Reconciliation
RECONCILIATION
About the Author—Margery Post Abbott was the Northern Pacific Yearly Meeting (YM) Outreach Committee's 1st clerk, & worked to strengthen widely scattered small meetings stretched across WA, OR, ID, & MT. She helped develop 3 publications offering guidelines for visitors & visited, worship groups, & small meetings. This pamphlet is an outgrowth of her meetings and friendships with Evangelical Friends in the Pacific Northwest.
[Introduction]—I have come to terms with a fuller understanding of Quaker faith & practice in a worship group of Evangelical & Liberal women. God's presence has opened me to unexpected depths in my own faith. The worship group's years of regular meetings have brought us to a point of real friendship & trust. It forces me to confront my prejudices about Evangelicals. I affirm anew the centrality of prayer, stillness in worship, calls to action in the world, & communicating how I have come to know God & the paradoxes I find there. George Fox's "experimental" knowledge of God in the 17th century spoke of the practical experience of religion. Today the same word conveys ideas of testing our faith through failures and successes like this unlikely group of women.
THE WOMEN'S GROUP—In 1985, one Evangelical and one Liberal woman formed a friendship as they traveled together and shared their experiences at various Quaker gatherings. They brought together several of us from Multnomah Monthly Meeting (MM) and Reedwood Friends Church, originally to encourage each other in our individual ministries & leadership roles within the Society of Friends. For close to 10 years, the "Multwood Group" of 8 to 10 women has met to discuss readings and provide spiritual support. Northwest YM (Evan.) and North Pacific YM (Liberal) are at opposite extremes of Friends' traditions in the US, and are both isolated geo-graphically and organizationally from the Quaker majority in this country.
In the Multwood Group the distinction among Friends have acquired individual faces; our [growing] understanding has been direct and personal. One from each YM has been drawn to the other tradition. Others are suspended between the 2 traditions. All are seeking a fresh voice within the Society of Friends; all are learning new ways to act out our faith. The Group has used a book focus, worship sharing, or a focus of concern in their format over the years. Evangelicals still struggle with women's roles in Northwest YM. In North Pacific YM, the struggle is more the balancing of [meeting service, personal life, and being true to ones self.] Both groups seek to recognize the feminine qualities of God. Willingness to listen is a critical aspect of our experiments.
MAKING CONNECTIONS—Several in the Multwood Group worked together on Friends World Committee for Consultation projects for years before meeting to explore spiritual journeys; we were quite tentative to begin with, checking out prayer & worship traditions & language [with the "other" tradition]. We needed to learn trust before we could speak easily of what others would see as alien or painful belief & actions. All of us have gradually taken on new language. "Leadership role," "external responsibility," & "formal position" later came to be spoken of as "ministry," a process of discerning God's leadings for us. The similarity & individuality of spiritual lives becomes evident as we opened up. An Evangelical Friend & I shared an interior wall image that was cutting off part of ourselves from the Light; I chose a window to let in the Light, while she found doors in the wall and flung them open. [I then had the sense that] we were accompanying one another on our spiritual journeys.
ENCOUNTERING EVANGELICAL QUAKERS—After 20 years of ignoring Christianity, I have come to know that the vivid workings of God in me are the inward teaching of Christ. I am pushed hard [to learn of] the reality of Jesus' divinity. I grew up in Philadelphia meeting with unprogrammed worship; I assumed that no musical instruments was permitted and that "hireling ministers" were against the basic tenets of Friends' practice. I was rather naive about the changes in, and the spectrum of Friends' worship and theology. The Multnomah Meeting was the only unprogrammed meeting in Portland, OR's long list of Quaker churches.
I encountered at the 5th World Conference of Friends in Kenya the full range of world Quakerism, [which helped] me understand the Friends churches near where I lived. In Kenya, I experienced the energy of worship there on 4 occasions. The Conference generated [Liberal and Evangelical queries of the "other tradition"]:
Evangelical Queries Liberal Queries
How can you know someone's worshi- How can you listen for the word of God
ping if they aren't singing & praising if one is always talking?
God?
How can you expect people to stay How can you find what God wants if awake for an hour of silence? someone's telling you what to believe?
You mean you don't believe in Christ? You mean you actually believe in "Hell?"
How do you learn of God if you don't
read the Bible [and talk about
belief in God]?
These questions suggest the challenge of us participating in a 1 body or falling under 1 name. I'm pushed [into exploring] the roots of my faith, finding my own voice for [vocal ministry] & seeking what is essential to being a Friend. How does "worshipping in spirit & in truth" link [the variety of] Friends together today?
VOCAL PRAYER—Prayer is between me & God, unspoken & intimate, & [mostly not to be a shared experience]. Resistance from several in the group has made prayer uncomfortable for the whole group. I shared disliking worship sharing with some of my Evangelical Friends. We set aside an evening for talking about prayer & joining in vocal prayer, some verbally, some silently. Christ Jesus was present in a prayer & ["laying on of hands"] for facing the coming death of someone's husband, for those of both traditions. The rapid pace the Evangelical women practiced left no space for silence, our own words, or for holding another before the Inward Light; I couldn't trust the process.
One woman said she uses spoken prayer to be pulled into awareness of God's presence. As the prayer group becomes centered, prayers take on a life of their own; they build on each other. In the strongest prayer experiences, only the healing's depth & the strength of being uplifted is remembered, not the words. In this, the words take on the character of a gathered meeting, a sort of communal mysticism. [I can't get into the rhythm & pace Evangelical women use in prayer, but I am beginning to comprehend the experience].
WORSHIP/ VOCAL MINISTRY—I love silence that creates space for encounter with God in silent worship; Evangelicals desire song, prayer, & a challenging message. Sometimes I go over the week's needs, for friends, or a problem's solution. Other times I'm drawn into awareness of Presence, instruction, or prayer. I seek to hear the Spirit spoken during worship; words not for me find their own place. In Kenya, 1991, I felt a new depth in preaching & song & became aware of a melding of words & silence. The language "barrier" took me outside preconceived notions about preaching's & programmings' limitations, & allowed me to worship with these people.
Evangelical Friends' concepts of individual ministry & service, & "releasing" of individuals for paid service in speaking ministry & pastoral duties bumps up against my understanding of "hireling ministry" as antithetical to Friends. What is true to Quaker practice in Evangelical Churches is the time of expectant waiting, anywhere from a few minutes to a ½-hour, in which anyone may share vocal ministry. The demand for regular preparation for a certain Evangelical woman pastor is a challenge. to keep alive to Christ's touch in the people she meets & in daily life's rhythm of; messages come from unexpected places. She creates a form for the message's spirit that will speak to others; God's work is as direct in sermon preparation as it is in an hour of silent worship.
There are times when a pastor or sermon-giver recognized a prepared message as inappropriate & either spoke afresh, or invited the meeting to worship in silence. For me, daily meditation, or prayer nourishes me, leads me to the center that is in God. Potential messages arise & are held until they find a place in spoken words or the printed page. As I sought guidance I came to know new richness in worship & found a greater patience as clerk of the meeting to listen to the conduct of business through a difficult issue. I am challenged to acknowledge that preparation can be part of a more intentional practice as long as the speaker is faithful to the Holy Spirit.
ACTING OUT OUR FAITH/ WHOLENESS —The Evangelical Board of Missions spends 40% of the Northwest YM budget; and encourages faithfulness in "heeding Christ's command to make disciples of all peoples." Elton Trueblood writes: "Mission has intrinsic value because it combines worship and ministry, evangelism and work." Near the Lugulu Hospital in Kenya, Quaker villages typically had no excessive drinking, no domestic violence; they had opportunities for formal education and much more. Starting in the 19th century, the fervor of Evangelical revival led to mission work throughout the world. I have not the knowledge to sort out the pressures of economic and cultural "imperialism" from the benefits of a Euro-American education and work ethic and a way of living out of faith in God that gives people a means of finding their way through these changes.
Being a Friend has meant to me "living in the life & power which takes away the occasion for war," rather than a specific system defining God or Jesus' Divinity. Public declaration of faith & bringing people to the same beliefs is alien to me. Each of us has to discover the workings of God in our life. We come to know something of God in one another through individual loving acts guided by God; the words we use are not the deciding factor.
Evangelical women brought me to the 1st International Wesleyan-Holiness Women Clergy Conference. The Holiness Conference was full of energy from passionate sermons & prayers, & often hard for me to comprehend as related to Quakerism. "Wholeness is ... living in God's will ... obedient to the Light Within ... regular meditation & worship ... listening to the Inward Teacher ... full use of gifts given us daily ... acting out the love from God by loving those around us ... deep joy there for us in God through ... pain as well as happiness. Seeing holy potential in our brokenness, coming to a harmonious place in the world about us is common to all Friends.
SHARING ABOUT BELIEFS—I took up Evangelical challenge to respond to questions about original sin, trinity, & other doctrine. This exercise helped me know myself & deepened the trust & comprehension between Evangelical Friends & I. Times of prayer, worship out of the stillness, finding ways to speak as I am led, calls to action, & desire for wholeness are integral to my faith. My beliefs are full of paradoxes. The ways of God found in Jesus' parables, the Tao Te Ching, Judaism's proverbs, Zen Buddhism's koans, & all world's transformation & compassion stories. There is an ocean of darkness & the ocean of light and love that flows over it.
Evangelical Friends ask: How can Liberal meetings call themselves Quakers without accepting the basic beliefs of early Friends? [I ask: How can Evangelical Friends call themselves Quakers while they have "steeplehouses," "hireling ministers," prepared music, and prepared "empty rituals?]" I am not unusual in finding an internal "stop" that inhibits my speaking of Christ. Creeds do not fit my knowledge of the power and dynamic nature of the Inward Christ. Having no "correct belief" allows many of us to be found by and to find God in surprising ways. We go back and forth on these questions and are challenged to explore the unquestioned assumptions in our own faith and practice.
Scarcity of Evangelical Friend pastors, & meetings without significant Quaker base makes them at times indistinguishable from other evangelical churches. Waiting on the Lord in worship, in business, or individual action can be lost in fervor of Christian message & in seeking converts. It is easy to complain that Liberal meetings for worship too often becomes counseling, discussion or social concern. [How does one speak concerns for others & the world in a worshipful, "waiting-on-the-Lord" way? What's the Lord calling on you to say?
[On my journey], I have learned something of proclaiming what I know of God, [in order to] convey the strength, joy, and pain that comes of transformation. I believe that "Christ is the way"; the way is there in multiple faiths, even in faiths which do not recognize Christ; it is possible to sense God without a common language. In opening me to tremendous possibilities, God working within has seared and forced me to recognize the strength of old patterns which drive me away from the leadings of God. I have shifted from valuing only concrete actions to openly recognizing my reliance on God's leadings.
Conclusion & Queries—Enough diversity can be a positive force, by snapping open our own resistance and leaving cracks for God to enter; too much can overwhelm and numb one. Diverse groups require hard work, expectant waiting without [expecting specific results], and periods of personal and group discomfort and faith to wait as long as necessary through "dry" periods. Only acknowledging authentic work of God in all those of faith can bring constructive seeking of common ground.
[There is an essential message of Friends to be relearned with the depth and passion of Fox and Fell]. What links Evangelical and Liberal as Friends is: Belief in direct experience of God or Christ without mediation of priest or book; Everyday Faith at the center of our lives; Affirmation of and inclusion in the world by the Spirit; A ministry linked to the transforming work of God within each of us; Belief in the equal role of men and women in ministry; Willingness to listen for God within each individual; Faith that the entire meeting may discern God's will as individuals seek the Truth; Living in the "virtue of that life and power which takes away the occasion for war; The inner, spiritual nature of the sacraments.
Coming to stand with each other and speak with each other before God, the Eternal Listener, is essential. This experiment can only work if each participants approaches it with an open heart, recognizing the hunger in each of us to know God.
Can we approach one another without expectations, waiting patiently on the Holy Spirit? Can we accept the limitless, surprising ways God can work in the world? Can we speak our own experience with integrity & honor authenticity in another's experience? Can we be present to one another despite differing beliefs, language, or culture? Can we be open as long as it takes for the group to find its own God-center? Can we listen with open heart and be vulnerable to being changed as we change others?
http://www.pendlehill.org/product-category/pamphlets
www.facebook.com/pendlehill?fref=ts
WORSHIP/ VOCAL MINISTRY—I love silence that creates space for encounter with God in silent worship; Evangelicals desire song, prayer, & a challenging message. Sometimes I go over the week's needs, for friends, or a problem's solution. Other times I'm drawn into awareness of Presence, instruction, or prayer. I seek to hear the Spirit spoken during worship; words not for me find their own place. In Kenya, 1991, I felt a new depth in preaching & song & became aware of a melding of words & silence. The language "barrier" took me outside preconceived notions about preaching's & programmings' limitations, & allowed me to worship with these people.
Evangelical Friends' concepts of individual ministry & service, & "releasing" of individuals for paid service in speaking ministry & pastoral duties bumps up against my understanding of "hireling ministry" as antithetical to Friends. What is true to Quaker practice in Evangelical Churches is the time of expectant waiting, anywhere from a few minutes to a ½-hour, in which anyone may share vocal ministry. The demand for regular preparation for a certain Evangelical woman pastor is a challenge. to keep alive to Christ's touch in the people she meets & in daily life's rhythm of; messages come from unexpected places. She creates a form for the message's spirit that will speak to others; God's work is as direct in sermon preparation as it is in an hour of silent worship.
There are times when a pastor or sermon-giver recognized a prepared message as inappropriate & either spoke afresh, or invited the meeting to worship in silence. For me, daily meditation, or prayer nourishes me, leads me to the center that is in God. Potential messages arise & are held until they find a place in spoken words or the printed page. As I sought guidance I came to know new richness in worship & found a greater patience as clerk of the meeting to listen to the conduct of business through a difficult issue. I am challenged to acknowledge that preparation can be part of a more intentional practice as long as the speaker is faithful to the Holy Spirit.
ACTING OUT OUR FAITH/ WHOLENESS —The Evangelical Board of Missions spends 40% of the Northwest YM budget; and encourages faithfulness in "heeding Christ's command to make disciples of all peoples." Elton Trueblood writes: "Mission has intrinsic value because it combines worship and ministry, evangelism and work." Near the Lugulu Hospital in Kenya, Quaker villages typically had no excessive drinking, no domestic violence; they had opportunities for formal education and much more. Starting in the 19th century, the fervor of Evangelical revival led to mission work throughout the world. I have not the knowledge to sort out the pressures of economic and cultural "imperialism" from the benefits of a Euro-American education and work ethic and a way of living out of faith in God that gives people a means of finding their way through these changes.
Being a Friend has meant to me "living in the life & power which takes away the occasion for war," rather than a specific system defining God or Jesus' Divinity. Public declaration of faith & bringing people to the same beliefs is alien to me. Each of us has to discover the workings of God in our life. We come to know something of God in one another through individual loving acts guided by God; the words we use are not the deciding factor.
Evangelical women brought me to the 1st International Wesleyan-Holiness Women Clergy Conference. The Holiness Conference was full of energy from passionate sermons & prayers, & often hard for me to comprehend as related to Quakerism. "Wholeness is ... living in God's will ... obedient to the Light Within ... regular meditation & worship ... listening to the Inward Teacher ... full use of gifts given us daily ... acting out the love from God by loving those around us ... deep joy there for us in God through ... pain as well as happiness. Seeing holy potential in our brokenness, coming to a harmonious place in the world about us is common to all Friends.
SHARING ABOUT BELIEFS—I took up Evangelical challenge to respond to questions about original sin, trinity, & other doctrine. This exercise helped me know myself & deepened the trust & comprehension between Evangelical Friends & I. Times of prayer, worship out of the stillness, finding ways to speak as I am led, calls to action, & desire for wholeness are integral to my faith. My beliefs are full of paradoxes. The ways of God found in Jesus' parables, the Tao Te Ching, Judaism's proverbs, Zen Buddhism's koans, & all world's transformation & compassion stories. There is an ocean of darkness & the ocean of light and love that flows over it.
Evangelical Friends ask: How can Liberal meetings call themselves Quakers without accepting the basic beliefs of early Friends? [I ask: How can Evangelical Friends call themselves Quakers while they have "steeplehouses," "hireling ministers," prepared music, and prepared "empty rituals?]" I am not unusual in finding an internal "stop" that inhibits my speaking of Christ. Creeds do not fit my knowledge of the power and dynamic nature of the Inward Christ. Having no "correct belief" allows many of us to be found by and to find God in surprising ways. We go back and forth on these questions and are challenged to explore the unquestioned assumptions in our own faith and practice.
Scarcity of Evangelical Friend pastors, & meetings without significant Quaker base makes them at times indistinguishable from other evangelical churches. Waiting on the Lord in worship, in business, or individual action can be lost in fervor of Christian message & in seeking converts. It is easy to complain that Liberal meetings for worship too often becomes counseling, discussion or social concern. [How does one speak concerns for others & the world in a worshipful, "waiting-on-the-Lord" way? What's the Lord calling on you to say?
[On my journey], I have learned something of proclaiming what I know of God, [in order to] convey the strength, joy, and pain that comes of transformation. I believe that "Christ is the way"; the way is there in multiple faiths, even in faiths which do not recognize Christ; it is possible to sense God without a common language. In opening me to tremendous possibilities, God working within has seared and forced me to recognize the strength of old patterns which drive me away from the leadings of God. I have shifted from valuing only concrete actions to openly recognizing my reliance on God's leadings.
Conclusion & Queries—Enough diversity can be a positive force, by snapping open our own resistance and leaving cracks for God to enter; too much can overwhelm and numb one. Diverse groups require hard work, expectant waiting without [expecting specific results], and periods of personal and group discomfort and faith to wait as long as necessary through "dry" periods. Only acknowledging authentic work of God in all those of faith can bring constructive seeking of common ground.
[There is an essential message of Friends to be relearned with the depth and passion of Fox and Fell]. What links Evangelical and Liberal as Friends is: Belief in direct experience of God or Christ without mediation of priest or book; Everyday Faith at the center of our lives; Affirmation of and inclusion in the world by the Spirit; A ministry linked to the transforming work of God within each of us; Belief in the equal role of men and women in ministry; Willingness to listen for God within each individual; Faith that the entire meeting may discern God's will as individuals seek the Truth; Living in the "virtue of that life and power which takes away the occasion for war; The inner, spiritual nature of the sacraments.
Coming to stand with each other and speak with each other before God, the Eternal Listener, is essential. This experiment can only work if each participants approaches it with an open heart, recognizing the hunger in each of us to know God.
Can we approach one another without expectations, waiting patiently on the Holy Spirit? Can we accept the limitless, surprising ways God can work in the world? Can we speak our own experience with integrity & honor authenticity in another's experience? Can we be present to one another despite differing beliefs, language, or culture? Can we be open as long as it takes for the group to find its own God-center? Can we listen with open heart and be vulnerable to being changed as we change others?
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www.facebook.com/pendlehill?fref=ts
198. Re-conciliation: the hidden hyphen (by Mary Chase Morrison; 1974)
About the Author—Teacher of the Gospels course at Pendle Hill 1957-1974, Mary Morrison describes herself as 49% Quaker, 51% Episcopalian. A Contributing Editor of The Episcopalian, she has written many articles & one book, Jesus: Man & Master; 1968. She also wrote Pendle Hill Pamphlet #120, William Law: Selections on the Inner Life. The present pamphlet went from a 200-word journal, to dialog & public conversation, to this form
About the Author—Teacher of the Gospels course at Pendle Hill 1957-1974, Mary Morrison describes herself as 49% Quaker, 51% Episcopalian. A Contributing Editor of The Episcopalian, she has written many articles & one book, Jesus: Man & Master; 1968. She also wrote Pendle Hill Pamphlet #120, William Law: Selections on the Inner Life. The present pamphlet went from a 200-word journal, to dialog & public conversation, to this form
“Reconciliation” is an easy word to say, smooth & flowing, speaking itself almost gracefully as a dance. The word is much sharper than it seems, for there is a hyphen hidden in it. Re-Conciliation. [Conciliation] again has to be done in the face of some kind of relationship disaster. That hidden hyphen is a razor’s edge. If we stop & think, we see ourselves to be living on top of that invisible hyphen, [separated from the earth, society, our tradition, our children, even ourselves]. Perhaps this hyphen time in which we live is a good time, because the voices [calling us back] can be heard. Those Paradises that we used to walk toward are so many! And so hard to leave. There is also the Paradise of what one might call the Pax Europa, the sheltered state of the British Empire. [Jesus predicted conflict in Mark 13:8, but we disregard it for our Paradises]. Our Paradises are really Fools’ Paradises. We must [stop walking away], turn and take our fingers out of our ears, and listen, standing here on the razor edge of that hyphen that marks our separation. Will we turn? And if so, how?
The Earth—We have separated ourselves from her by our comfort, luxury, ease. Our style of life is making the earth groan; for we have consumption. In Jesus’ teachings, riches & power are a hindrance to God’s Kingdom, [which may be] finding our own place of freedom on earth in nature’s workings. We will never know [how homeless & out of place we are] if some of us insist on being rich & consumptive. Will we turn? If so, how?
Many changes have come about in the past century as a result of the “conquest” of nature. We are softer—but perhaps we are more sensitive. Perhaps we can put sensitivity & desire for relationship to work. We can begin where we with modesty: own a modest car; keep a modest household; [use a modest amount of power]. We can be local in our buying. As we are modest before her, perhaps nature can show us her fresh face again.
Riches aren't only possessions & freedom from earthbound necessities; riches are also power. Riches are also stupidity, blinding, fettering, & hampering the person who has them in ways they can't even begin to suspect. When we immigrants came here we separated ourselves from the people we found here, & made no attempt to understand their land/ property concepts. Fortunately there were 2 large groups who couldn’t become like us; the Native Americans didn’t even want to try. The Blacks tried, but failed the White European part. Now they show us how we have separated ourselves from the human race. They are calling to us. Will we turn? And if so, how?
[Between Jesus & the centurion], neither of them pretends that the chasm doesn't exist. After showing friendship, the centurion sends & asks; [he recognizes & is sensitive to the cultural differences]. He builds, not a staircase down from his conquering culture to a conquered one, but a bridge on level ground from one to the other. Jesus finds in this direct, simple approach an opening for his power such that he says, “Not even in Israel have I found such faith.” If people are “they” to us, we are also “they” to them. All our sharp and hateful divi-sions of today/ are calling,/ calling to us/ in the wounds/ that we receive and give. Will we turn? And if so, how?
[3 Questions]: Might we be mistaken? Is there something more important than being right? If truth be told, are we speaking it, or is it being heard? [With honest answers to these questions,] all our group differences would serve not to divide us but enrich us, because we would know that only out of diversity itself can our wholeness come. Truth is large enough so that we can disagree and still remain within its boundaries.
Our Children—They have uprooted themselves from the familiar soil, and are far off, searching for a “lost and legendary treasure.” And they are calling, calling to us to search for it with them. Will we turn? If so, how? There is no need to feel guilty about cutting ourselves off from their search. In a sense we didn’t do it. It happened to us. The scientific revolution [caused us to seek] objectivity, investigation, and proof [on the one hand, and to take us] away from the wisdom of our long tradition [on the other]. One bit of ancient wisdom has managed to sneak under our guard; we still know how to take a joke. [We don’t analyze it according to True-False, moral standards, or verifying known facts]. We wait for it to gather its strength, exploding like a delightful bomb with its unexpectedness and aptness; we laugh. That is how wisdom can and should come to us.
[Impervious Wisdom]—Wisdom has a way of being impervious to the impervious. She will always present a blank meaninglessness to all but the most patient and penetrating scrutiny. For most of us nothing has come to us in the first place, so we do not know what we are missing. Is wisdom silent, or are we deaf? We should take to silence and meditation and wait quietly for what may seem like nothing. We need to approach our reading and listening differently, allowing them to feed us.
But we are still in the middle of modern error if we expect her to tell us things; answers acquire meaning through our response. Myths are the everlasting oracles of life. They have to be consulted anew, with every age approaching them with its own ignorance & understanding. [There is] Heavenly Wisdom [to be found in the Bible]. And there is the long human process of coming to know oneself & the world; being real. By the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, your eyes [break down, & you get very shabby]. If we were like this our children would not go away from us. If we were like this our great mythic truths would come and speak freshly to us about the height and breadth and depth of what it means to be human beings together in our world.
Friends and Enemies—If there is disagreement with friends [or household], we know it—we feel it—we cannot escape it. How are real clearness and ease and freshness and grace to come again? We know all the dead end roads that are available: the road into destructive, inappropriate action; the [freezing out, making the other or ourselves no longer a person]. And there is “forgiveness,” Elizabeth Howes asks, “Who has not experienced that deadly kind of noble ‘forgiveness’ that leaves one permanently one-down, in the wrong forever?
The only way out is through, [& through reconciliation]. We must learn how angry & hurt we really are. In that moment, in hell & knowing it, we feel “a sense of Presence.” We are ready to leave at the altar the gift of anger, & go & be reconciled to our brother, who may be coming from the altar too. We may be able to ask creative questions that lets one speak openly to one’s self & to us of one’s anger, hurt, or fear. We may even be able to speak our own anger. If not reconciled, our situation may make us reconcilers for others even if not ourselves. We now know how to move along the cutting hyphen of separation, [perhaps even making of it a bridge].
Our Self—The self calling to the self across that hyphen; now it is not merely a call, but a great shout, a desperate cry. [At one time, our] preoccupations with the external have silenced the voice by calling upon us to assemble & use relatively simple, efficient selves. Now we face the frontier, wilderness, & fear of what is inside one. We are finding ourselves far more complex than we knew. [That complexity is calling to us.] Will we turn?
We can sit in the middle of [modern society’s] network of protections, [but we pay for it in irritability at trifles]. William Law said: “Sufficient indications are these to every one that there is a dark guest within him, concealed under the cover of flesh and blood, often lulled to sleep by worldly lights and amusements; [still, it may] show itself. If it has not its proper relief in this life, it must be one’s torment in the next.”
Our “good,” [simple] selves occupy us like a conquered land, dictating the form that life will take in us. [Our complex selves, full of “fire and life & adventure” revolts against rigid controls. How did we come to be so imprisoned in “goodness?” How did we lock ourselves into so limited a concept of what goodness is? Here is Jesus’ concern for us. We have taken the “good” part we want to play in the world, & made it our whole. But it is only our actor’s mask, our persona, not the whole of us. [What most take as a call to “be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect,” [is a call to be full-grown, complete, mature]. What does this mean for human beings? We need to: listen to what is actually going on inside us; speak it forth in the presence, but otherwise hold it until this wild, untamed, unknown part of us can come forward & let us know what it is good for; use discipline and coordination of what goes on inside of us; living with our many selves until in some sense they become one.
So let us be reconciled to ourselves in affection, toward life; and to other individuals, other groups, other races, and the earth herself, in the same way. What is reconciliation when it is done? It is hard to realize when you look at reconciliation that anything is happening. [In art’s portrayal those reconciled] seem as if they could hardly believe their good fortune—as if they knew they were taking part in a miracle. [In any case, these meetings in art, in Shakespeare’s plays, in life itself] are all after the long grief and pain of separation. And they are full of unbelievable joy—the joy of meeting again, of reconciliation.
William Law said: "For the goodness of a living creature must be its own life. We must all be born again from a principle above nature, or no goodness can be living in us . . . From this birth alone it is, that the free genuine works of goodness flow forth with divine life's freedom, wherewith the Spirit of God has made us free."
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442. Meeting at the Center: Living Love and Reconciling One with Another (by Bruce Birchard; 2016)
About the Author—Bruce Birchard has served as general secretary of Friends General Conference (FGC), on a program committee for American Friends Service Committee (AFSC), & as staff of the Friends Peace Committee of Philadelphia YM. Since retirement in 2011, he has served as a founding member of Quaker Voluntary Service. Bruce wrote the Pendle Hill Pamphlet The Burning One-ness Binding Everything: A Spiritual Journey (#332; 1997), & several articles for Friends Journal. He has addressed FGC, & Baltimore, Iowa & other YM's.
[Introduction]—[In my Friends work, I was] an organizer, an coordinator of the US peace movement, public speaker, event organizer, & writer, [i.e. an activist]. I was surprised when I was asked to speak on reconciliation at FGC 2011 Gathering. I hadn't thought of myself as having done much with reconciliation; I viewed "reconciler" & "activist" as divergent roles. I have been acutely aware of genocide, racism, sexism, & sexual orientation issues, [basic mistreatment of "different" people]. I firmly believe we are to step out of comfortable lives [to actively engage in] bearing witness, confronting evil, challenging powers, assisting victims, bringing change.
I was asked, and I agreed to speak about love and reconciliation, because I now understood that the work of the activist and reconciler are not mutually exclusively. We are all called to do both kinds of work; they are 2 sides of the same spiritual coin. After the South African activists Nelson Mendele and Bishop Desmond Tutu [were able to exercise leadership in a new South Africa], they went to extraordinary lengths to bring their black African communities together with white South African communities.
Mandela created the Truth & Reconciliation Commission, which labored long to bring to light abuse white South African governments & forces had done, in order to move the people toward a multiracial nation. Truth-telling without loving reconciliation, or [love without accepting all the painful, pertinent facts], will never lead to blessed community. Why does it matter that the truth of the situation be known and accepted as true by those involved? Why is love for each other important, as difficult as that may be? [I've found that God is a Verb] as Buckminster Fuller said: God to me, it seems,/ is Verb/ not noun,/ proper or improper; ... Yes, God is verb,/ the most active,/ harmonically reordering the universe/ from unleashed chaos of energy/ What does "God is a verb" mean to you? There is ... a great natural peace ... out of including, refining, dynamic balancing./ Naught [of Truth or anything] is lost ..." God is "in everyone" as our active relationships, actively living & loving one another. I will consider 3 reconciliations: personal; with Friends Society; within a genocidal nation.
My Brother, My Mother, My Father, & Me—My younger brother, "Don," & I, grew up in the 40's, 50's, & 60's in Hackettstown, a small & conservative NW NJ town. [He surprised himself by having a sexual encounter with a college roommate at Reed College (OR). He came home at Christmas with long, stringy hair to an unhappy father & a distressed mother. Father threatened to leave home for the holidays if Don didn't get a crew cut; Don was devastated. Don asked me to come out to OR; [that invite was the 1st step away from killing himself].
Don didn't want to be gay, and had a rough several years. Eventually, he went to a therapist who said: "It's clear that you are attracted to men and not to women. You can spend your life repressing your homosexuality, and not having intimate relationships, or you can accept it and seek love with another man." He soon came out, and was quite "in your face" about it—to everyone except to parents. He said nothing to them about the most important thing in his life. He kept deferring that step because of our fears about the damage this could do to our father and to Don's relationship with both our parents. Eventually Don wrote a letter.
My father was born in 1914, the last of 5 children. He was very smart & graduated Warren High School at his class' top. None of his siblings went to college; 2 went to nursing school. In the Depression's depths he went to Maryville College, then Lafayette College. A distant relative paid tuition, & he eventually moved to Maine to attend their University. Dad met Mother there & they dated for the 2 years he attended until he graduated. He worked as a salesman for the American Sawmill Machinery Company in Hackettstown. He never told his customers he had a college degree.
Mom taught Home Economics at a local high school. Dad left the sawmill machinery business and taught French in 4 different high schools over a 12-year period. He had to quit teaching to avoid a nervous breakdown. He went back to work in a factory and became extremely depressed to the point of suicide. All of this happened at the time Don was struggling with being gay. Then Don sent his carefully composed coming-out letter, and Dad read it. Dad said: "We told Don that we love him as much as always. It's OK."
I was so proud of both my dad and my brother. I often think about what enabled my father to accept Don as a gay man. I believe that, most of all, he opened himself to the feelings of love he had for Don and for the rest of us. Even in his terrible despair, he had put his family first. Even with being upset and angry, and not understanding Don, he held love in his heart. The sources of my father's love were: his parents; his sister, Peg; my mother, Don, me; my wife Demie and our little boys. He was a religious person, and took the teachings of Jesus seriously. My father always wanted to do what was right; this meant accepting his son for who he was. My mother's fierce love for all of us also played a part in convincing him, for he respected her.
In his letter, Don spoke his truth, and I believe my father respected that. My mother and father did ask Don to be less flagrant about his gay identity when he visited small, conservative Hackettstown. Within a few years, my dad began telling his friends that Don was gay, and that he and my mom totally accepted it. That was my father doing what he felt was required of him as a loving and principled man.
Lessons Learned—Reconciliation is deeply personal, involving facts & feelings that are unique to each individual. It is only possible after truth-telling. Both parties will feel victimized or misunderstood, & both must feel heard. Both parties have to overcome fears of the unknown & of change. [Fear was central to the Holocaust, the Indian Partition, and the massacre of Bosnian Muslims]. Nelson Mandela understood the need to overcome fear. He said: "Forgiveness never hurts the soul. It removes fear, and that is why it is such a powerful weapon."
Living Love within the Wider Family of Friends—In 1992, I wasn't familiar with either Friends United Meeting (FUM) or Evangelical Friends Church International (EFCI). Broadly speaking, they were "others" to me. In the "Superintendents & Secretaries Retreat for FUM, EFCI, & FGC officials, I entered a new Quaker world in which Friends read & discussed scripture, offered vocal prayer, & praised the Lord Jesus Christ.
[My Quaker world further expanded to include] Bainito Wamalwa, a 38 year-old Quaker from Kenya, who was the clerk of the Young Quaker Christian Association of Africa. He invited me and Gretchen Castle to Kenya in 2009 to conduct 3 days of board training with a group of about 20 young adult board members. The highly interactive process included: full-group brainstorming, intense small group discussion, reports to the large group, refining, & reaching a sense of the meeting—& flip charts. By the end, they had reconceptualized their organization, developed a plan for restructuring, and agreed to move toward becoming an independent body. [The young Africans were excited by the process]. While in Kenya, we also visited the Friends Theological College in Kaimosi, and small Friends Communities in Turkana in the rocky, desert of northern Kenya. They welcomed us warmly, singing and dancing and telling us about their lives, and we spoke our messages. FUM contributions provided wells, water filters, boarding schools.
Through these experiences and rich conversations, I gained a whole new picture of FUM. Few Kenya Friends are open to LGBTQ, but FUM is engaged with people and communities that are, by our standards, desperately poor. Many were sustained by a deep faith, and out of faith they served others; I saw God as a verb in that desert. I came to see that building loving relationships with people & communities from diverse backgrounds is a real strength of FUM. We are all called to this kind of love and service.
The Path of Forgiveness—In 2010, the Superintendents' & Secretaries' Retreat with the heads of FGC, FUM, & EFCI was planned by Arthur Larrabee & I. Years before, Lon Fendall & Jan Wood from EFCI had initiated the "Quaker Reconciliation Project," in order to "put an end to our own Quaker splits ... to find how God is working among us now." After lunch Jan of EFCI crossed the room & got down on her knees before FUM's Sylvia Graves. Speaking as a member of Northwest Yearly Meeting (NWYM), Jan asked for Sylvia's forgiveness. NWYM had been the 1st YM to break with FUM (1926), starting the breakaway that led to EFCI's formation.
Discussion began about the splits and hard feelings between EFCI and FUM. No one was talking about the tensions between liberal Friends and FUM. I sought to open myself to understanding what responsibility I might have for exacerbating this painful division. I could identify deep respect for FUM, I could also identify a sense of superiority, that I have "grown beyond" Christ-centered and scripture-based faith. I proceeded around the room and apologized to each of he FUM and EFCI Friends. This was a very tender time.
I received a copy of a message an FUM superintendent sent to members of his YM: [Why is it] that the Society of Friends, a peace church, has so much conflict, so many painful divisions in its history? ... Some differences are reflective of differing cultures, styles and preferences ... Others are deeper, reflecting core beliefs and values that may be mutually exclusive. What should be our response to the [basic] differences [between the different branches of Friends]? ... As these branches discussed "reconciliation," a leader from FGC addressed EFCI and FUM superintendents seeking forgiveness for his circle of Friends' unholy attitude. [While any merger is unlikely and unwise] ... I'm beginning to understand reconciliation in a new way ... It has to do with changing our attitude, seeking and extending forgiveness. What would reconciliation look in our YM?"
The attitudes that I had apologized for are "unholy" because they are not consistent with divine love. They undermine the creation of the blessed community. FUM's discrimination against LGBTQ people is wrong; it is a sin. When we apologize to someone we have wronged, it does not work to add conditions or stories about "how they are wrong." The relationships of love and caring we build with one another make possible the sharing of our own understandings so that we can all move forward in the Light.
[At this pamphlet's beginning, I mentioned the invitation I received to speak on reconciliation]. This is the letter I got from Elviem Shelton: "I have a sense that you have been transformed by your moving experiences among Quakers in Kenya ... and your reconciliation experience at the Superintendent and Secretaries meeting, [where you apologized] ... for your liberal arrogance, [I suggest that] you share your recent experiences of "meeting at the center." ... We meet at our spiritual centers. This isn't about compromise of our respective dogmas, or even about coming to unity about actions that threaten to a make a deeper schism between liberal and orthodox Friends. We meet in that which is holy; we find action from that place, which is divine. How can we forgive; and forgive again without losing our center? Liberals have a lot to learn from the lives and experiences of those sisters and brothers in more Christ-centered and scripture-based Quaker churches, who are deeply involved in loving service to others. Let us see what love can do.
Working for Reconciliation in Burundi—While loving one another & talking about differences respectfully is enough for dealing with conflicts in families of origin & faith families, North American Friends have a lot to learn about the hard work of love & reconciliation after terrible violence & the power in such a process; this is an experience that few have had. I am often disappointed & frustrated when I listen to myself & other middle-class North Americans talk about nonviolence & peace testimony without acknowledging that we haven't experienced anything close to the horrors that 100,000,000's of the world's peoples have experienced. There are encouraging developments in various parts of the world & within the UN, to create processes that support such reconciliation, namely the South African Truth & Reconciliation Commission (1995), the International Criminal Court (1998), & similar reconciliation programs in other countries, often with the UN's support.
I'd like to describe the work led by Friends involved with the African Great Lakes Initiative (AGLI), a project of Friends Peace Teams. In the case of Rwanda and Burundi, we have much to learn from them, some of whom have worked their way through terrible trauma to reconciliation, sometimes with the very individuals who tortured or killed members of their own families. [We need to] understand their difficult transitions, and sense the presence of a power beyond us that has moved through these people and these situations.
The conflicts in Burundi & Rwanda were principally between the Hutu majority & the Tutsi minority; Tutsis had long controlled the government & military of both countries. A Hutu president was elected, then assassinated by Tutsi officers; Hutus killed any Tutsis they could find. A brutal campaign of torture, rape, & massacres was followed by both sides. Friends from Burundi, Rwanda, & elsewhere, associated with AGLI, developed a model for trauma-healing workshops that incorporated elements from the Alternatives to Violence Project & began offering them in scores of affected communities. The work was called "Healing & Rebuilding Our Communities."
Each 3-day workshop was attended by 10 Tutsi and 10 Hutu, some them newly released perpetrators. They began by creating a safe space in which people could talk. They introduced the concept of "post-traumatic stress disorder" (PTSD). Participants learned to accept PTSD as fact, learned listening skill, described their own experiences, expressed grief to others, and dealt with their feelings. On the 3rd day, participants paired up, with Tutsis leading blindfolded Hutus, then the reverse.
In one story, a woman lost her husband & brother; in another a woman lost 2 brothers & a younger sister. The 1st woman took part in a HROC workshop and was able to release much of her anger and pain. The other, after the trust work felt that "it was not good to stay in my grief and I had no fear of the killer of her siblings. A group of Tutsi decided to put their desire for reconciliation to work and went to visit a prison where Hutus were being held under bad conditions, including food shortages. The prisoners were suspicious "But by the end we came to see that they really did bring us money and food just out of love." One of the prisoners, after being released, was embraced by one of those who had come to visit. It caused astonishment and a feeling of welcome.
David Zarembka said that reconciliation between Hutus and Tutsis was not stated as a goal of the HROC workshops, because you cannot tell survivors of atrocities that they should just forget; they were invited to recover from their own trauma. Many were led to a safer, more secure place beyond their trauma. [Once again, storytelling, truth-telling, and reconciliation go hand in hand. Paths were provided for for the Spirit to move to overcome hatred and fear in ways that move us closer to the blessed community.
Meeting at the Center—In my examples, speaking the truth and overcoming fear in order to do so opened a way to move through the conflicts toward reconciliation. Beyond the words and fear, there is a force that manifests as a powerful reaching to each other. God is a verb; God is what happens; God is a process. The spark of relationship that flickers up, the more fear fades, the more likely that spark an leap from one soul across alienation's gulf to other souls. That is profound evidence of God happening. That is the reality of living love and being reconciled one with another.
Quaker Queries—How does fear stir violence, and how can it be overcome? How does a feeling a superiority support divisions between people? What does [true] forgiveness mean to you? [What is the source of liberal Friends sounding self-righteous in talking about peace testimony and nonviolence? What happens in workshops that aim at healing a victim's trauma and result in reconciliation? What does reconciliation mean to you? Have you experienced profound reconciliation? What does reconciliation's "power beyond our own making" and "profound evidence of God happening mean to you?
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442. Meeting at the Center: Living Love and Reconciling One with Another (by Bruce Birchard; 2016)
About the Author—Bruce Birchard has served as general secretary of Friends General Conference (FGC), on a program committee for American Friends Service Committee (AFSC), & as staff of the Friends Peace Committee of Philadelphia YM. Since retirement in 2011, he has served as a founding member of Quaker Voluntary Service. Bruce wrote the Pendle Hill Pamphlet The Burning One-ness Binding Everything: A Spiritual Journey (#332; 1997), & several articles for Friends Journal. He has addressed FGC, & Baltimore, Iowa & other YM's.
[Introduction]—[In my Friends work, I was] an organizer, an coordinator of the US peace movement, public speaker, event organizer, & writer, [i.e. an activist]. I was surprised when I was asked to speak on reconciliation at FGC 2011 Gathering. I hadn't thought of myself as having done much with reconciliation; I viewed "reconciler" & "activist" as divergent roles. I have been acutely aware of genocide, racism, sexism, & sexual orientation issues, [basic mistreatment of "different" people]. I firmly believe we are to step out of comfortable lives [to actively engage in] bearing witness, confronting evil, challenging powers, assisting victims, bringing change.
I was asked, and I agreed to speak about love and reconciliation, because I now understood that the work of the activist and reconciler are not mutually exclusively. We are all called to do both kinds of work; they are 2 sides of the same spiritual coin. After the South African activists Nelson Mendele and Bishop Desmond Tutu [were able to exercise leadership in a new South Africa], they went to extraordinary lengths to bring their black African communities together with white South African communities.
Mandela created the Truth & Reconciliation Commission, which labored long to bring to light abuse white South African governments & forces had done, in order to move the people toward a multiracial nation. Truth-telling without loving reconciliation, or [love without accepting all the painful, pertinent facts], will never lead to blessed community. Why does it matter that the truth of the situation be known and accepted as true by those involved? Why is love for each other important, as difficult as that may be? [I've found that God is a Verb] as Buckminster Fuller said: God to me, it seems,/ is Verb/ not noun,/ proper or improper; ... Yes, God is verb,/ the most active,/ harmonically reordering the universe/ from unleashed chaos of energy/ What does "God is a verb" mean to you? There is ... a great natural peace ... out of including, refining, dynamic balancing./ Naught [of Truth or anything] is lost ..." God is "in everyone" as our active relationships, actively living & loving one another. I will consider 3 reconciliations: personal; with Friends Society; within a genocidal nation.
My Brother, My Mother, My Father, & Me—My younger brother, "Don," & I, grew up in the 40's, 50's, & 60's in Hackettstown, a small & conservative NW NJ town. [He surprised himself by having a sexual encounter with a college roommate at Reed College (OR). He came home at Christmas with long, stringy hair to an unhappy father & a distressed mother. Father threatened to leave home for the holidays if Don didn't get a crew cut; Don was devastated. Don asked me to come out to OR; [that invite was the 1st step away from killing himself].
Don didn't want to be gay, and had a rough several years. Eventually, he went to a therapist who said: "It's clear that you are attracted to men and not to women. You can spend your life repressing your homosexuality, and not having intimate relationships, or you can accept it and seek love with another man." He soon came out, and was quite "in your face" about it—to everyone except to parents. He said nothing to them about the most important thing in his life. He kept deferring that step because of our fears about the damage this could do to our father and to Don's relationship with both our parents. Eventually Don wrote a letter.
My father was born in 1914, the last of 5 children. He was very smart & graduated Warren High School at his class' top. None of his siblings went to college; 2 went to nursing school. In the Depression's depths he went to Maryville College, then Lafayette College. A distant relative paid tuition, & he eventually moved to Maine to attend their University. Dad met Mother there & they dated for the 2 years he attended until he graduated. He worked as a salesman for the American Sawmill Machinery Company in Hackettstown. He never told his customers he had a college degree.
Mom taught Home Economics at a local high school. Dad left the sawmill machinery business and taught French in 4 different high schools over a 12-year period. He had to quit teaching to avoid a nervous breakdown. He went back to work in a factory and became extremely depressed to the point of suicide. All of this happened at the time Don was struggling with being gay. Then Don sent his carefully composed coming-out letter, and Dad read it. Dad said: "We told Don that we love him as much as always. It's OK."
I was so proud of both my dad and my brother. I often think about what enabled my father to accept Don as a gay man. I believe that, most of all, he opened himself to the feelings of love he had for Don and for the rest of us. Even in his terrible despair, he had put his family first. Even with being upset and angry, and not understanding Don, he held love in his heart. The sources of my father's love were: his parents; his sister, Peg; my mother, Don, me; my wife Demie and our little boys. He was a religious person, and took the teachings of Jesus seriously. My father always wanted to do what was right; this meant accepting his son for who he was. My mother's fierce love for all of us also played a part in convincing him, for he respected her.
In his letter, Don spoke his truth, and I believe my father respected that. My mother and father did ask Don to be less flagrant about his gay identity when he visited small, conservative Hackettstown. Within a few years, my dad began telling his friends that Don was gay, and that he and my mom totally accepted it. That was my father doing what he felt was required of him as a loving and principled man.
Lessons Learned—Reconciliation is deeply personal, involving facts & feelings that are unique to each individual. It is only possible after truth-telling. Both parties will feel victimized or misunderstood, & both must feel heard. Both parties have to overcome fears of the unknown & of change. [Fear was central to the Holocaust, the Indian Partition, and the massacre of Bosnian Muslims]. Nelson Mandela understood the need to overcome fear. He said: "Forgiveness never hurts the soul. It removes fear, and that is why it is such a powerful weapon."
Living Love within the Wider Family of Friends—In 1992, I wasn't familiar with either Friends United Meeting (FUM) or Evangelical Friends Church International (EFCI). Broadly speaking, they were "others" to me. In the "Superintendents & Secretaries Retreat for FUM, EFCI, & FGC officials, I entered a new Quaker world in which Friends read & discussed scripture, offered vocal prayer, & praised the Lord Jesus Christ.
[My Quaker world further expanded to include] Bainito Wamalwa, a 38 year-old Quaker from Kenya, who was the clerk of the Young Quaker Christian Association of Africa. He invited me and Gretchen Castle to Kenya in 2009 to conduct 3 days of board training with a group of about 20 young adult board members. The highly interactive process included: full-group brainstorming, intense small group discussion, reports to the large group, refining, & reaching a sense of the meeting—& flip charts. By the end, they had reconceptualized their organization, developed a plan for restructuring, and agreed to move toward becoming an independent body. [The young Africans were excited by the process]. While in Kenya, we also visited the Friends Theological College in Kaimosi, and small Friends Communities in Turkana in the rocky, desert of northern Kenya. They welcomed us warmly, singing and dancing and telling us about their lives, and we spoke our messages. FUM contributions provided wells, water filters, boarding schools.
Through these experiences and rich conversations, I gained a whole new picture of FUM. Few Kenya Friends are open to LGBTQ, but FUM is engaged with people and communities that are, by our standards, desperately poor. Many were sustained by a deep faith, and out of faith they served others; I saw God as a verb in that desert. I came to see that building loving relationships with people & communities from diverse backgrounds is a real strength of FUM. We are all called to this kind of love and service.
The Path of Forgiveness—In 2010, the Superintendents' & Secretaries' Retreat with the heads of FGC, FUM, & EFCI was planned by Arthur Larrabee & I. Years before, Lon Fendall & Jan Wood from EFCI had initiated the "Quaker Reconciliation Project," in order to "put an end to our own Quaker splits ... to find how God is working among us now." After lunch Jan of EFCI crossed the room & got down on her knees before FUM's Sylvia Graves. Speaking as a member of Northwest Yearly Meeting (NWYM), Jan asked for Sylvia's forgiveness. NWYM had been the 1st YM to break with FUM (1926), starting the breakaway that led to EFCI's formation.
Discussion began about the splits and hard feelings between EFCI and FUM. No one was talking about the tensions between liberal Friends and FUM. I sought to open myself to understanding what responsibility I might have for exacerbating this painful division. I could identify deep respect for FUM, I could also identify a sense of superiority, that I have "grown beyond" Christ-centered and scripture-based faith. I proceeded around the room and apologized to each of he FUM and EFCI Friends. This was a very tender time.
I received a copy of a message an FUM superintendent sent to members of his YM: [Why is it] that the Society of Friends, a peace church, has so much conflict, so many painful divisions in its history? ... Some differences are reflective of differing cultures, styles and preferences ... Others are deeper, reflecting core beliefs and values that may be mutually exclusive. What should be our response to the [basic] differences [between the different branches of Friends]? ... As these branches discussed "reconciliation," a leader from FGC addressed EFCI and FUM superintendents seeking forgiveness for his circle of Friends' unholy attitude. [While any merger is unlikely and unwise] ... I'm beginning to understand reconciliation in a new way ... It has to do with changing our attitude, seeking and extending forgiveness. What would reconciliation look in our YM?"
The attitudes that I had apologized for are "unholy" because they are not consistent with divine love. They undermine the creation of the blessed community. FUM's discrimination against LGBTQ people is wrong; it is a sin. When we apologize to someone we have wronged, it does not work to add conditions or stories about "how they are wrong." The relationships of love and caring we build with one another make possible the sharing of our own understandings so that we can all move forward in the Light.
[At this pamphlet's beginning, I mentioned the invitation I received to speak on reconciliation]. This is the letter I got from Elviem Shelton: "I have a sense that you have been transformed by your moving experiences among Quakers in Kenya ... and your reconciliation experience at the Superintendent and Secretaries meeting, [where you apologized] ... for your liberal arrogance, [I suggest that] you share your recent experiences of "meeting at the center." ... We meet at our spiritual centers. This isn't about compromise of our respective dogmas, or even about coming to unity about actions that threaten to a make a deeper schism between liberal and orthodox Friends. We meet in that which is holy; we find action from that place, which is divine. How can we forgive; and forgive again without losing our center? Liberals have a lot to learn from the lives and experiences of those sisters and brothers in more Christ-centered and scripture-based Quaker churches, who are deeply involved in loving service to others. Let us see what love can do.
Working for Reconciliation in Burundi—While loving one another & talking about differences respectfully is enough for dealing with conflicts in families of origin & faith families, North American Friends have a lot to learn about the hard work of love & reconciliation after terrible violence & the power in such a process; this is an experience that few have had. I am often disappointed & frustrated when I listen to myself & other middle-class North Americans talk about nonviolence & peace testimony without acknowledging that we haven't experienced anything close to the horrors that 100,000,000's of the world's peoples have experienced. There are encouraging developments in various parts of the world & within the UN, to create processes that support such reconciliation, namely the South African Truth & Reconciliation Commission (1995), the International Criminal Court (1998), & similar reconciliation programs in other countries, often with the UN's support.
I'd like to describe the work led by Friends involved with the African Great Lakes Initiative (AGLI), a project of Friends Peace Teams. In the case of Rwanda and Burundi, we have much to learn from them, some of whom have worked their way through terrible trauma to reconciliation, sometimes with the very individuals who tortured or killed members of their own families. [We need to] understand their difficult transitions, and sense the presence of a power beyond us that has moved through these people and these situations.
The conflicts in Burundi & Rwanda were principally between the Hutu majority & the Tutsi minority; Tutsis had long controlled the government & military of both countries. A Hutu president was elected, then assassinated by Tutsi officers; Hutus killed any Tutsis they could find. A brutal campaign of torture, rape, & massacres was followed by both sides. Friends from Burundi, Rwanda, & elsewhere, associated with AGLI, developed a model for trauma-healing workshops that incorporated elements from the Alternatives to Violence Project & began offering them in scores of affected communities. The work was called "Healing & Rebuilding Our Communities."
Each 3-day workshop was attended by 10 Tutsi and 10 Hutu, some them newly released perpetrators. They began by creating a safe space in which people could talk. They introduced the concept of "post-traumatic stress disorder" (PTSD). Participants learned to accept PTSD as fact, learned listening skill, described their own experiences, expressed grief to others, and dealt with their feelings. On the 3rd day, participants paired up, with Tutsis leading blindfolded Hutus, then the reverse.
In one story, a woman lost her husband & brother; in another a woman lost 2 brothers & a younger sister. The 1st woman took part in a HROC workshop and was able to release much of her anger and pain. The other, after the trust work felt that "it was not good to stay in my grief and I had no fear of the killer of her siblings. A group of Tutsi decided to put their desire for reconciliation to work and went to visit a prison where Hutus were being held under bad conditions, including food shortages. The prisoners were suspicious "But by the end we came to see that they really did bring us money and food just out of love." One of the prisoners, after being released, was embraced by one of those who had come to visit. It caused astonishment and a feeling of welcome.
David Zarembka said that reconciliation between Hutus and Tutsis was not stated as a goal of the HROC workshops, because you cannot tell survivors of atrocities that they should just forget; they were invited to recover from their own trauma. Many were led to a safer, more secure place beyond their trauma. [Once again, storytelling, truth-telling, and reconciliation go hand in hand. Paths were provided for for the Spirit to move to overcome hatred and fear in ways that move us closer to the blessed community.
Meeting at the Center—In my examples, speaking the truth and overcoming fear in order to do so opened a way to move through the conflicts toward reconciliation. Beyond the words and fear, there is a force that manifests as a powerful reaching to each other. God is a verb; God is what happens; God is a process. The spark of relationship that flickers up, the more fear fades, the more likely that spark an leap from one soul across alienation's gulf to other souls. That is profound evidence of God happening. That is the reality of living love and being reconciled one with another.
Quaker Queries—How does fear stir violence, and how can it be overcome? How does a feeling a superiority support divisions between people? What does [true] forgiveness mean to you? [What is the source of liberal Friends sounding self-righteous in talking about peace testimony and nonviolence? What happens in workshops that aim at healing a victim's trauma and result in reconciliation? What does reconciliation mean to you? Have you experienced profound reconciliation? What does reconciliation's "power beyond our own making" and "profound evidence of God happening mean to you?
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131. The Dilemmas of a Reconciler: Serving the East-West Conflict (by Richard K. Ullmann; 1963)
About the Author—Richard K. Ullmann was born in Frankfurt on Main & took his degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Frankfort University. He taught in Canton & Serres, Greece. After some time in Buchenwald he went to England as a refugee from Nazi oppression. He joined the Society of Friends in 1946 & served for many years at Woodbrooke. He was a vice-president & member of the working commission of the Christian Peace Conference in Prague, in the summer of 1958. [His experience with this organization is this pamphlet's basis].
[Introduction]—[My mother, when listening to each side of an argument, would tell each side that she understood, & that they were at fault].
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131. The Dilemmas of a Reconciler: Serving the East-West Conflict (by Richard K. Ullmann; 1963)
About the Author—Richard K. Ullmann was born in Frankfurt on Main & took his degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Frankfort University. He taught in Canton & Serres, Greece. After some time in Buchenwald he went to England as a refugee from Nazi oppression. He joined the Society of Friends in 1946 & served for many years at Woodbrooke. He was a vice-president & member of the working commission of the Christian Peace Conference in Prague, in the summer of 1958. [His experience with this organization is this pamphlet's basis].
[Introduction]—[My mother, when listening to each side of an argument, would tell each side that she understood, & that they were at fault].
Each side began wondering why this sympathetic listener hadn't accepted the self-righteous version of one’s own point of view. [They would take a look at what the other side was saying]. I doubt that my mother was much concerned with the rights & wrongs of a case, nor was she very religious. Friends do something similar in telling each side where it has failed to understand the just grievances of the other. Techniques of personal contact can’t be applied to social & international relationships without adjustment.
Personal & Impersonal Relationships—Individuals are involved not as persons, but as exponents of groups & power systems over which they have little control. Between groups & power systems, “self-sacrifice” asked of groups isn’t a true sacrifice of the self. For the statesman the intervention of the reconciler is at best one political influence among many. Any influence a statesperson has belongs to the category of technical & social action. By using pressure groups a statesperson is pushing one’s own peace policies by hook or by crook. The reconciler’s interest should be directed towards people. If one loses “disinterestedness,” one loses one’s spiritual power.
A reconciler, will hardly appear to the eyes of statesmen as a detached arbiter or mediator to whom they may open their hearts about their mutual entanglements. Even if disinterested, one still represents a policy of reconciliation; one must try to remain God's partisan in a world where varieties of worldliness compete. [At best], one may impress them with qualities different from a politician’s. One will be put by them on the chessboard of politics as a pawn to be used, through whom the opponent may be informed, misled or influenced. One's group culture will never allow one to be just God's partisan. One's sense of collective responsibility is at once a major motive toward reconciliation & a major obstacle to detachment. [One must be prepared to use people & be used].
Used and Being Used—For several years the Christian Peace Conference has convened meetings of Christians from the Eastern, Western, and non-aligned countries of Europe. [It is a struggle for Western Europe to meet with their Eastern counterparts with] a genuine concern for reconciliation, and to avoid any defamation as “fellow-travellers.” Many Western participants have become convinced that their Eastern brethren are deeply concerned for and actively engaged in, overcoming the spirit of the cold war.
[Then we look at the] freedom of Eastern European churchmen to meet with us [anywhere] in Europe at a time when the Government sponsored anti-religious campaign is stepped up once again. If there is no duplicity in the attitude of our fellow-Christians in Eastern Europe, can we say the same for the attitude of their governments? We had better admit without prevarications that our Eastern brethren are being used for communist policy [and propaganda] and that we are being used the same way.
We must refuse cooperation if and when we feel sure that we are being used exclusively for wrong purposes, [while at the same time] be ready to be the bridge over which the others are invited to walk. It is possible to be used by communist governments for the purposes of God, and for those governments to be used by God. God is using them to open the door for our meetings with our Eastern brethren when they need our support. We cannot wish to use our brethren as a 5th column of Western policies. We rather seek to transform “peaceful competitive coexistence” into true cooperation [with and] for all humankind. We are using their governments for our own purposes while being used by them for theirs.
The notion that we must not allow communists to use us for any purposes at all is untenable. [As the extreme opponents on each side] feeds a caricature of the other side to his propaganda machine, he thereby makes himself a caricature & feeds the propaganda machine of his antagonist; enemies need each other for their enmity. Most sane people recognize that the 2 antagonistic systems have become interdependent. Western & Eastern scientists are assisting each other in achieving modern insights of the 2nd half of the 20th century. All such changes happen through people ready to be used. [In determining] the right purpose for which to be used & to use other people, the reconciler has little to go by except his will for integrity in every action, under divine guidance.
Rigidity & Acquiescence—[At home] a reconciler will urge on one’s government such policies as are conducive to freedom & justice for all. In communist countries one will discover that one is modifying one’s position in the direction of gradualism. We know only too well how quickly our attitudes stiffen under outside attack & how hotly we then defend hardly defensible causes, [like defending a brother we normally can hardly stand].
In freeing colonies gradually, aid given by the West to recently liberated and developing countries is [uniformly] regarded as “neo-colonialism.” Aid given by communist countries, [even] weapons, is regarded as sheer altruism and promotion of the inevitable world revolution. All of us are hypersensitive in some respects, all suffering from traumatic experiences or hidden sin, and hidden guilt, and hidden injury.
Rigidity & Acquiescence: [Reconciler’s Way]—Acquiescence is often the only way open to him. Thus he may agree to statements which have become acceptable to all sides only because the words chosen are vague, ambiguous & [freely interpreted]. [But there is value in honest disagreement]. Paul Lacey said, “Beneath the war of words we were learning respect for one another’s thinking and integrity as persons … Well-meaning people often look so hard for the obvious areas of agreement that they ignore the constructive uses of frank disagreement, the ability to see the other’s point of view while maintaining our own.” Without adopting the other’s code, we no longer question his honesty when he follows it honestly. [With all the respect gained for the other], the reconciler is still confronted with the quandary of standing up for his integrity & appearing rigid or of acquiescing in duplicities. The reconciler must be as interested in the possible effects of his words as in their truthfulness.
Objectivity and Focus—Normally Friends only stress the need of understanding the other. Friends [who are reconcilers] consider it equally important to be understood. American Quakers [working at] better understanding between the US and the USSR spend a considerable part of their interpretation as a defense against any suspicion against fellow-traveling. The British reconciler will give as much or as little of the negative impressions as will make one appear trustworthy [and believable]; objectivity is intertwined with the need of persuasion. [In a strange environment away from home one must learn understanding and be understood in one and the same process of tactful exchange. One must put things as they can be seen and understood by others. While the focus of the telescope must be adjusted to the vision of each, they must be directed to look through it clearly and not through the blur of their abnormal sights.
In 1959, the Christian Peace Conference of Prague, rather than have a “day of repentance” for Hiroshima, which would be seen as denouncing the US, they would have a “day of prayer,” and share responsibility for allowing the world to drift [towards an attitude of extreme violence]. It is unfortunate that many an action undertaken for the sake of peace has missed its purpose because too little care or none has been taken to focus it rightly [e.g. San Francisco to Moscow March (1961)]; anti-nuclear protest banners in Moscow (1962); Everyman III in Leningrad (1962). In all three cases the focus and perspectives were adjusted to the West. While adjustments must be made, reconciliation is impossible without truth.
The reconciler must preserve his integrity for the sake of reconciliation precisely while making considerable allowances, again for the sake of reconciliation. [Rather than being rigidly “objective,” he must] enter imaginatively into the conditions of the quarrelling groups, feeling with them their sense of wrong when they feel wronged, understanding when they feel right. [Through this] understanding and love they may eventually be brought to the path of reconciliation, in little steps, and after many a compromise and much acquiescence. All and reconciliation depends on the reconciler’s own ability to reconcile truth and love within one’s self.
Truth vs. Love—The reconciler’s relationships, the psychological aspects, the political involvement, the reconciler’s behavior, & dealing with psychology of antagonistic parties overlap. It is a moral-spiritual dilemma between truth & love. Many Friends would say there can never be conflict between truth & love. Unity of truth & love is symbolized in Jesus’ person, the reconciler between God & humans, & one human to another. We must pay the price of inner conflict of anxiety & spiritual suffering if we wish to be Jesus’ disciple in this service.
In 1960, the Christian Peace Conference accepted a statement that “No Christian should have anything to do with nuclear war or the preparation of it.” 2 years later, after nuclear testing resumed, the motion was made to repeat the statement of 1960. I abstained from voting, [because] it was impossible for me to separate myself from them and their burdens, or to add one more to repeat a truth from 2 years earlier.
Appeasement in the political sense implies a series of concessions made to an aggressor who will not be satisfied eventually with anything less than total victory. There have been very few peace settlements in history which were not impaired by appeasement of some sort. Appeasement by portioning Germany consists not in the acceptance of this solution, but to accepting it without counting the sacrifices involved. People in East Germany feel deeply unhappy in their present situation for quite personal human reasons. People in East European nations surrounding Germany with [their fear of a rearmed Germany], see a separate East German state as the only guarantee of peace and the only way to reconciliation.
The more one enters into the conditions of the people concerned, quite apart from power politics & human suffering, the deeper grows one’s understanding of the truth of their arguments & their sincere feelings of fear, oppression & insecurity. Under the judgment of truth both sides are right & wrong. Only a free sacrifice of some of their own rights, only love could lead them out of the impasse. This is very difficult on the impersonal level.
What is love between groups and nations? With every increase in our understanding of their mutual entanglement, our desire grows to help them here and now, for their own sake as much as for the sake of peace. Understanding both sides is something that brings little happiness [How is] the reconciler to help both sides to an understanding of each other, comparable to his understanding of both of them? With every spoken or unspoken rejection of his friends on either side, he feels himself rejected together with them. Only faith can sustain one in one’s service of reconciliation, beyond any consideration of success and failure.
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Personal & Impersonal Relationships—Individuals are involved not as persons, but as exponents of groups & power systems over which they have little control. Between groups & power systems, “self-sacrifice” asked of groups isn’t a true sacrifice of the self. For the statesman the intervention of the reconciler is at best one political influence among many. Any influence a statesperson has belongs to the category of technical & social action. By using pressure groups a statesperson is pushing one’s own peace policies by hook or by crook. The reconciler’s interest should be directed towards people. If one loses “disinterestedness,” one loses one’s spiritual power.
A reconciler, will hardly appear to the eyes of statesmen as a detached arbiter or mediator to whom they may open their hearts about their mutual entanglements. Even if disinterested, one still represents a policy of reconciliation; one must try to remain God's partisan in a world where varieties of worldliness compete. [At best], one may impress them with qualities different from a politician’s. One will be put by them on the chessboard of politics as a pawn to be used, through whom the opponent may be informed, misled or influenced. One's group culture will never allow one to be just God's partisan. One's sense of collective responsibility is at once a major motive toward reconciliation & a major obstacle to detachment. [One must be prepared to use people & be used].
Used and Being Used—For several years the Christian Peace Conference has convened meetings of Christians from the Eastern, Western, and non-aligned countries of Europe. [It is a struggle for Western Europe to meet with their Eastern counterparts with] a genuine concern for reconciliation, and to avoid any defamation as “fellow-travellers.” Many Western participants have become convinced that their Eastern brethren are deeply concerned for and actively engaged in, overcoming the spirit of the cold war.
[Then we look at the] freedom of Eastern European churchmen to meet with us [anywhere] in Europe at a time when the Government sponsored anti-religious campaign is stepped up once again. If there is no duplicity in the attitude of our fellow-Christians in Eastern Europe, can we say the same for the attitude of their governments? We had better admit without prevarications that our Eastern brethren are being used for communist policy [and propaganda] and that we are being used the same way.
We must refuse cooperation if and when we feel sure that we are being used exclusively for wrong purposes, [while at the same time] be ready to be the bridge over which the others are invited to walk. It is possible to be used by communist governments for the purposes of God, and for those governments to be used by God. God is using them to open the door for our meetings with our Eastern brethren when they need our support. We cannot wish to use our brethren as a 5th column of Western policies. We rather seek to transform “peaceful competitive coexistence” into true cooperation [with and] for all humankind. We are using their governments for our own purposes while being used by them for theirs.
The notion that we must not allow communists to use us for any purposes at all is untenable. [As the extreme opponents on each side] feeds a caricature of the other side to his propaganda machine, he thereby makes himself a caricature & feeds the propaganda machine of his antagonist; enemies need each other for their enmity. Most sane people recognize that the 2 antagonistic systems have become interdependent. Western & Eastern scientists are assisting each other in achieving modern insights of the 2nd half of the 20th century. All such changes happen through people ready to be used. [In determining] the right purpose for which to be used & to use other people, the reconciler has little to go by except his will for integrity in every action, under divine guidance.
Rigidity & Acquiescence—[At home] a reconciler will urge on one’s government such policies as are conducive to freedom & justice for all. In communist countries one will discover that one is modifying one’s position in the direction of gradualism. We know only too well how quickly our attitudes stiffen under outside attack & how hotly we then defend hardly defensible causes, [like defending a brother we normally can hardly stand].
In freeing colonies gradually, aid given by the West to recently liberated and developing countries is [uniformly] regarded as “neo-colonialism.” Aid given by communist countries, [even] weapons, is regarded as sheer altruism and promotion of the inevitable world revolution. All of us are hypersensitive in some respects, all suffering from traumatic experiences or hidden sin, and hidden guilt, and hidden injury.
Rigidity & Acquiescence: [Reconciler’s Way]—Acquiescence is often the only way open to him. Thus he may agree to statements which have become acceptable to all sides only because the words chosen are vague, ambiguous & [freely interpreted]. [But there is value in honest disagreement]. Paul Lacey said, “Beneath the war of words we were learning respect for one another’s thinking and integrity as persons … Well-meaning people often look so hard for the obvious areas of agreement that they ignore the constructive uses of frank disagreement, the ability to see the other’s point of view while maintaining our own.” Without adopting the other’s code, we no longer question his honesty when he follows it honestly. [With all the respect gained for the other], the reconciler is still confronted with the quandary of standing up for his integrity & appearing rigid or of acquiescing in duplicities. The reconciler must be as interested in the possible effects of his words as in their truthfulness.
Objectivity and Focus—Normally Friends only stress the need of understanding the other. Friends [who are reconcilers] consider it equally important to be understood. American Quakers [working at] better understanding between the US and the USSR spend a considerable part of their interpretation as a defense against any suspicion against fellow-traveling. The British reconciler will give as much or as little of the negative impressions as will make one appear trustworthy [and believable]; objectivity is intertwined with the need of persuasion. [In a strange environment away from home one must learn understanding and be understood in one and the same process of tactful exchange. One must put things as they can be seen and understood by others. While the focus of the telescope must be adjusted to the vision of each, they must be directed to look through it clearly and not through the blur of their abnormal sights.
In 1959, the Christian Peace Conference of Prague, rather than have a “day of repentance” for Hiroshima, which would be seen as denouncing the US, they would have a “day of prayer,” and share responsibility for allowing the world to drift [towards an attitude of extreme violence]. It is unfortunate that many an action undertaken for the sake of peace has missed its purpose because too little care or none has been taken to focus it rightly [e.g. San Francisco to Moscow March (1961)]; anti-nuclear protest banners in Moscow (1962); Everyman III in Leningrad (1962). In all three cases the focus and perspectives were adjusted to the West. While adjustments must be made, reconciliation is impossible without truth.
The reconciler must preserve his integrity for the sake of reconciliation precisely while making considerable allowances, again for the sake of reconciliation. [Rather than being rigidly “objective,” he must] enter imaginatively into the conditions of the quarrelling groups, feeling with them their sense of wrong when they feel wronged, understanding when they feel right. [Through this] understanding and love they may eventually be brought to the path of reconciliation, in little steps, and after many a compromise and much acquiescence. All and reconciliation depends on the reconciler’s own ability to reconcile truth and love within one’s self.
Truth vs. Love—The reconciler’s relationships, the psychological aspects, the political involvement, the reconciler’s behavior, & dealing with psychology of antagonistic parties overlap. It is a moral-spiritual dilemma between truth & love. Many Friends would say there can never be conflict between truth & love. Unity of truth & love is symbolized in Jesus’ person, the reconciler between God & humans, & one human to another. We must pay the price of inner conflict of anxiety & spiritual suffering if we wish to be Jesus’ disciple in this service.
In 1960, the Christian Peace Conference accepted a statement that “No Christian should have anything to do with nuclear war or the preparation of it.” 2 years later, after nuclear testing resumed, the motion was made to repeat the statement of 1960. I abstained from voting, [because] it was impossible for me to separate myself from them and their burdens, or to add one more to repeat a truth from 2 years earlier.
Appeasement in the political sense implies a series of concessions made to an aggressor who will not be satisfied eventually with anything less than total victory. There have been very few peace settlements in history which were not impaired by appeasement of some sort. Appeasement by portioning Germany consists not in the acceptance of this solution, but to accepting it without counting the sacrifices involved. People in East Germany feel deeply unhappy in their present situation for quite personal human reasons. People in East European nations surrounding Germany with [their fear of a rearmed Germany], see a separate East German state as the only guarantee of peace and the only way to reconciliation.
The more one enters into the conditions of the people concerned, quite apart from power politics & human suffering, the deeper grows one’s understanding of the truth of their arguments & their sincere feelings of fear, oppression & insecurity. Under the judgment of truth both sides are right & wrong. Only a free sacrifice of some of their own rights, only love could lead them out of the impasse. This is very difficult on the impersonal level.
What is love between groups and nations? With every increase in our understanding of their mutual entanglement, our desire grows to help them here and now, for their own sake as much as for the sake of peace. Understanding both sides is something that brings little happiness [How is] the reconciler to help both sides to an understanding of each other, comparable to his understanding of both of them? With every spoken or unspoken rejection of his friends on either side, he feels himself rejected together with them. Only faith can sustain one in one’s service of reconciliation, beyond any consideration of success and failure.
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228. With thine adversary in the way: a Quaker witness for reconciliation (by Margarethe Lachmund; 1979)
About Publication & Translator—[This pamphlet is a translation] from Margarethe Lachmund zum 80. Geburtstag, published in 1976 to commemorate her 80th birthday. The translator, Florence Kite, was at Pendle Hill as Joseph Platt’s (our business manager) secretary; she met Margarethe in 1952. She was Executive Secretary of Intergroup Relations for Philadelphia YM & visited German Friends during the ’56 &’77 YMs; she visited East Germany in 1970. She was assisted in translating & knowledge of Margarethe by Theresa Hoehne.
Foreword (Florence Kite)—Margarethe Lachmund (1896-1985) is a German Quaker, a warm wise, loving woman held in deep affection by a host of us in Germany, in America, & wherever else we may have had the privilege of knowing her. Margarethe attended the Friends World Conference at Swarthmore in 1937. She was impressed by Frederick Libby, Rufus Jones, & Henry Cadbury. [This piece] isn't really about agreeing with your adversary; it shows how to reach out in a spirit of trust while holding fast to truth and avoiding fear & hate. Other parts of the original include a 1946 talk given to a women’s group in Greifswald about organizing civilian relief during the Russian occupation.
Until 1946, the Lachmunds lived most of their lives in the province of Mecklenburg (East Germany) in a number of small towns. They suffered because of their opposition to the Nazi party, and were separated by her husband’s imprisonment by the Russians for 8 years. 1948-1954 she served as executive clerk for the German YM; 1954-1962 she served as clerk of the YM’s Peace Committee. Margarethe is an extremely modest person. It was with great difficulty that she was persuaded that her story had relevance to non-German readers.
Only if we live in such inward relation to God that the right sort of love streams from us shall we have the courage and strength to witness for the truth. Toyohiko Kagawa
[Introduction]—All My Life I have found myself placed between people of different sorts and differing views. When I had completed my professional education I went as a governess to a castle in Mecklenburg in East Germany. There I lived through the revolution of 1918. I often found myself standing in between the open-minded but conservative Count and the Social-Democratic workers.
Hans Lachmund was a democrat, & a passionate believer in republican government. His German National, [Christian Socialist] fiancé caused surprise if not uneasiness. I left the German National party because they didn’t disavow their right-wing members' violent attempt to overthrow the National Assembly. After our marriage, I joined the Peace Society. [I had a passionate clash with our church pastor over politics]; I gave up in tears. It was a long time before I learned to have calm conversation with people of an orientation other than mine. In 1924 my husband & I [went] to a democratic Peace Congress in London; we met Quakers, [& stayed with them]. [The Quaker wife shared her peaceful views &] 2 young men our age tell about their refusal of war service.
A Christian Under National Socialism?/Strained Relations—After National Socialism came to power (1933) [I asked]: What does it mean to live now as a Christian? Our group [only wished] to keep away from National Socialists & withdraw. Through those difficult years I had gained valuable insights: Our side isn't all white & the other all black; [everyone] has potential for good & evil; we only strengthen on his fateful way a person who uses power for evil, when we meet him with anxiety, contempt or bitterness. [We had a foster-daughter for 9 months from a National Socialist family & sent her to relatives to celebrate National Socialist holidays].
Official attacks on us began early, in 1933. I was pilloried in the newspaper and questioned by police about the “Socialist Friends of Children,” for whom I was being considered for its chairman. Our boy [politely greeted the policeman and he was transformed]. On April 9 my husband was suspended from his post as a judge, and later falsely accused of fraud. I had offered to help former members of the dissolved Social Democratic youth groups to keep control of themselves and not to get into ill-considered political stupidities. The SS-men surrounded my house one evening and the young people chose to go with regular police rather than the SS. [I decided to stop having the young people meet at my house until it was safe for them to do so].
[I discussed the students,] the control exercised over my mail, and socialism with the deputy district leader. He had had so decisive an experience of nationalism that no one could dispute it with him, [whereas I] “had the deepest human fellowship with & beyond all national boundaries.” [We later had another] long political conversation, open, often sharp, and partly dangerous. I thanked him that I had been able to speak openly to him.
Hans Lachmund is Again Appointed Judge [in a Smaller Community]—My husband was appointed judge, & assigned to the court in Mecklenburg’s smallest town. [Our desire to take a friend’s daughter in seemed to cause problems with the National Socialists]. Her class teacher was an older woman, known as a passionate National Socialist. It couldn’t be a friendly interchange, & the teacher was right that our views wouldn't change. But the girl stayed with us & went into a boarding school so that she was able to go on with her education.
We lived in the same apartment building as the very ambitious SS leader and the fanatical head of propaganda of the little city. [I caused] icy aversion by not responding in kind to Heil Hitler greetings. We thought of emigrating and we had to think more seriously about the need for an opposition to remain in the country. After a hard struggle I decided to concede the morning greetings in the house and to officials. Interestingly my husband was not required to greet with Heil Hitler. [We were pressured to listen to propaganda, and] to avoid suspicion that we listened to foreign broadcasts, we ourselves had no radio till the end of the war.
The National Socialists in the house had children. For their sake there was nothing for it but to muster all one’s strength to create a friendly atmosphere so they might grow up naturally and unaffectedly together. [After 2 years] some unknown but kindly court promptly transferred my husband to Pomerania, where our past [including] the charges against us were not known. But now the secret police, the Gestapo, entered the picture.
From Mecklenburg to Pomerania—My husband was a Freemason, one of the 3 “international powers” which National Socialism regarded as deadly enemies. In Pomerania the local Gestapo came to us often with questions about Freemasonry. [Our local questioners seemed to have genuine insights into Freemasonry from the interrogations, but said the people at the top would not be reached with my husband’s argument]. [With considerable effort], I avoided answering the question on avoiding military service for the sake of young Quakers. [On the question of pacifism, I said that the threat of mutual destruction] was just why the pacifists tried to find other ways. [I asked]: How could nations live together from entirely egoistic points of view without its leading to the catastrophe of war? I received no answer. [When they questioned me on my stay in US, I feared they would ask if I had spoken to any emigrants deprived of their citizenship. I knew that to keep my inner sense of assurance and freedom I must not lie]. Suddenly they broke off without putting the dangerous question.
On Behalf of a Jewish Acquaintance—My relationship with the Gestapo official assigned to watch my husband & me developed almost normally, in openness & naturalness. [But he was] outraged that Jewish families had turned to me. I said: “Make your laws humane, and not a single Jew will know my name any more.” In 1938 I had another interview with a higher official [on behalf of a Jewish doctor disabled in the war]. [I recited the battles he had taken part in and asked]: And the leg that he lost? How can we overlook all that, which our people at that time accepted as a sacrifice, Herr von Körber?” [Even though] the former legal assurances of special treatment for Jews who had taken part in the war were officially withdrawn, our acquaintance was later saved from arrest by special order from the Gauleiter’s office [and was later allowed to resettle in Hamburg].
The Post War Period/In Need of Supplies—Many experiences in the post-war period gave me ever-increasing certainty that hostility can at least be modified, even if not dissolved, in spite of the greatest conflicts in men’s ideas, interests, even moral principles, [for] there is an approachability in people. When one approached Russian soldiers honestly, naturally, without aggression or fear, they reacted no differently than people brought up as Christians. They gave me food and some work to do when I was being held for crossing into West Germany illegally. They tried to take my living room furniture, but didn't after I firmly said I wouldn't let them commit this injustice. I was to experience many times what a weapon there is in a quiet non-aggressive persistence.
[I used this persistence in many negotiations]. The mayor made me a special commissioner, first to protect the National Socialist Welfare storehouses against theft, & then to build up welfare services. [I waited patiently & peacefully at Red Army offices to see the commandant]. We received 5,000 lbs. of dried potatoes. It would be misleading not to say how often I have been seized by a profound fear on such occasions. [I especially recall a] saying of William Penn’s, written in prison: “We can fall no deeper than God’s arms reach, however deep we may fall.” Then I found inward peace & detachment so that I was able to see in the powerful man simply another human being trying to carry out his duty. With our weak powers we can help relieve tensions evoked by conflict, and live in them in the right way if we seek to fulfill both of Jesus’ commandments of love & truth.
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321. No Royal Road to Reconciliation (by Gene Knudsen-Hoffman; 1995)
About the Author/ Pamphlet—Gene Knudsen Hoffman has had several careers, including writing, psychology, and Peace; she has been with Friends since 1950 in Pasadena and Fellowship of Reconciliation (FOR) since 1951. She has worked on US/USSR relations (1983-89) and on Middle East conflicts since 1989. In this pamphlet, Gene explains the process of how pain causes anger and violence and how peace is a healing process for the violent and the violated. Her suggestions offer new wisdom and compassion in possibilities for peace.
[Introduction]/ On Healing Personal Trauma—Adam Curle, Quaker mediator says we are not able to cope with the new type of hopeless, addictive, pointless mass violence which bears no resemblance to any war we ever knew. A widely-accepted, primary, [root] cause of the violence is that earlier violence has been inflicted on the perpetrator. Unless the violated and violators are healed, groups and nations will repeat cycles of violence. For reconciliation to occur, I must begin with me & have respect for the divine in the opposition & enough humility to know I don't have pure motives & all truth on my side. In the peace movement I found great, self-sacrificing, eloquent people. There were many who were anything but peaceful. We "peace people" weren't all that different from non-peace people except that we had a humane goal to work towards. We thought we were righteous, & wanted to convince others. We rarely changed anyone, except those on the verge of being persuaded. Mainly we could hear only ourselves. I sought ways to integrate what I knew in my head with my behavior.
Quakers rarely express a need for personal reform except prophetically. We rarely share intimate details of our lives, so as to invite much needed feedback from the meeting. I moved on from, but didn't abandon psychology, because I realized that walking the path of change was as important as talking about my problem, & I recognized that psychology is a petal on God's flower & had much to teach. Thich Nhat Hahn wrote: "It is sick relationships which sicken the world—relationships to one another, to the earth, to possessions, to self, to God. Healing relationships heal the world." What shall I do if the other doesn't want to be reconciled with me?
The 12 Steps of Alcoholics [is a spiritual practice of admission of powerlessness, decision to accept Higher Power's guidance, taking inventory, past and present, "of the exact nature of our wrongs," asking for their removal, making amends, "seeking to improve our conscious contact with God, and then asking only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out]." They now include a number of other addictions.
All behavior patterns are inherited from those who suffered the original trauma, or the original blessing. These "flaws" have a good seed; when faced, modified, and put into appropriate context, they are healing impulses. Many of us today have given up or lost our families of origins. Small 12-Step groups teach us that everyone can be a part of our family, and we can regain some of the security we lost. Martin Buber said: "The cause of our conflict is that we do not know what we feel, say what we mean, and do what we say."
Mass Trauma: Vietnam—The "Nam Retreat" was held at la Casa de Maria in Santa Barbara in 1988 & was led by Thich Nhat Hahn. 22 participants were veterans & nurses; 20 weren't. In '87, I spoke to Thich Nhat Hahn about Americans in denial about what had happened. Until we could acknowledge Vietnam's reality, we would repeat the violence until the earth was destroyed. The retreat was Buddhist in form & content, with meditation, a "bell of mindfulness," silent walks, "Dharma talks," laughing, singing, hugging, & learning about loving.
[Thich Nhat Hahn Sayings]—We must take care of our pain. Sometimes we don't love it. We must let our pain nourish us// ... If there were no impermanence, how could we grow up?// ... Breathe on anger. Don't al-ways express it. Keep garbage; it can be transformed into a flower// ... War comes from the collective ... You are a light on the war-candle of the nation. Healing yourself is healing of the nation// ... You must find a practice to help yourself through the pain ... Hug a tree for a month; you will get better// ...
We [long searched for] what is wrong. Now look for what is right ... Practice, create joy. ... Help your body's [immune system] & your group's body by smiling, creating joy, [& offering] support, love, & understanding// ... The best [community] is where people are recovering & are strong, healthy, joyful enough to welcome other people// ... Remember, [cool, ne-glectful people at home] knew nothing about the Vietnam war. You can understand & have compassion// ... [To Vietnam vets:] Your experience enables you to ... be an [awakening,] new light on top of a new candle.
In each group were Vietnamese people: monks; nuns; boat people; and a naval officer. Americans asked forgiveness of the Vietnamese, who declared, "There is nothing to forgive. We were part of that war also." [The vets experienced the war as] fresh-faced 18 & 19 year-olds, ready to save a beleaguered "little people" from Communism; they performed "unspeakable acts." Most have been in 12-Step recovery programs and were ready to be among the first vets willing to tell non-vets how war really is, while full of anger, grief, remorse, and a fragile hope. There we were together, weeping for our lost innocence and regaining it through the telling of our stories, and grieving over them. How can we awaken Americans without another war catastrophe?
People all over the world are studying Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD) among Vietnam vets & Holocaust survivors. [Concerns have grown to include]: Hiroshima survivors; Gulf War victims & vets; Bosnian rape & torture victims. Larry Decker, a Trauma Therapist, told me: "The main difference between Vietnam & other wars is Day of Expected Return from Overseas, which was after 1 year for most service people (13 months for Marines). Nowhere [in training] were they permitted continuity of comrades or bonding. As 'new people' in Vietnam, they were shunned, avoided, & treated as exiles for 2 months, after which they became 'one of the guys,' 6 months or less before discharge. They were often pulled out of a firefight to prepare for discharge."
[Coming Home]—Arriving home, vets were exposed to "Sanctuary Trauma." At home, they were hated, discriminated against, almost totally unsupported. They were outcasts, exiled from their own people. They were subjected to the double trauma of the brutality of war and of losing their hope of sanctuary. The Department of Defense and the Veteran's Administration had responses to the trauma that contradicted each other. Symptoms of PTSD increased. Some benefit from newer forms of brief therapy. Others need long-term care before they can be freed from their suffering. The trauma sufferer must recover meaning to live a decent life. There is a trauma belief in arch-individualism which destroys community and people in our society.
Mass Trauma: The Holocaust—[The symptoms] of Western societal violence according to Dr. Chellis Glendinning are as follows. There are abusive behaviors which aren't natural to humans & which are the result of an unnatural event. Unhealed trauma can lead to unconscious, aberrant, & abusive behavior. Sometimes the cumulative trauma in human psyche can no longer be contained (e.g. Spanish Inquisition; Nazi Germany's holocaust; nuclear annihilation at Hiroshima & Nagasaki). Lesser excesses on an individual scale include mass murders and parents disciplining their children with violence. Authors on child-rearing carefully mask their emphasis on the importance of gaining control over children & seek to prove the necessity of corporal punishment.
I have long loved Israel, and [was impressed with their Kibbutz system in the 60's]; it was a rare and refreshing spiritual, political and social experiment. But even then, there was an undercurrent of distrust and dismay; Israelis were occupying the Palestinian West Bank, and suffering resulted. In the '80's, the conflict was in the open. Israel was heavily armed, frightened, defensive, and persecuting Palestinians openly. What happened to Israel between the '60's and the 80's to cause the nation and people to become so fearful & aggressive?
Dr. J. Bastiaans of Amsterdam writes about what he calls the Ka-tzet syndrome: "The Ka-tzet syndrome is the expression of a chronic obstruction of sound human relationships ... The victims aren't free from concentration camps ... Behind an adaptation facade continues to live a child or adult of that time in fear, in misery, & powerlessness." London Quakers invited "torturers & tortured" to meeting for worship. How do I put torturers on the same level as tortured? I read about Holocaust syndrome, & Vietnam's PTSD. Both are caused by terror & a catastrophic event "outside the range of normal human experience." Symptoms include: violence, depression, rage, numb emotions, & flashbacks. Among Vietnam vets, there have been more suicides than war fatalities.
I journeyed back to the Middle East to interview those caring for camp survivors. There is a new awareness of the lack of appropriate care at the time of their liberation, and since then. Survivors experienced fear of both surfacing memories, and the chance that "It would happen again"; a "siege mentality" exists. In treating PTSD in Israeli soldiers, Dr. Hiam Dasberg encouraged soldiers to return to the front, to their "community." He believes there is no cure for PTSD except the return to community and belonging.
Dr. Dasberg & others wrote in a paper: "The [key realization within trauma] is that rules which define reality aren't operational; the individual loses capacity to function & collapses." Rabbi Yonasson writes: "On a conscious level Israelis aren't purposely punishing Palestinians for the Holocaust ... but abused people, when they come to power, abuse others because they don't have healthy models for exercising power. Abuse is passed from generation to generation. It is relatively easy to overthrow a government, but far harder to oust internalized oppression which causes demonizing of others. The abuse cycle is a set of totally irrational behaviors based on pain, fear, shame, guilt, & anger. The next generation of abused people is likely to abuse in turn, because children grew up knowing only humiliating military occupation where war & violence seem "normal."
Jeffrey Jay extends PTSD to victims of severe child abuse, uncontrollable rage, and violence. He writes: "Some great individuals, like Martin Luther King, Elie Weisel, Thich Nhat Hahn, lived through brutalization and drew from it visionary insights that moved whole populations to greater compassion for human suffering." Alice Miller writes: "[If abused children do not] totally repress the mistreatment, confusion and neglect they suffered, they would die. The once life-saving function of repression, [continued into adulthood], can turn into a dangerous, destructive, and self-destructive power [e.g. Hitler and Stalin] ... We can and must make it impossible for such people to gain power over us in the future ... by availing ourselves of the knowledge to make such a thing impossible ... [We must question denial of old wounds] as it exists within ourselves.
One of the forerunners to creative exploration into peacemaking possibilities is Yehezkal Landau. He was director of the peace organization Oz veShalom (Strength and Peace). He and his wife Dahlia now direct a West Bank Center for reconciliation between Israeli and Palestinian teenagers. He said: "The two oppressed peoples, the Palestinians and Israelis, one now more powerful than the other are both wounded and misunderstood ... We must abandon the mythical constructs of our innocence, [and then] prophetically criticize abuses of poor and conscience ... People of peace [must] don the priestly robes [and role], acknowledge the wounds we have inflicted, make sacrifices, and ask others to join us ... to forgive ... and be forgiven."
Some Views of Health—What does psychological and spiritual "health" mean? What attributes make for a healthy person? Healthy people are: not destructive or lethal; able to share; concerned for others' well-being, even enemies; grateful for life. Healthy people have: hope; life purpose; a perception of truth open to change through revelation. They don't: harbor blame, resentment, or antipathy; deny any harm they have done or errors they have made; permit themselves or others to be abused. Healthy people see their own need for forgiveness, so they are ready to forgive. Healthy people live lives of service to others.
How do we help a society become healthy? How can we help other individuals move toward health? How do we become healthy ourselves? What do we do after we begin creating this healthier self? Health takes spiritual & psychological discipline, & experiments with new behaviors. I think creating our transformed, humanitarian selves is today's great challenge, the new frontier. Doing our work with integrity, new attitudes, new acts, new joy may attract others. After we begin creating, we need to continue our daily disciplines all our lives. Sabbaticals may be needed from active peace work, in order to prepare our hearts to receive new gifts of truth, [perhaps] even new ways of service. Our vision may become clear, our hearing acute, our understanding & compassion for the wounded, including ourselves, deep. Helping may become a cooperative venture, & we may learn what is needed to make the world safe for people so our nation's killing madness can stop. We might begin doing real work for & with one another, & getting in touch with the life energy of ourselves & the cosmos.
No Conflict: No Reconciliation—Conflict, [with its possibility of misused anger], can be either energizing or debilitating. How do we resolve conflict in healthy ways? How do we bring separated people together? How often do we stay with the painfully familiar instead of daring the unfamiliar? We continue in uncomfortable denial, doggedly proceeding without resolution, smothering feelings & being "nice." When disturbed by anger, we peace people often refuse to acknowledge the conflict & try to appease. This choice doesn't work. We may confront, but if we don't know & speak carefully to his/her condition, reconciliation doesn't happen. I believe my 1st responsibility is to seek to change myself, to deepen my understanding, to examine my motives. Sometimes a shift in my perception can accomplish the healing.
If carefully telling the person what's going on with me doesn't resolve the difficulties and anger, it's time for mediation. The mediator can make it possible for each to listen with less fear blocking communication. Without resolution, the next step could involve the mediator meeting separately with conflicting parties, interpreting each to the other. If there is still no resolution, they must separate and work individually to forgive and understand the other and themselves. Perhaps building a new US society instead of attacking the old might begin a transformation. Perhaps we need to be the changes we want to see in others. Attacking the powerful forces of death could lead to the warmakers' fear affecting the peacemakers.
Adam Curle sees 3 obstacles to peace: quiescence; revolution; conflict of equals. We need to act from awareness of the good in others so that the good is expressed, and listen attentively with inner stillness and receptivity. Peacemaking's purpose is to liberate the victims and free the oppressors from the degradation in which they are trapped. Peacemakers are on the side of all who are trapped by war: civilians; soldiers; or political leaders. Belief in violence's effectiveness in resolving problems is the peacemaker's only enemy.
Protest and resistance can be preludes to reconciliation. Both these ways may open to reconciliation; they may not. How do we soften the heart of our opposition by protest and resistance? We must approach them with respectful concern and an effort to see things from their point of view. Gandhi taught us that it is ours to trust that we may have planted some seeds on fertile ground, [even in our failures], but we don't know when, if ever, they will be harvested. What gifts might we bring today to the Koreans, [Trump, terrorists foreign and domestic, drug cartels, genocidal militarists], to show them the humanity we wish they would show others? Perhaps understanding, respect for divine potential, inviting a show of concern from them for the oppressed with our own concern for them, or listening. [These gifts] are the substance of reconciliation.
Compassionate Listening—Compassionate Listening is a gift I believe we can give everyone with whom we have differences, [dangerous or otherwise]. At the heart of every violent act is an unhealed wound. I searched for how peace people might heal these wounds caused by excessive violence. I recognized that non-judgmental listening was a great healing process. I practiced it with family, friends, local conflicts, Soviets, Libyans, Palestinians, & both pro- and anti-Palestinian Israelis. I joined with Adam Curle and Herb Walters, both of whom were doing their own work in non-judgmental listening in the Balkans, the American South, and with the Contras.
In this listening, the listener seeks the truth & wounds of the person questioned, behind any masks of hostility & fear. Listeners don't defend themselves, but accept what others say as their perception. A Compassionate Listening Team should be a prelude to other methods of nonviolence, such as demonstrations or other witnesses. With Compassionate Listening, the listener & the listened to can hear what they think, change their opinions and make more informed decisions. I'm talking about discerning, listening with the spiritual ear, not listening with a "human ear," not deciding who's right and who's wrong and fixing it.
By Compassionate Listening we may awaken the mystery, God, if it lies sleeping and thus learn of the partial truth the other is carrying, for each of us carries some portion of Truth. How can we make a place for an organization, trusted by both sides, that could find the human face of the "enemy" and carry that message to the other side? Herb Walters says: "Our job as peacemakers is not to take sides; it is to seek truth. It is to humanize rather than dehumanize, to seek out the best in all sides," [to discover the divine possibilities in every situation]," to "find in each person's life, sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility" [Longfellow].
Forgiveness—All "our" wars, it seems, ended with us as victors feeling justified, while the vanquished are forgotten or oppressed; [others are taking a different path.] Some of the Vets who attended Thich Nhat Hahn's retreat [mentioned earlier], decided to go to Vietnam & acknowledge directly the harm they had done, restoring with their own hands what they had destroyed; they then asked forgiveness; each participating Vet has a new understanding of peace. [What if we made pilgrimages to directly express our sorrow & make amends to the long list of ethic groups & nations we have harmed through racism, nuclear weapons, & militarism]? A small group of dedicated people can make great changes. Mutual healing, understanding, & love—& reconciliation—can spring up between strangers who were once enemies. Such reconciliation might mean a healthier planet's [evolution] & a nobler human race; the way we respond to our suffering determines the future of the world.
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See Also 173. Evolution & Inward Light (by Howard Haines Brinton; 1970)
https://topicalquakerquickread.blogspot.com/2021/03/spirituality-general.html
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