how the collector asked about Quakers, [and how she had broken it off too soon] "I know now that I failed someone in need." Early in the service we had been lifted up—like at the Transfiguration. But then we had been brought back again. We are not meant to stay in that rarified state. We are brought back into the world to serve God. There was a great growth in the Trappist movement at the end of WWII, more than 2,000 members with more joining. Several years later the number had dropped to 500. When asked why they had left, they answered: "We discovered in our withdrawal that we were called to take our place in the world in the service of God and our fellow human beings."
[3rd Haven (Easton, MD); 1960's]—At the time, 3rd Haven was a small meeting of elderly, well-dressed upper-middle-class Friends, some of them more concerned with what other people thought than doing God's will. In Meeting, George confessed that he saw a [scruffy-looking, unkempt, hippie-type], and someone suggested that George ask him to leave, George did so. "I should have said, "We are about ready to start our meeting for worship. Won't you come and join us? I know I failed God and another human being." I have looked back on this meeting as a reminder that we have to be careful not to confuse the "package" with the "contents." [A similar young man helped me when I was immobilized at the top of an escalator].
A woman who had just lost her husband told of how her grieving son, while he was jogging, was joined by an elderly man who said, "I have just lost a son." The woman's son shared his loss, and each reached out to take the other's hand; they finished together. An Advice in Philadelphia YM's Faith and Practice reminds us that we must be teachable in order to teach and reachable in order to reach out.
[Morecambe Bay, NW England (summer 1964)/ 2 More 3rd Haven Meetings (Easton, MD; 1990)]–150 people joined a week-long pilgrimage in "1652 country." The highpoint was the walk across the sands of Morecambe Bay. Our guide carried a long pole to check for possible quicksand. When we reached a river, our leader called for us to have a brief period of prayer. He told us we should not look down while making our way through the swirling water. We should look to the hills on the opposite shore.
A very important Quaker belief is that God may speak to us in a total silent meeting, rather than just through vocal ministry. 8 years ago, I developed health problems and was misdiagnosed. After a 4,000 mile trip and a month of wrong treatment, I went back into the hospital. They found a grapefruit-sized tumor and took a biopsy of it; it was cancer. I went for a walk, and ended up at the meetinghouse for Wednesday evening meeting. I felt a wonderful sense of peace come over me, even though nothing was spoken at the meeting. As John Burnyeat said: "How were our hearts melted as wax, and our souls poured out as water before the Lord, and our spirits as oil, frankincense, and myrrh, offered up unto the Lord as a sweet incense [with not a word spoken]."
A Friend, who seldom spoke, told of how inconsolable her grandmother was when her grandfather died. For 3 days she continued to ask God to be taken also. Then she stopped. "Well, God did not take me. He must have something else for me to do. I had better try to find out what it is." Jesus said: "Not my will, but thy will be done." If we come to meeting for worship with the spirit found ultimately in the grandmother, in Jesus at Gethsemane, God will speak to us in meeting for worship—we will be "touched" by God.
26 [Excerpts from Kenneth Carroll's List of Publications]
BOOKS:
300 Years and More of 3rd Haven Quakerism. Queen Anne Press, 1984
CHAPTERS IN BOOKS:
"George Fox and America," in Michael Mullet (ed.), New Light on George Fox. York: Ebor Press/ William Sessions Limited, 1993, pp 59-68.
ARTICLES:
"The Expansion of the Pauline Corpus," Journal of Biblical Literature, LXXII (1953), 230-37.
"The Place of James in the Early Church," Bulletin of the John Rylands Library, XLIV (1961), pp. 49-67.
"The Nicholites Become Quakers: An Example of Unity in Disunion," Bulletin of Friends Historical Association, XLVII (1958), 3-19.
"Nicholites and Slavery in 18th-Century Maryland," Maryland Historical Magazine, LXXIX, 126-33.
"Southern Quakers and the Race Problem," Friends Journal, II (7/7/56), 423-24.
"Friends Southwest Conference, 1958," Friends Journal, IV (12/20/58), 747-48.
"Walking with Woolman," Friends Journal, VIII (1962), 389-90
"Persecution of Quakers in Early Maryland (1658-61)," Quaker History, LIII (1964), 67-80.
"William Southeby, Early Quaker, Anti-slavery Writer," The PA Magazine of History and Biography, LXXXIX, (1965) pp. 416-27.
"The Anatomy of a Separation: The Lynam Controversy," Quaker History, LV (1966), pp. 67-78.
"From Bond Slave to Governor: The Strange Career of Charles Bayly," Journal of Friends Historical Society, LII (1968), pp. 19-38.
"Martha Simmonds, Early Quaker Enigma," Journal of Friends Historical Society, LIII (1972), 31-52.
"1st Publishers of Truth in Norway," Ibid., LIII (1974), pp. 226-31.
"Friends Consult on the UN," Friends Journal, XXI (1/15/75), pp. 43.
"An American Quaker Colony in France, 1787-1812," Historic Nantucket, XXIV (October 1976), pp. 16-29.
"Quaker Attitudes Toward Signs and Wonders," Journal of Friends Historical Society, LIV (1977), pp. 70-84.
"Irish and British Quakers and their American Relief Funds, 1778-1797," The PA Magazine of History and Biography, XII, (1978), pp. 437-56.
"American Quakers and their London Lobby," Quaker History, LXX (1981), pp. 22-39.
"Singing in the Spirit in Early Quakerism," Quaker History, LXXII (1984), pp. 1-13.
"Quaker Captives in Morocco, 1685-1701," The Journal of the Friends Historical Society, vol. 55, nos. 3 & 4 (1985 & '86), pp. 67-79.
"The Honorable Thomas Taillor: Tale of 2 Wives," MD Historical Magazine, 85 (1990), pp. 379-393.
"MD Quakers in England, 1659-1720," Ibid., 91 (1996), pp. 451-66.
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469. Reflections from a Solitary Meeting for Worship (By John Andrew Gallery; 2021)
[For Summaries of 4 more reflections found on the website, See Summary Editor's Appendix at the end of this summary].
Introduction—During COVID-19, I held "solitary meetings for worship." Instead of "delivering vocal ministry," I wrote reflections on my worship experience [like I did on my prayer vigil in my earlier pamphlet (PHP #358)]. Thoughts and feelings rose in solitary "meeting" differently than in worship with others. I stopped writing in October 2020 to listen more closely for God's next direction for my life to be revealed.
"Entering the Stream"—The only visible companion for today's "meeting" is the Buddha on the bookcase opposite me. Buddha is waiting for "nothingness" while I am waiting for an inspiring spiritual message. In meeting for worship, a resonating message or an expected appearance tells me something I need to know. What might Buddha [or Thoreau say in meeting]? "If one would reflect, let him embark on some placid stream, and float with the current," like a leaf on the surface of the water. Buddhism uses "entering the stream" concept to promote acceptance without judgment—to see things simply as they are and respond appropriately. My task is to be open to the messages brought to me, and be willing to be led without anxiety down paths I would not often choose. Floating, drifting confidently with the current of life, is the only way to God's peace & harmony.
"Easter Sunday"—I observed all Catholic Lent & Easter traditions growing up (e.g. giving up meat, Stations of the Cross); Easter itself never meant much to me. Good Friday meant the most to me, especially keeping silence from noon to 3. As an adult, Saturday was an empty space between 2 events. Faith isn't about who Jesus was, but whether you believe in & intend to follow his message. I think he believed we would find self-centeredness as one of our shortcomings; he suggests a profoundly simple & yet extremely difficult solution.
In John's Gospel, I believe that to "lay down one's life" is to set aside the activities of your own life to help advance another along their journey. John believed that the example of serving the needs of others is Jesus' primary message, the real meaning of love. Stories of people helping each other during this crisis in acts of kind-ness and generosity catch my eye. Being checked up on & checking up on others have become a part of my life.
There seems to be an understanding that we are all in this together and a subordination of personal interests. How will the current situation enable us to realize community and continue this approach to life together?
"Time and the River"—I have lost all sense of time, sometimes even what day of the week it is. During this crisis, time is is a continuous flow, unbroken, undifferentiated, like living in an endless present. Now, the stream I mentioned earlier seems more like a river, and I seem to be traveling in a canoe. Night and day no longer seem to cut up time into distinct segments. The things I pass by, even the notable ones don't seem worth the effort to remember; anticipation is more worth my time than contemplation.
On this "stretch of river," the river is wide & the current imperceptibly slow. I drift & more closely observe the world around me. This "river" eventually comes to the ocean as my life eventually comes to an end. The image of coming around the last bend in the long, sometimes arduous, sometimes peaceful river trip, & seeing the breathtaking, vast expanse of ocean before me fills me with awe & joy. I have a new perspective on the end of life, & look forward to its expansiveness & being absorbed into its fullness. God-energy keeps my life-river flowing & directs its course. I can feel the mystery & reality of its power & presence & that is enough.
"Sitting with Jesus"—I always envisioned in a conversation with Jesus that he would sit opposite me on the other side of the room. If I invited him to sit next to me, Where would Jesus like to sit? Where would I like him to sit? What is the difference between my relationship with Jesus and my relationship with God? Jesus could sit to my right as he led me and I followed; Jesus could sit on my left while I led and he played at least a supporting role. I was neither entirely willing to follow, nor aware of how or where to lead.
What do I mean by being a "follower" of Jesus? How do I live the spiritually centered life in the Kingdom of God Jesus teaches about? Jesus gives relatively little practical advice; God has constantly given me guidance about what to do. How do I be prepared to surrender control over my life & follow where I am led? How do I behave as someone living in God's Kingdom? I will "be guided by love, treat everyone with equal respect, be kind & generous, & help others as much as you can; trust that God will take care of the rest."
"There is a Crack in Everything"—I held my meeting for worship on my building's roof; I could see the Art Museum's roof, a thin line of trees, & the vast, cloudless blue sky. At my worship's end, a small blue-gray bird landed on the roof. This bird had many sounds in what seemed to be an entire sentence in bird language. I realized it was saying, "Good morning John. Peace be with you today." Leonard Cohen's birds say, "Start again." Today is a new day, a new beginning for me to do a little better & inch closer to the person God calls me to be.
Also in the song "Anthem" Leonard Cohen sings: "Ring the bells that still can ring/ Forget your perfect offering/ There is a crack, a crack in everything/ That's how the light gets in." God puts in each of us something that we would call an imperfection or difficulty, which is also a gift which is intended to challenge our self-love and teach us to love others. When I came out as gay to my friends, family & colleagues, the Light came through the crack, and my spiritual longing burst forth. Our crack is our individual path to wholeness if we are prepared to embrace and follow it.
"Siddhartha"—I discovered Herman Hesse in my 20s, and have re-read Siddhartha several times in the intervening years. Hesse's Siddhartha is not the one who becomes the Buddha. This one meets the enlightened Buddha, & while finding him worthy of profound respect, doesn't follow him. Following someone else's beliefs, no matter how true, is not being true to your own experience. So Siddhartha moves on with his own personal search and reaches his own form of enlightenment and peace, and is able to love the world.
George Fox had a similar task: bring people to Christ and leave them there to find their own Christ-experience. How much of our accepted beliefs are other Friends' experiences that we don't actually follow? How often have we had our own Christ experience? How have I put on or not put on some other Friends "suit" of experience, because it fit fairly well, but not perfectly? How important is a solitary search, as opposed to being part of a spiritual community? Hindus have a tradition of burning a copy of the Vedas as a symbol of beginning a search for their own god to follow.
"Marcus Aurelius"—Many [spirit]-friends have come to join me in "solitary meetings: George Fox, Buddha, Jesus, Lao Tzu, Henry David Thoreau, Siddhartha, & Leonard Cohen, birds and trees. Marcus Aurelius visits today. Marcus' primary god among many gods is "Nature," what he calls "Reason."
His timeless &/ or Quaker-like quotes include:
"The spirit-god gave each of us to lead & guide, a fragment of himself."
"All things are woven together and the common bond is sacred, and scarcely one thing is foreign to another."
"Be content with what happens to you. Welcome with affection what is sent by fate. It was for you it came to pass, for you it was ordered & to you it was related. Whatever happens, happens rightly."
"Man lives only in the present, in this fleeting instant. All the rest of his life is either past and gone, or not yet revealed."
"Trust without fear"; "Acceptance with gratitude."
Trust and acceptance are much harder to come by and wholeheartedly embrace in my 70's, which is why Marcus returns to beat those 2 words into my head and heart. He parts with saying: "What remains except to enjoy life, joining 1 good thing after another, so as to leave not even the smallest interval unfulfilled?"
"Eid al-Adha"—The celebration of Eid al Adha in Islam is the commemoration of Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son to show faith in God; it is part of the Hajj; the story is found in both the Bible & the Qur'an. In the Qur'an, both the angel Gabriel and Satan appear to Abraham, with Satan appearing and being driven away 3 times. How do you know, discern that it is God speaking and not Satan? Often when we are led to do an apparent good, it is a lesser good than God would have us do, less than what we are capable of. In leadings, we are being invited to consider the possibility of doing something that it is initially often vague or unclear.
The 1st test of a leading is persistence; if it is true, it won't go away; it will return, perhaps in a different form. The 2nd test is being asked to do something outside my normal comfort zone. The sense I most often have in following a leading is more like a surrender to the inevitable, something approached with "fear & trembling, rather than a task undertaken eagerly, with confidence & joy. Quakers use the phrase "way opens" to describe how resources or assistance will come to help you in carrying out a true leading. Also, I am filled with a sense of peace & contentment that comes from surrendering to the current that pulls us along through the leading.
Abraham's son has no direct relationship with God. When Abraham tells his son God has told Abraham to kill him, the son says that if it is God's will, then Abraham should do it. It seems to me that the test of faith is that of the son, not the father. Faith is a voluntary surrender to what you believe but cannot know for certain is God's will; it is done in fear and trembling with no assurance as to the outcome.
"The Certainty of Faith"—I used to go to the Chapel of Divine Love before the pandemic. The other day I saw a man and a woman approach the convent door. I had the feeling that I was watching the man escort a woman, someone he cared deeply about, as she decided to join the convent. I had a feeling of awe that was still with me 4 days later. I visited the Trappist monastery in Spencer, MA as a young man. I was overwhelmed by the sense of serenity and peace that permeated the entire place and me; I longed to stay there and still do.
I feel this same longing whenever I see someone who makes a strong, wholehearted, & very public commitment to a spiritual life. Anyone letting a spiritual life be a dominant & visible influence on the rest of their life strikes a chord in my heart that confronts me with the reality that there is a certainty of faith that still eludes me. I've been standing knee-deep in the spiritual current's stream for a long time, feeling the current push against me. Something prevents me from taking the plunge & surrendering my life to a larger force beyond my control.
What I truly want is to be "not of the world, but in it," where spiritual life is the dominant context. The world is allowed to enter only in limited ways and on more limited terms. This does not require entering a monastery or convent; it does require a few like-minded individuals equally committed to a similar spiritual life, with whom you are engaged on almost a daily basis, providing mutual spiritual support. Certainty of faith and a supportive community is what I long for and have not yet found.
[Summary Editor's Appendix]:
"Holding in the Light [1 & 2]"—1. When I sit down for meeting for worship on 1st day morning, I visualize the meeting room & slowly look around. I silently say the name of each person as they come into view; I include familiar visitors & unknown persons representing less familiar visitors. Once I have them all assembled, I'll say, I'll hold you in the Light." I am asking God to be present with you & for you to feel Presence in whatever situation you find yourself in; that feeling God's presence will give you the courage & strength you need.
When I do this, I actually try to envision a bright light encompassing you, almost like an aura emanating from your body as if that Inner Light we believe is present in all of us has burst forth and now envelops you. I don't know what the best outcome for you is, and you may not know either; we both may have to surrender our desire to control the situation and accept whatever outcome God has in mind. We must each do our part as best we can and trust that God will take care of the rest.
2. [A half a year later], I hold an acquaintance from Chestnut Hill Friends Meeting in the light. I only knew him in a limited way, from meeting for worship and once a year when he displayed and discussed his artwork and occasionally helped organize the show; I also know he liked dancing. I find that this has produced thoughts about “holding in the Light' somewhat different from those I expressed back in March [in #1].
While I still hold that view, I see it somewhat differently today. How can I hold myself in the Light? What does that mean? In holding myself in the Light, I remind myself that there must be purpose, meaning and good in the experiences that come to me; all are gifts intended to help me along my spiritual journey. It's only our thinking, as Shakespeare reminds us, that makes them one or the other. Holding ourselves in the light is both to ask for God's presence and to be willing to accept the outcome no matter what that may be.
When it comes to holding another in the Light, our task is to see the difficulty for what it is and not pretend otherwise. It is to feel, to the extent we can, the pain & suffering another is experiencing & acknowledge that. We can perhaps imagine it from some similar experience of our own or by imagining how we would feel in the same situation. Then, the Light we hold another in will be imbued with real power—the power that comes from confidence that God, God's goodness & Love is with us at all times. The power to accept all that life has to offer no matter how difficult it seems to our limited vision.
Dear friend, that is the Light I’m holding you in this morning.
"Alone with God"— This week during my solitary meeting for worship, my eyes were drawn to the bookcase on the right opposite where I sit, which contains books about many different spiritual paths—everything from Buddhism, Islam, and Quakers, to A Course in Miracles, Gurdjieff, Edgar Cayce, Native American wisdom, Swedenborg. As a Quaker, I started out on one alternate path and got reasonably far along; then I decided to explore another path. I did this frequently, trying another and another.
I'm only partway up the spiritual mountain, feeling confused and somewhat lost. I wonder if picking one I’ll pick the wrong one; too many paths, too many choices. As I was staring at these books today, I realize that most of these books & founders of spiritual traditions [e.g. Buddha; Jesus; Muhammad; George Fox] followed a similar path. Why did they go off alone into a natural environment away from the world of other people? When a young son was asked why he went off by himself into the woods every day, he said, "In the woods I am different.” Tao Te Ching says, "Let nature renew what men undo."
I feel more open and more connected to the divine reality behind creation, as did Buddha, Jesus, Muhammad, Fox, and others; in that "solitude they heard more clearly the living word they brought with them." As to what they did while there, I cannot say for sure. However, their teachings suggest that they turned inward to connect with that living word they brought with them.
For early Quakers, the idea of turning to the Inner Light seems to have been both a primary belief and a primary practice; it almost seems that it was the only thing early Friends believed in. Direct experience of the Inner Light seems to have taken precedence even over the Bible. Turning to the Inner Light has not been a feature of my own spiritual practice. There seems to be a reliance on other people’s experiences that have been organized into a list of testimonies and a book of guidelines without having had the actual experiences ourselves. How has sitting silently alone these past few weeks been turning to the Inner Light?
"Healing Begins"—Healing begins when we take responsibility for our part in the pain. I spoke those words in a meeting for worship focused on racial healing. What did 6 Black people need to hear from me? I concluded an apology was in order, & that idea opened the door for the spirit to put words in my mouth. "I know the pain of racial discrimination extends to my lifetime & to the present moment; ... I implicitly condoned it. I would like to apologize for myself & my society, white society, & all we have done to you & your ancestors. I hope you will forgive us. For myself, I pledge I will do whatever I can to make sure it doesn't continue.”
My message was explicitly directed to the 6 Black people who sat in front of me & was intended to come from me personally to them personally & individually. I wasn't then, & I'm not now asking for forgiveness: that seems inappropriate & only to relieve my guilt. I can only apologize; if forgiveness is withheld until I truly earn it, that seems appropriate & just. White society owes a genuine, sincere, & explicit apology to all Black citizens. We may think with legislation & laws we have taken responsibility and apologized; in truth, we haven't.
We are the ones that need to initiate that healing; Black Lives Matter has invited us to do so. We need to apologize to each Black person we know and meet. We need to know one another's hopes and dreams, the things we share in common so that we can truly see that we are all part of one human family with the same hopes and dreams for our lives and the lives of our children. There may also be a need for reparations or other solutions. But an apology is an essential place to begin.
Let us declare 2021 a Year of Reconciliation. Let each of our meetings reach out to a religious congregation in the Black community— one that is geographically and economically different—and offer an explicit apology for our own and our society’s actions. Then let us begin a sustained yearlong process of getting to know one another as people and seeing what solutions for future change God may inspire us to find together. At the end of a year, we can collectively come together to share results. Together we may be able not only to find a way to heal the pain but also a path toward a world in which all God's children will know only love and respect.
Postscript—Each of the essays I wrote were inspired by a specific influence. While I thought of them as unrelated to one another, it became clear there was a "sub-text"—a message for my Self alone. I felt the desire to dive into the stream and let it carry me to the [Unknown], free of past beliefs and all I learned from others. Writing these reflection gave me the courage to make that leap and, strangely enough, to stop writing, waiting to see what I will discover or what will discover me. I have an appreciation for the COVID-19 pandemic, which sent me into self-isolation and created the opportunity & conditions that enabled me to hear God-within more clearly.
Queries—What spiritual metaphors have worked for you with your spiritual journey? What is your experience of trusting in the Divine & letting the Spirit or Jesus guide you or lead you? What has been the "crack," imperfection in your life, that has let the Light in and been a path to a deeper & richer life? How might a spiritual community support its member in finding the truth for themselves while maintaining cohesion? How do you test and develop your leadings? How do you not be tempted away from the greatest good you're capable of? What do you long for in your spiritual life? How do you aspire or not to surrender and certainty? What role does a community have in your leap of faith?
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373. Group Spiritual Nurture (GSN): The Wisdom of Spiritual Listening (by Daphne Clement; 2004)
About the Author—Daphne Clement, M. Div., is currently a doctoral student at Columbia Seminary, Atlanta. Daphne has 7 years' experience facilitating nurture groups, first in San Francisco and more recently in Atlanta. She has been deeply nurtured herself by the group process. In January 2002 Atlanta Friends and friends of Friends began a biweekly Spiritual Nurture Group (SNG). It sustains a rich depth of community. There is an element of mystery alive in loving human interaction.
[Introduction]—In Quaker meetings & in churches around the country, groups are learning to come together to find spiritual nurturance. The waiting worship & [silent] reflection of SNG often reveals a sacred quality in personal & communal life that brings fresh spirituality. Spiritual nurture has a long history. Frank Houdeck defines Spiritual Direction as "patient effort to recognize God's mysterious, [all-pervasive], loving presence."
SNG was born at Pendle Hill [while] exploring the group spiritual process. Peter Crysdale carried the idea to California, where he & Margot Campbell-Gross started a group at the 1st Unitarian Church of San Francisco. Several new groups were started by members of that 1st group. Many of us create a social veneer that deprives us of authentic, caring, intimate spiritual relationship & leaves us longing to experience God's love. In an SNG, we can practice new depths of relationship & communion. In a group, with our stories, we can name our living relationship with God, each other, & the earth; together they bring wholeness & a creative response to the world.
The Structure of an SNG—GSN follows a certain pattern. Ideally, when a new group forms, a few of its members have already participated in another group; usually a facilitator helps members learn the process. A typical group has 6-10 members; a meeting lasts 3 hours; the commitment is generally 1 year. The stages of the process are [numbers indicate minutes taken for each stage]: Gathering (30); Silence (20); Check-in (3-4/ person, 18-40/ group; Spiritual Autobiography/ Spontaneous Writing (40); Creative Reflection (5-10); Time for Business (5); Self-Discernment of Next Presenter (time as needed); Silent Break (5); An Individual Presentation (5-15); Group Reflection: Responding to Presenter (60).
Gathering takes place for a brief social period & snack, a "breaking of bread," communion. Silence & worship is from Quaker worship, GSN's center. Sitting in silence allows a group to become more open & fully aware. One may speak out of the silence. Participants Check-in for 3-4 minutes/ person) in no particular order. Spiritual Autobiography/ Spontaneous Writing comes when members write on a [spiritual experience] topic, a specific episode from life as a story, a narrative. Holding mystery within simple stories is one of the reasons the Bible has endured for 2000 years. Our stories, recorded & shared with spiritual companions over time become a spiritual autobiography. [Topics have brought out stories about washing grandmother's 2nd floor windows, of dim sum & fear of rats, & of facing fear of the dark]. As they listen to one another, tender intimacy is gained.
At each meeting, one person has the opportunity for Creative Reflection on one's life experience at greater length. The reflection can be art, singing, dancing, or reading poetry. This is a time for illustrating life events in creative & perhaps sacred ways. Time for Business plans for the next meeting—snacks, leading the writing exercise, or facilitating. Self-Discernment of Next Presenter (time as needed) is done in silent reflection with the question: Is it my moment today, to speak of the prayers, images, or events living within me?
One can ... listen someone into existence, encourage a stronger self to emerge or a new talent to flourish. Good teachers listen this way, as do terrific grandfathers and similar heroes of spirit. Mary Rose O'Reilly
For up to 15 minutes, An Individual Presentation is given. We can, if we are willing, gain new understanding of gathered community's power. Speaking truth from the silence, we become more authentic human beings. Presentation does ask one to reveal Self "with full honesty." The "mysterious dimension of experience" needs to touch the presenter, & [then be shared with & faced by the group alongside the presenter]. Waiting together is the essence of Group Reflection: Responding to Presenter. Group reflection is a spontaneously spoken prayer. [If in responding an individual offers a query, followed by enough silence], the presenter will speak one's own prayer. Thomas Merton wrote: "Spiritual direction isn't just [all] the ... encouragements & admonitions we need ... It is spiritual." Spiritual nurturing isn't about solutions; it is about being with, accompanying, companioning.
Examples of Spiritual Nurture—At a San Francisco meeting, a presenter spoke of a long, painful, difficult parental relationship; the group listened & the silence held her. We sat together aware of each other & of her pain for a full hour [set aside for response]. During her creative reflection at the next meeting, the woman reported that it had been a very significant healing moments in her life. My own 1st experience was with my grandfather Popsy. I was 16 & announced that I didn't believe in God. Popsy asked questions that were gentle, neither probing or directive. I suspect he recommended that they leave me alone. My "I don't believe" thought faded away; Popsy was a wise & capable spiritual nurturer. Mystery—subtle & unexplainable movement toward being more wholly "who we are"—that is the essence of spiritual nurture; acceptance [of "who we really are" is key].
Group Spiritual Nurture in Community—An objective dynamic Presence enfolds us all, nourishes our souls, speaks glad unutterable comfort within us, and quickens us in depths that had before been slumbering Thomas Kelly. Our busy Western culture does not allow much space for silence or waiting as a community; that is generally considered [to not be part of] communicating. Most of us long for and yet fear this kind of spiritual connection. The resistance to deep connection is self protective and painfully isolating. SNG can create a structure in which participants may enjoy personal and community renewal through spiritual companionship.
Relationship with silence and waiting naturally encourages a new depth of listening. As the comfort with, the silent awareness of each other and the presence grows, [a "praying heart" develops that] is beyond intellect and theology, beyond social or cultural background. Finding our praying heart forms true community. As we are nourished inwardly, we become more conscious and are freed to nourish others as well; inner work becomes social action. Authentic self and living to our fullest human potential is born in a gathered community.
Listening to Group Members—Members of San Francisco and Atlanta groups have said the following:
Fred—[I was invited by Margot, my individual consultant and my group's facilitator. She guided us] back to the silence and out of "fix-it" mode. The group gave me a place to put out my feelings against religion; negativity ended in the group. Meditation I knew—silence I didn't know. It was quite some time before the silence really started to be not just an empty void. In becoming aware of God's awareness of you, everything else pales by comparison. The more I understand God's presence as being there, the more all-encompassing God's presence is. I [now] understand praying to be a living dynamic, [part of] living my life.
Meriel—Spontaneous writing took me to the very moment & reminded me how I felt [in a] rich, textured, complex, & caring [moment]. I joined [SNG] not really understanding what it was. I was looking for a way to be with people [in community] that was about spirituality. I value the privilege of being with people as they unveil [their true human] selves. The sincere humanness here helps me to see humanness in other places. [I now see in my clients] behind the problem a whole set of human hopes, fears, expectations, stories; I listen differently.
Seeing people as more multidimensional has led to more understanding of their complex legal problems. I can sometimes find solutions that come from within the situation. Just showing up allowed a deepening, a blossoming. We listen from a wider understanding of faith & hope & a consensus that is of the spirit of faith & love. I have real grudges about postmodern cynicism that has stolen faith in faith. It's the worst thing to call that terrific loving force immature, unsophisticated, naive. I have faith in faith because of Group Spiritual Nurture.
Shae—I came into the group feeling burnt out & knowing I needed to slow down for my health. I wanted to take a year off from meeting responsibilities & to find ways to grow spiritually. I risked speaking my truth, although it was contrary to everyone else's & experienced the group listening & accepting without judgment. I was reluctant to expose weaknesses to the group; I knew I wouldn't be fully connected until I risked it in a presentation. [I shared] my struggles to establish boundaries without feeling unloving or ungenerous. Feeling the Group's grace allowed me to stay focused, not defending myself, but on what I think is most important, Light within.
Lately, my spiritual formation seems to be running parallel to what's happening in my physical life. Because of the consciousness awakened in the group, I've realized that neither my heart nor my house can be cleaned very well if I neglect the Spirit. This community gathered around me [in my difficulties] and joined with my spirit; that endures. The writing, the "A time I ..." sometimes feels like a collective experience. [The spiritual discipline I encourage others to practice is the discipline] inherent in the commitment to regular attendance and to following the format. I feel our group is becoming "spiritual yeast" for the meeting.
How do we seek awareness of God's presence so that all things take their rightful place? All of us in the group are seeking awareness in various ways. Respectful, listening silence is something we don't experience often outside of Meeting for Worship. In silent breaks we are learning to be active in the silence, to sit with it, to speak out of it, to pause—to allow time for the spirit to change everything. I am drawn to Thomas Kelly's idea of constantly being in a state of prayer, being aware of God's presence. Doing something as simple as swimming laps can become a joyous prayer. Each time we convene—& often in between—I realize it is well with my soul.
Margot Campbell-Gross—I think group has been a very supportive environment for me—to learn to trust the silence more—both in groups and in 1-on-1 conversations. What has happened to people in the group is quite amazing. I see that the silence is a fertile space and that growth is rooted in it. In group I don't share the things I am wrestling with that have an impact upon the life of the congregation. [In spite of that], I am being nourished. It is quite rich for me, being part of other people's exploration [in the silence]. I would love to see more groups forming in the church because I think it changes the atmosphere of the church. It spreads out into the larger world, [thus] extending itself into social justice work. The groups both deepen the life of the community and help individuals transform themselves. The more God's presence is explicitly manifest in a group like this, the more presence is felt throughout the community. God is just here—commonplace, everywhere—in laughter, anger, and in moving the chairs around. [It works best] up where it is visible [and noticed]—more tangibly here.
Peter Crysdale—The original vision [in 1997] wasn't a vision at all—it was a surprise, which is the way that God speaks to you and me. [The early influences for the group were Henri Nouwen in the 1980s and the Benedictine Rule of 400 years ago, both of which involve listening, or more specifically the wisdom of spiritual listening]. Mary Rose O'Reilly and I began trying to listen to one another. After a year of this I discovered that I had ears in the heart sense. I started describing myself as a listener first, then a preacher.
I began studying heart listening in the monastic spiritual tradition. Franciscan spirituality says that there is the believing/knowledge approach to God, & the affect/ loving approach; they aren't mutually exclusive. The early Franciscan affect/ loving approach, the desire & hunger for God—that really spoke to my condition. If someone could companion me in this, the longing could be listened into the deep; listened more fully into existence. Other people can help us to recognize the "Footprints of God" & know that the Spirit has crossed our path.
I experimented with leading silent retreats at Pendle Hill, carrying on the tradition Douglas and Dorothy Steere had been doing for years. Somehow, except for a few Quakers, the practice of waiting, praying, listening in silence became obsolete and waiting was no longer a spiritual verb. Most of us find technical voice, functional voice, but finding deep authentic voice was one of the things that human beings were about. I realized that companioning people as they go more deeply into their existence was a way of doing spiritual direction.
We deeply need safe places where we can receive the gift of spiritual nurture. There we open up and discover the warmth of human connectedness and love. In SNG, we are born to Self as we are gathered in community, which may be a powerful force for change. By finding our "praying heart," we form true community. SNG offers an opportunity to experience and get a feel for our most within place, our praying heart, with others. It creates opportunities to take notice of, listen to the leadings of, and experience the presence of God daily. A moment by moment conscious understanding of life as sacred, as holy, is perhaps the ingredient we need the most to be able to move into the 21st century in peace and wholeness.
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