QUAKERS WORLDWIDE: GENERAL

38. Wide Horizon (by Anna Cox Brinton; 1947)
[About the Author]—Anna Cox Brinton was born in San Jose, CA, October 19 1887; she was a Quaker pacifist. She and her husband Howard had solid background of academic achievement at the colleges of Mills & Earlham, & in 1936 became co-directors of a Quaker fusion of school & community. She was AFSC Commissioner for Asia in 1946; she served as AFSC International Program director. They retired in the 1950s & lived on the Pendle Hill campus as Directors Emeriti. Anna died in 1969].
Introduction—This is the last in a series of pamphlets dealing with relationships (PHP #35-38, written by Dora Willson, Josephine Moffet Benton, Margaret M. Cary, & Anna Cox Brinton, respectively, & dealing respectively with: I to me; I to work & family; I to you & we to God; I to the universe.) My observations are an appreciation of more remote relationships which dovetail into one another, causing humanity's structure to be "fitly framed together." Just now society is undergoing its serverest strain, while individuals go on enjoying immediate surroundings & community, belying [the state of deeper] relationships with [humanity as a whole], their creator, & their redemption. I will paste together an album of pictures showing people, including me, as one family, and history as a process in which one's own less than microscopic part requires personal responsibility.
The Geographical Horizon—Horizon is the visual meeting of sea or land with sky as seen from a certain point. The Chinese see that point as one of 5 cardinal points or directions (i.e. traditional compass directions, & "Where I am."). [One may see further & further as the vantage point's height increases, but] one can't take in particulars. Flood, drought & famine lay no claim upon one. We live routines very quickly, moving from 1 requirement to the next, without time enough for important impressions to sink in, our best capacities to develop, or experiencing the full benefit of what we most enjoy; relationships suffer, ministry dwindles, & life's arts yield little.
I have seen mountain ranges & deep gorges; none of them moved me as did sunrises & sunsets on insignificant hills. [In air travel] at several hundred miles per hour, "the aperture of awareness" can't open fast enough. Many of the world's magnificent architecture from the air become mere geometric patterns; the Colosseum & China's Great Wall are impressive from the air. I was impressed by waves rimming Crete's eastern promontory, by a fairy-like pale green circle of a coral atoll below me, the work of coral insects, & by a small bright circular rainbow above the clouds, exactly circumscribing our plane's shadow. In spite of such possibilities, flying will only to a limited degree be favorable for the sightseer. Days or even weeks are needed for the [air] panorama to sink in; by that time much has been forgotten. Imagine a pilgrimage made in a hurry; such a thing is unthinkable.
Universal Relatedness—As sky meets earth at the horizon, so infinity descends upon the finite, & the incomprehensible is disclosed in known characters. Here is realized humankind's longing for a purer wisdom, a more perfect life, release from impurity, profound kinship. "What manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us that we should be called Children of God & such we are" (1 John 3:1). Scripture quoted in a meeting for worship, or read to one is sometimes permanently engraved upon the soul. Why do we remember certain passages & episodes? Religious language isn't the understood speech of today; we have a different vernacular. Preoccupation with comfort, armament, publicity, distracts our attention from the greater self, [as does the emphasis of self-beautification over health and hardiness].
Seen from Without—How are Americans regarded outside of the US? We are seen as: scientifically clever; wealthy & wasteful; [niggardly in helping those of our own in need]; having acquired our gains by the magic of science, which can be copied with the same results. If America has so much, why should any have to struggle there for a proper share? Who is this American? Certainly they aren't the neighbors of whom we are fond, nor our friends. There are times when an average opinion, the judgment of the man in the street, is cited as authority for this or that. But an average opinion is always unreliable & apt to be the opinion of no one person.
The US has a vast [faceless] crowd, unconvinced of any thoroughgoing theory or any spiritual doctrine. [Rather than liberating minds to a higher calling], machines & gadgets [are used to occupy &] cause one's mind to be feebly stirred with vapid thoughts. The masses may go on as is; millions may fall prey to some tyrant moving at an accelerated pace while [God's pace], the seed & the leaven, proceed in nature's slow time. What is our responsibility for this [mind-numbed] generality? Do we discover ways "to comfort & help the weak?"
Learning and Teaching/ Schools—The schools are answerable for this situation, but we are answerable for the schools; there are not enough concerned teachers. Young people are lured into relief and social rehabilitation; they try to take hold where teaching fails. In the case of grown people it is not so necessary to offer instruction as it is to provide circumstances under which they can learn. Quaker waiting on Divine direction fits us for this kind of educational technique. Waiting worship provides an opportunity for those gathered to receive impressions of the Eternal and to gain strength to obey Divine requirements. The traditional Quaker duty of "publishing the Truth," is needed now as never before; the world needs our peaceable doctrine to promote reasonable adjustment with government and a [method of conflict resolution] among governments.
The Society of Friends has its long established institutions with tried and trusted programs which determine the horizon of many of its members. How can our schools and colleges function in and for the religious life? [Even Quaker manmade institutions tend to slip their moorings once they are financially endowed to carry on a life of their own. It is important for each generation to start some new ventures to challenge the old.
Cultural Ebb/ Civil Responsibility/ Relief Abroad—On the horizon inadequacies sometimes appear which escape notice nearer home. We can't excuse ourselves from taking a wide view by saying that our [national] dilemma is a world dilemma. The few great personalities now living are outside our prosperous limits. Where do we now see hero or prophet? The nature of our religious calling prevents us from [limiting the scope of our actions to a narrow field or a few individuals. Our religion calls for extended effort [without guarantee of success.]
This effort includes having a foothold in the national and international morass. One might wonder why one still admires martyrs when so nearly all appear personally content with a reasonable course. [Some are even content] to acquiesce in the absolutist requirements of totalitarian governments. [We need to pray with our lives and actions as well as our words] "Thy kingdom come." The need now is for a general, steady willingness to take responsibility for producing the right corporate decisions.
A few here & there can prove that sincere sympathy exists, though relief adequate for the need isn't coming. The message of good will must be more effectually & more valiantly expressed, because it isn't by its nature to propagate by mass methods. One [spiritual golden thread] isn't adequate to guide a multitude; there is enough thread to go around. That hosts of dedicated souls may exist is for us an educational and spiritual responsibility.
Peace—Crop of evils fertilized by war are so luxuriant that it seems impossible to find wheat among the tares. How do we make in our desert a pathway for Peace? How can we develop relatedness that will really bind? [Traveling the world, meeting & studying people] isn't enough to assure harmony. Young men of parts made the grand tour to be rid of provincialism. Many tourists, [especially Americans, civilian & military], carry home ways with them. [In travel], the essential point is this: How has one become or not become a part of what one has met? It is in homely circumstances, participation in local life, critical emergency, words spoken, music remembered, slow tasks completed, that we establish connections & the limits of our horizon.
Often, simple circumstance opens a window showing an unthought-of vista: in a young family on horseback in the western mountains; a little boy & his baby uncle; a country sending wood to "pave the streets around the Pantheon so that the 1st 2 kings of United Italy may slumber in quiet." An Englishman & 2 Chinese were in a prison camp together; each was rationed a bowl of rice a day. The Englishman & elderly Chinese ate their rice deliberately; the young Chinese ate his in greedy haste, then begged for some of theirs. The Englishman soon balked at giving his. The old Chinese remarked, "No, We should give. Unblessed is he who has & gives not."
Imagination/ Personal Experience—Imagination plays an immeasurable part in determining the scope of one's horizon. At the horizon's rim or near it is that part of the realm of fancy to which we slip away for pure refreshment, like a seashore vacation. We come home with a greater relish for the real, because we have stepped outside it. It may be because we are so thoroughly enmeshed in "that to which the heart is accustomed" that it is hard for us to introduce even the most obvious improvements, even though all may want it.
As far as emergencies are concerned average people in easy circumstances often remain in unbroken comfort throughout a lifetime. Not a few men and women have found in war or relief work the acute experience they lacked. Camping pioneering, exploration to some degree offer substitutes. New anodynes prevent mothers from hearing the 1st cry of the new born, thus obliterating a major moment of primitive joy. Anesthetics have done away with the dying words which were so often treasured by our ancestors. With all our improvements, mental disorder, at least in this country, is on the increase. Though we trust ourselves to the scientific expert, there is much that each has to do, God helping, for one's self. When a depressed women said she felt as if she were hanging by the tips of her fingers, my grandmother replied with true Christian eldership, "Let go dear, and thee will find that underneath are the Everlasting Arms."
Developing Gifts/ The Arts of Home—For a race to know how to use its capacities & able & willing to take responsibility, religion & education must work together. In divine ordering of life, God's love takes the initiative, giving power to the obedient to be God's sons. [Educating individual minds this way may mean small class sizes or 1-on-1 instruction. John Woolman says: "charge of no more Children than he can take due Care...keeps Authority in Truth ... his Labors ... open Understandings [of] ... Christian Life ... Charge of too many ... & Thoughts & Time are ... employed in outward Affairs ... the State of [both] his Mind & the Minds of the Children Suffer.
The arts & sciences of home life have been replaced by labor-saving devices, [in the name of saving time]. What has become of the saved time from labor-saving devices? Where are the extended family members that could be counted on for baby-sitting? When old style multiple-family homes were well-ordered, there was a freedom that is hard to duplicate as things are now. In the one-family household, young children are dependent on the mother, who is no longer free to attend a day meeting, do religious service or prepare for entertaining & edifying numbers of persons. [In the past], much of responsibility for relatedness rested on the woman.
If our Religious Society is to continue we need to disentangle ourselves from the tyranny of our present arrangements. Freedom to carry out religious concerns should be neither old-fashioned nor modern; it ought to be a general human asset, [equally available to both men & women]. We must give way to the drawing which we feel to help one another, "to keep things sweet & savory in the family of Christ." No less training than that taught by the Holy Spirit is required to maintain our ideal of a "free gospel ministry exercised in its fresh life & power."
Intervisitation/ That Unity, Love & Sweetness Might Prevail—[My family of origin] took naturally to migration [& religious visits] "traveling in love of Truth." In the Friends' 1st generation, Biblical precedent was cited for women called upon to leave home. George Fox observed that Moses & Aaron didn't say, "You are fitter to stay home to wash dishes." Religious travels required long forethought & weighty Friends' approval. Anna Braithwaite's biographer wrote: "Her 7 children were then at the ... age ... [when] a mother's influence is of great importance ... As she was persuaded that no duties, rightly understood, can ever conflict with one another, she was ... desirous that ... her duties to family shouldn't be neglected... The course which ... commended itself to her ... [divided] her American engagements into 3 visits. She was led to cross the Atlantic 6 times, [involving an average of 6 weeks each of] distressing sea-sickness ... Spending the intervals between visits in the bosom of fa-mily ... [was] ample compensation for additional suffering..." Intervisitation created & preserved vitality among scattered groups within a country & internationally; the horizon was enlarged both for the visitors & the visited.
George Fox wrote letters to the: Emperor of China; Grand Turk; legendary Prester John; & Roman Pope, calling for "unity, love, & sweetness." [Not seeing] love & sweetness, he said: "Hearken mountains & give ear mighty earth-foundations—all nations, ... tongues, ... scoffers, revilers—Your kings tremble & your Princes... Captains, Spoilers; a voice of trembling is heard, & not of peace; ye shall all melt away, beating down one another as you go." He had good sight for things temporal [near & far]; his vision wasn't less clear for things eternal. "Broad is the way that leadeth to destruction" is intended to focus & intensify an over-expanded gaze.
Limitations/ Conclusion—Within the wide horizon there are many evil plights. Each must do what one feels called upon to do or, what one feels free or content in undertaking. We are not permitted to take a small view of our Christian responsibility; we must profess only that which we possess; we do what we can to increase the use of available ability for carrying out our mission. "Wherever the limit is beyond which we cannot see or think or aspire, that meeting place of the visible and invisible is our horizon. Beyond that we should not try to push. Between the articulate few and the inarticulate many there is a lag. We would like to surpass our ancestors, but it is unlikely that we shall. "How much more like our parents we are than we ever intended to be."
There is still set before us an open door; because we look toward the wide horizon "the world's burden of suffering is laid upon us. We pray that we may truly draw more upon Divine resources & order our lives to give the highest claims precedence. "Let us return home, light our candle, sweep our house, & we shall find the zeal, power & purity of soul to make our worship acceptable & our lives blameless. If we are faithful, we shall gradually perceive unveiled in [the far view of the horizon] its full meaning for humanity, the mystery of relatedness.
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84. From Where They Sit (Dorothy H. Hutchinson; 1955)
About the Author—Dorothy Hutchinson is the mother of 3 children. She received her B.A. from Mount Holyoke College and her Ph.D, in Zoology from Yale University. She is widely known for her writing and lecturing on religious subjects and on international relations.
[Journey of Friendship]—[After listening to several eminent foreign diplomats give standard PR speeches], I said I wished I knew what the PEOPLE of the their respective countries were thinking. The Abington Friends Meeting started planning the trip. I was not told until it was well-formulated. I realized that my words represented my basic personal concern for the world’s people as the key to the world’s peace. The itinerary was planned [to meet for 2 days each with 16 families around the world on both sides of specific international tensions, and all the major religions]. The purposes of the Journey of Friendships were: to tell the folks visited that there are Americans who are interested in them as people; to learn from them how their problems, personal and national look from where they sit; to show them something they may not have known about the US.
Hazel Du Bois, a brilliant, handsome young Negro girl, just graduated from Philadelphia’s Girls High School, was selected as my partner on this novel venture. [Youth, attractiveness, intelligence, & sensitivity were valuable qualifications that she possessed]. It seemed especially important to make our team interracial. Spending a few days in each home was the pattern of the Journey. The basic problems were how to make friends quickly & to gain the most understanding in minimum time. One factor in our success was my natural interest in the children. Another contributing factor was my natural feeling of kinship with housewives & their problems.
Hazel was a phenomenal linguist. She picked up words and phrases quickly, sang the folksongs from other families, and learned new ones, at least 11, each in a language she hadn’t known before her visit. Abington Meeting’s members and I did a study in preparation for the Journey, which included valuable briefs on the history, economics, politics, foreign relations, religion and customs of the visited countries. My ability to eat anything also helped. Many people helped with arrangements. The letter from Abington MM expressing feelings of brotherhood impressed many of the people we met. This Journey of Friendship furnished me with no Gallup Poll of world opinion. But men and women talked to us freely as to friends.
How things look from where they sit: US problems/Their Needs—I assumed that US problems were a private affair. Questions about McCarthy & McCarthyism greeted me in all parts of the world. Signs of hysteria in the US frighten helpless people [when they think of the US & its destructive power]. India watches & analyzes US Congressional elections closely. Arab states see injustice in the US’s influence in Israel’s creation. Israel is ill-at-ease & resentful because of US policy of arming Arab states against Communist invasion. A young Israeli said: “You American must learn that, when the US shifts her weight from one foot to the other, the little people of the world tremble. Our arming Pakistan against a possible Communist invasion horrified the Indians I met.
We saw the beautiful things our hosts were proud of & the unlovely sights which our hosts thought we should see. [We saw untreated health problems] in every age group. The “poverty” of Philadelphia’s poorest sections paled in comparison to this poverty. The “good life,” in any culture, has little to do with absolute standards of living. That life is “good” which provides enough food for one’s family, the comforts which others have in the surrounding society, & better educational & economic possibilities for children than those their parents had.
Why is the hungry ⅔s of the world’s people now restless and determined to improve their standards of eating, health & education? I believe that uneven modernization has invaded the underdeveloped countries themselves & intolerable contrasts are right before the eyes of the miserable. They are awakening to the fact that there are now in the world both technical knowledge and material resources capable of raising living standards to a decent level; a static condition of abject misery is no longer necessary & therefore no longer tolerable.
In every underdeveloped country, small valiant efforts are being made by people to correct age-old social evils, as well as ill health, illiteracy & poverty. I marveled at the incredible optimism of social workers who face most discouraging setbacks. The US is seen as generous with help, but the help is 10 parts arms to 1 part economic aid. [These countries see a need to build up infrastructure] before they can attract private investment. When I got home I found that the US [unilaterally cut their $8 million (5 cents apiece) share of the United Nations Environmental Technical Assistance Program to 6½ million, about 4 cents apiece]. Unnecessary suffering of others should fester in our consciences, even if we had no need for allies or material for either a cold or a hot war.
How Things Look from Where They Sit—The Spread of Communism—The material needs of the world are certainly helping Communism to spread. There have been modifications of the capitalist system consciously aimed at spreading the wealth. In the world at large the poor nations are getting poorer by comparison as the rich nations get richer. Communism has shown itself capable of delivering benefits which they desperately need. The methods within their countries have been ruthless, but the poor nations told me they prefer what they call honest ruthlessness for the benefit of the many to the old corrupt ruthlessness for the benefit of the few.
Because the US seeks to gain allies and materiel for a prospective war, and offers poor countries just enough aid to insure these results, I am not surprised that we get little gratitude. A high Indian government official assured me that India could never go Communist no matter how bad her economic condition “because our Gandhian philosophy is diametrically opposed to that of the Communists.” Our poverty-ridden brothers in Southeast Asia are asking: Can an economically underdeveloped nation quickly raise its standard of living without going Communist? A refugee from Communist Poland said: “Communism is a challenge to the Greater Justice. If [the West] cannot produce the Greater Justice, Communism will win.”
A discouraged young Hindu said about refugees: “They will wait patiently for a while and then they may turn to Communism which is like a miracle drug; they will not ask too much about the after effects of the miracle drug.” Many millions of her 365,000,000 are made more prosperous and contented; there remain millions unhelped. Communism has spread by means of desperate and dissatisfied people within each country where it has been been welcomed. Each nation I visited said: “Our main problem is to quickly raise living standards so that the very real and present misery of our people does not invite Communism.”
With Charity for All, Including the US—Why does the US offer the world billions for arms and only millions for economic aid, considering the former a good investment, and the latter a ‘give away’ of dubious value? Much of the world fears the domestic infiltration of the Communism ideology and the civil war that might result. Our American fear is of the USSR as the only other major power in a world where the basic factors in international relation are power politics and the balance of power. We fear an armed Communist bloc [of nations] which can take over the world by its military might. In no other country except Turkey did I find the same kind of fear which we have in the US. An intelligent Turkish women said: “We are spending 60% of our national budget on arms but our people are poor … [they may] begin to play with queer ideas.”
To many anti-Communists [in the places I visited], our approach to Communism's threat seems irrelevant or worse than irrelevant. [The US rose to power quickly & inherited the system where naked power & military might] is the accepted pattern of national security. We are developing such abnormal relations with the rest of the world’s people that whatever we do looks bad. When we share & stipulate how money shall be used, we seem to be bribing & dominating them, some of whom are nations newly independent from foreign domination.
Our fears are diverting our resources from what the world thinks are its basic needs. [Our desire to keep France & England as allies, in the world’s eyes, seems to contradict our honest desire for the colonial people’s freedom]. We arm oppressive, reactionary national governments, not because we wish to support undemocratic regimes, but to have anti-Communists in power regardless of their vices. We need & want the world’s people as friends, but we are stuck in a downward spiral of more arms, less economic aid, & worsening relations.
The Next Step—The UN’s Economic & Social Council’s study reveals billions of dollars of aid are needed where only millions are now being offered. Pilot projects are undertaken to show what may be done with adequate funding, rather providing adequate funding. The US refuses to provide $80 million, 50 cents per capita, to the Special UN Fund for Economic Development until savings are achieved through world disarmament.
To the rest of the world this looks like a poor excuse for not making the very modest contribution which this Fund requires. Disarmament would free our response to our brothers’ need from the compulsions of the cold war, we’d be free to be governed by the moral principles and good will which we really yearn to have a chance to express. [Harold Stassen is in charge of disarmament] He said: “It is my view that cynicism—confirmed, congealed, compounded cynicism constitutes one of the most serious handicaps … I promise a concentrated, consecrated, persistent & prayerful endeavor to penetrate the problem & move towards solution.” World disarmament would make an enormously expanded world development program necessary in order to keep our people employed [in a world with far less arms production. There is little to be gained by speculating on the USSR’s motives or strategy in the event that a fair world disarmament and world development program should be offered with US support. Offering such a proposal would gain the US moral prestige which she now sadly lacks.
Signs of Hope: The Sense of World Community—Those who dare not hope argue that differences in world cultures, religions, & particularly political differences, will prevent concerted world action on world problems for a long time. Is there evidence of the necessary World Community already discernible? Human beings have devised means whereby people show each other respect & friendliness when they meet; all are worshipers. Students from Asian & African cultures can absorb a western education even in highly technical subjects. Secluded Muslim & Hindu women are competing successfully with men as leaders in their countries’ social & political life. People everywhere are making great demonstrations of their basic similarities in nature & capacity.
What about our human weaknesses? Greater similarity exists between the struggles of India to eliminate discrimination based on cast and our American struggles to eliminate discrimination based on race. In Thailand, the Chinese minority is regarded somewhat as the US Jews are. As I sat watchfully in a foreign movie audience, I sensed the same reaction everywhere to similar emotional appeals.
Spiritually underdeveloped devotees of every religion are satisfied with terminology and rituals and find no common ground with groups whose terminology and rituals differ from theirs. The spiritually mature of all religions find themselves close together in their apprehension of the common humanity and the common divinity of humankind. The question remains: Do we physically, culturally and religiously diverse peoples, huddled together in a world now shrunk to the size of a village, have enough sense of world community to take common action on our common economic and security problems?
What the colored patches & boundaries in black lines symbolize is more real to many of the inhabitants of the patches than our common humanity, our common dangers, or our common needs. In each country I visited, I found nuclei of well-informed people, solemnly aware of our common problems, our common dangers in an atomic age, & our common need for world action on matters vital to our common welfare & our common survival.
I came home with hope but with a feeling that all of us, nations and peoples, are trapped. No nation can be expected to take the risk involved in breaking out of the armament system which is holding us apart and preventing our normal relations with each other. Shall we discover, in time, that one who but presses on the thin partitions that separate us can push one’s hand right through. And, on the other side one’s hand finds the hand of someone else—where they sit grouping in the dark and afraid to hope.
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75. Puerto Rican Neighbor (by Roy Schuckman; 1954)
[Introduction]—In a world of hate, we need a concerned people, who can help to alleviate the bitterness and ignorance so prevalent all around us. We often think of Puerto Ricans as poor, dirty, illiterate, and lazy. They think of US as wealthy, arrogant, race-conscious, and tyrannical. This is the story of a typical jibaro (country-man) Puerto Rican, who helped me understand life in a barrio (village). His bitterness, frustration, despair—and hope, can be found in men of [many countries].
[José Garza Morales Introduction]—My name is José Garza Morales. I live in a barrio 7 mountainous miles from a small city in Central Puerto Rico, in a beautiful valley. There is death, hunger, misery, want, poverty, illness and ill-feeling. There is no confidence between neighbors. We are too tired to really feel love. I work all day for the Municipal Government, unloading rocks from a truck and placing them in the mud so that there will be a road [beyond where the bus stops]. At noon my oldest boy, now 6, walks 4 miles through the mud and over stones to bring me my lunch. He sits with me and looks at me and knows what his life will be.
  [Work, Father, Children]—[In an American mainland paper], Truman and Stalin saying that their main interest is to free the poor Korean and help raise his standard of living … Do we have a standard of life? The US came in 1898 bringing “the banner of freedom … the immunities and blessings of the institutions of our government. [We quit at 5. I do not have a watch. No one else has one either]. When I get up in the morning, I will still be hungry and will go to work with an empty feeling in my stomach and heart. [I dream of a Puerto Rico] where the people prove that to be a part of America is not only to serve in the army but to be a part of the world. I know a little, because I have been outside my little valley … I am unhappy.
[Once I cut my foot & it got infected. My brother & a neighbor carried me to a bus stop. I rode 1 hour & 7 miles to the clinic. [I read an article by the Puerto Rican Government]. It said all that I felt. It told me that at least there were others on the Island who lived as we did. It told me that somebody else knew—that the Government knew how we lived. [That was a long time ago]. Has the Government done anything? [I live the same; my boys will live the same; my grandchildren will live the same]. [Near my home there is a shack], as old as the man standing in front of it. The man has lived 20 years longer than most people do in these mountains, just past 70. [He can do little more than walk and chat]. He is my father & proud of his 14 grandchildren—and 4 sons and a daughter—alive. He never tells how many have died. The place I have called “home” for many years, is not as bad as some, not as good as others. Our youngest one was born with a split upper lip, from the nose down. Why do we bring so many suffering children into the world.? But what choice is there? And soon another child.
[“Los Americanos vienen”]—[This morning] there are men breaking the larger rocks, and more men carrying the smaller rocks to the muddy broken road. What is the haste I feel about me? “Los Americanos vienen” (The Americans are coming. The alcalde (mayor) is putting more men on the job because he wants the road finished as possible. Last summer the leader of American college students met the alcalde. He was asked if he and his group would like to come here to work in the valley for 8 or 10 weeks [to build a school]. They will live in our old school on top of the hill near my father’s shack. Why should the norteamericanos come here? [How will they live without their luxuries? How will they live as we do?] How much work can they do? People just don’t come from Somewhere, where it is good, to Nowhere, just for nothing.
I tell my wife the news. She shrugs. They come, they look, they see, they go, they forget; life goes on as before. In the morning I slowly wind my way across the path leading past my father’s house. Walking up the path, through the mud, is an American invasion. During the day, I work & talk & act as I always have, but my mind is not on the job. What can they do in 2 months? Can they [work] outdoors under the hot sun? Do they speak Spanish? What do they really want from us? Will they love our mountains as we do?
Before eating at home, I wash and change my clothes. A man must do his best, and be well received by his wife and children. A man’s dignity is worth much. I put on my hat and take my 4-year old Maria and walk to the top of the hill, wonder what is going on there. As we come near, we hear singing. [They have cleaned the place and made it neat; there are 22 of them, only 6 are married]. I am thinking that I am still not sure why they have come, and what if anything will come of it.
[Newcomers Work, Help Comes]—Many of the newcomers come work with us; 2 women come too, [but we rebel at having our work degraded to women’s tasks]. The youngsters try to find out things about us, but we find out about them instead. “Why do you come saying that you wish to help, when you are taking food from the mouths of those whose job you are taking away? They say, “We came because we were invited by the alcalde & the business men’s club.” They aren't paid for work, & have to pay their own fare on the airplane. They want us to feel we are people, they are people & we can all learn to work together. There is a business man who once lived in our barrio. He has a wooden leg. It is he who wishes to do something for us. This I understand.
I was born in this barrio 40 years ago. The houses are the same; the children are the same. Now strangers come & tell us they hope things will be different soon. [A man comes & talks of Island politics, of becoming a State of the US, of independence. We don’t care who we belong to or don’t belong to. We are hungry. We are poor. Our children need milk. What has all this have to do with our barrio?
A bulldozer comes & makes a fine path up the mountain to the schoolhouse. The girls in the group planned to visit as many homes as possible & talk with the families & play with the children. Ours was the 1st house visited. One of the girls asked about the little one’s hare lip. “There is nothing we can do about it,” my wife told her. [Other children have it worse.] My wife prepared coffee and used the 3 cups we have. Our “stove” is set on 3 rocks with a charcoal fire under it. Our pots are 3 large cans, ones that Americans throw away.
People come from the University of Puerto Rico on the new road. They tell us that we only eat part of the good things we need to. [They talk of many ways of improving life in all the barrios]. As I fall asleep, I think of the man who came all the way from San Juan to bring a little hope into a barrio of despair. A lady comes to sing songs & teach us games; she is from the Education department. Music is something we love, though we have so little of it. A man from the Department of Agriculture talks to those of us who have a little land. El Mundo, the largest Island newspaper, comes to take pictures of the school, the group, the people. The boys work every day, & the cement blocks have been laid. The girls visit homes [far away] each day, bringing some little gift to each one. Our people are polite to these guests. Coffee is always served. Our women never drink with the visitors.
I grow bananas and load them on my strong young mule. When he is really loaded, you can see almost no mule, only a lot of moving bananas. [I take them to the bus stop, wait, and soon the bus is full of people, chickens, and bananas]. The bus goes down the mountainous road, having near-misses, and stopping every few hundred feet to pick up or drop off a passenger. I get my bananas to market, and sell 1,000 of them for $2.50. [They will sell in Ponce for perhaps $50]. So it is. When I get home, Elena is talking with my wife. Elena talked to the doctor, who will look at our littlest one without charging. I go to bed with a little hope in my heart.
Today there is the priest here, talking to the group. I know him well. [The americanos ask him many questions—all the questions that come to their minds. They want answers to questions that have been asked for centuries. Our priest is a good man. He is one of us. Yet he does not know us. Who does know us? God knows. But we don’t know God. We don’t know our neighbors. We really don’t know our priest. We don’t even know ourselves. [We try to keep ourselves and our families alive].
We need something. We need someone. But we don’t know what—or whom. Some of our men are beginning to want to help—to work without pay too. The norteamericanos say they will come back. They believe we in the valley will become more of a community. Perhaps that will be so, many years from now. Elena says the doctor is going to operate on my little one and perhaps his lip will be well. The alcalde says in time things will be better. The alcalde has faith in the americanos from the US. People outside our valley are hopeful about what is happening to our little barrio. It is not easy to have hope when one is always hungry. Soon my wife and I will die. Will my children have a better life than we are having? Dare we hope? I do not know.
Conclusion/[Suggestions]—The following 4 points are offered as suggestions:
  Educate the US about Puerto Rico (PR): Size of country: 100 x 35 miles; Population 2,211,000 (1950), 3,548,000 (2014); agriculture, 39% derived livelihood from agriculture (1948), 3% of workforce (1989), large numbers of migrant farm workers; trade subject to tariffs, 98% imports from US, trade deficit $138,000,000 (1948), trade surplus average 1,599,000,000 (2003-16); income per capita, $295 (1953), $15,000 (2014); literacy rate, 25% (1898), 77% (1948), 93.9% (2012).
  Exchange of students
Young Puerto Rican as a guest in the American home
Service projects as a possible hope.
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QUAKERS WORLDWIDE: EUROPE

52. Search: A Personal Journey Through Chaos (by Ruth Tassoni; 1950)
About the Author—Ruth Domino (later Domino Tassoni) was born in Berlin in 1908 (died 1994). When she fled Nazis in 1940, her ship came to the United States, & she ended up at Pendle Hill. She taught German to relief workers on campus during her time as an instructor at Pendle Hill. In 1950, she returned to Europe. In addition to this pamphlet, she wrote several books, including A Play of Mirrors, a collection of poetry in Italian. Daniel Hoffman recently retranslated that work. She also published 3 volumes of short stories in German, her native language.

There is a faith which is of a man's self, and a faith which is the gift of God; or, a power of believing which is found in the nature of the fallen man, and a power of believing which is given from above. As there are 2 births, the 1st and the 2nd, so they have each their faith ... and seem to lay hold on the same thing for life. But some may desire to know what I have at least met with, I answer, I have met with the seed. Isaac Penington
Foreword (by Anna Brinton)—Search: A Personal Journey Through Chaos, is a 1st-hand experience-narrative of discernment & memories of events connected by thread of eternal validity. In it, positive action expressing human sympathy appears in the "hurricane of universal grief" to soften anguish & kindle hope. We have here a glimpse of relationship between relief worker & persons presenting occasion for their ministrations. Such ministrations don't yet stem global conflict's tide, but they witness to the fact that humankind doesn't all assent to belligerence & hate. This pamphlet will be a welcome reminder to those to whom Ruth Domino's teaching proved a safeguard & a blessing. To other readers it will bear witness to the "power of believing that given from above."
[Introduction]—My life has had to be lived in many places. I write of various circumstances under which I met spiritual problems in several countries. I had brief contacts with Quakers during this time, until I came to live at Pendle Hill. In the episodes involving Quaker work, I see a bright thread stringing together periods of overwhelming distress and giving them special significance as challenges for those of religious faith and life.
The Christian State Church of Germany, failed to influence the youth in any decisive manner. Many searching souls turned away and left its message to lukewarm people and warlike patriots. Skeptics were more honest in not seeing Christ's message to the poor and suffering as a living, daily experience; such an experience is possible. I can only sketch a picture from which this conviction evolved. My picture is of a German girl growing up during WWI, the Revolution, disintegration of the middle-class, and the transition from Republic to Hitler's rise to power. This girl's fate was shared in common with her generation, who aligned themselves with Nazism, faced and survived the danger of Nazism, faced it and did not survive, or chose to flee. There is a new generation imbued with Nazism who are in confusion and disillusionment. [Despite this] there is alive the same longing for a peaceful faith that justifies existence and hardship, and gives something worth looking forward to.
Fatherland & God—In WWI's beginning, God seemed to bless German weapons; so said the director of our Berlin girls' school. We celebrated victories with hymns, speeches, & early dismissal. The Kaiser received special telephone messages from God. Toward 1917-18, children wore wooden sandals in the summer without stockings, & in the winter cloth shoes with wooden soles; I thought it strange fun, but I minded chilblains & unheated rooms in our big house. The downstairs rooms began to smell of turnips, which were put in bread, coffee, & marmalade. My father, with Lutheran pastors as grandfathers, wasn't an openly religious man, but would mention God occasionally, with anger in his voice. He didn't like the idea of God combined with mad patriotism.
Religion was my favorite subject, not because it demand faith, but because it stirred imagination. In the winter of '17 I fainted over the story of Solomon & the 2 quarreling mothers, for all of a sudden I couldn't believe in this story's happy outcome. [In a time when signs of death was everywhere], God was willing to permit anything, we thought; suffering was a dark menacing power. It was a strict code of honor among officers & civil servants to not accept black market offerings. Only merchants & profiteers could afford regular meat sandwiches, not people who lived for the honor of their country. I pictured God as the peak of a difficult pyramid of officialdom with many irritating minor officials between the top & the base, handing out ration cards. I swallowed the turnips & dry slices of bread with the vague conviction that this was right, while [those who ate well were wrong].
When the war was over, I stood with Father & watched soldiers coming home; some officers & all the soldiers looked wretched. My father had taken his hat off. "Peace, my child," he murmured. In '19, I was chosen with other children in school to receive extra feeding during school, with food provided by Quakers. I formed the idea that Quakers were our relatives, some kind of uncles. What I cared about was that this "uncle," although he never visited us, was concerned about our well-being. This led me to sense vaguely the meaning of compassion & sympathy for suffering, [but not so much its connection & motivation by Christian faith].
I groped eagerly for illumination, for the world seemed dark in those years, although the war had ended, even to a child of a protected home such as mine. After 1918, strikes & fanatical patriots swept through the impoverished country; there was shooting heard in the workers' section. We children stayed home for days because of grippe epidemics or lack of coal; the streets were often unlit. I huddled in the corner of my unlit nursery, my younger sister sick with the grippe. The Justice & Mercy of religion class once held promise; now they contained menace. [Applied to the present] life of unrest, they now grew to a challenging enigma. [I feared looting & that the workers would come to occupy the better-off people's houses. Why shouldn't they come & dispossess us?
Times of uncertainty and crumbling values contain a lesson, even for children, that all events have many sides, many faces; so must God, I concluded. I was no longer able to see the existence of God clearly and without trouble. Father brought home many leaflets and pamphlets; some of them Christian pamphlets, accusing generals and cannon producers of crucifying Christ, should he come back now; some of them blaming pacifists and socialists for betraying Germany. We sold our house when our savings were lost. I was relieved, feeling that privileges were obstacles in the search for truth. Much later I realized the irony the poor who never chose poverty must have felt, and how embittered they likely were about the message of voluntary poverty.
I was sad when we moved from the house in which I had spent my early childhood. The furniture was heaped crudely on the street. Our cook was allowed to pick out whatever she liked, since we could not keep her. We had holy pictures, to which the cook's working-class fiance said, "They have never been with us, really." In another town, in another school of patriotic middle-class teachers, people and their children. We would write compositions [on the awful Versailles treaty and the socialist traitors]. On May 1st a huge procession of workers marched behind a red flag. I remembered the words of the worker from 2 years before. They were addressed to and condemning the religion that had never meant any commitment to life [or those in need of help].
The Kingdom of God—When I was 16, my sister & I prepared for confirmation. Our parish pastor was a mild man with a white pointed beard; he seemed tired & unconvincing. There were no soul-searching questions; answers were formalized through the catechism's responses. Confirmation was a pleasant holiday with visits & presents from relatives; there was no religious fervor. We went to confirmation in order to do what others did. Times were bad for expensive purchases; most of us wore what could be afforded; there was no external conformity. I recited Holy Trinity passages, & wondered about them. I wished I had my own prayer to approach the miracle of mankind's Savior in its 3-fold revelation. I hoped for golden cloud or roaring wind; this did not occur.
It is said in times of excitement & unsettlement, the minds of people are awakened to [queries] which the religion's existing system doesn't satisfy. The Society of Friends' George Fox & I had such an experience. When I talked to Father, he shook his head & told me it wasn't wise to leave the church, which was necessary to regulate the relations between men & something higher than themselves. Without the church there would be nothing but rebellions & upheavals & being an outcast. He wanted me to have an easy life, & it was hard to live lonely.
[Being an Outcast; Being with an Outcast]—I researched strong idealism's effect on being an outcast. I found a strange company of "outcasts," early Christians, mystical sects through centuries like the Quakers, & rebellious atheists, all fervent & self-denying for the sake of a kind, calm utopia. It was God's Kingdom for some, a just state for others, a [time of struggle], sacrificing, & dying. I entered Confirmation with expectations & uneasiness; I still hoped for a vision. I felt something that I thought might be spurious & momentary. Each of us recited a Psalm, received a scroll with Christ & a Sermon on the Mount passage; I felt disappointed. The road from doubt to conviction is long, traversed step by step, sometimes through shocks; sometimes through utter despair.
[In my struggles], I discovered first a tiny fragment of a new reality which I had missed in solitary & comfortable brooding. A Jewish girl, Gerda, joined my high school class. She was avoided by my classmates; she looked different & belonged to a different type of the human race, & probably betrayed the Fatherland. I wasn't used to her relationship to her mother; it was more like a friendship between equals, more tender & confidential. I began to ask mother and father about the rumors of being from Jewish stock and found out that mother was. I told Gerda. Nothing much happened afterwards. I lost some friends and gained some better ones. And yet a little window had opened in the dark space of doubts pushed up by my conscience, a window with a new vista.
A New School—The life for which German school children were prepared in the 20's was a chaos of insecurity. Millions of people were plunged into despair, and although its extent was vague, I sensed its burden. Mother had no time to care for our house and no maid to help her. She ran errands and bought food before prices went up further. Even my father receiving his salary daily was not fast enough for coping with the race of devaluation. I had a sense of the futility of school, even though I was much more insulated from from the country-wide cynicism. Girls and boys a few years older than I were already engaged in all kinds of bartering and speculating with foreign money. Profiteers, including young bank clerks gained and lost their money overnight.
Inflation stopped by the time I began preparing for university studies. The older people were filled with helpless depression, the younger ones with impatience for a better start. I chose Hamburg, a modern school that would give me a survey of old & new values, in order to form a more complete picture of the world. In Hamburg, I met a cross-section of pupils from various backgrounds: older children of workers; & children of wealthy people. I found that our general standard of knowledge was lifted by the presence of the worker's children.
There were socialists, pacifists, & communists, all tied up in youth movements groups, but very few religious minds. None of them wanted to be cynical; all longed for a worthy cause. Christian faith for them had become a tool of selfish or narrow-minded powers; most of us turned away from it, & looked for supporting groups amid the chaos. There was an officer's son who was brought up in absolute loyalty to country. He began to realize his outlook's narrow human basis, but he couldn't live in a vacuum with his strong emotions, & needed a firmer tie to shift them to; this involved great problems, soul-searching & concentration on a new cause. He best depicts [his contemporaries'] feverish plight, & the yearning for an ideology [claiming total commitment].
Visit to England & the Quakers—Journeys into foreign countries were part of our school program. At year's end, papers were written on topics inspired by the journeys; the marks were part of [the students' grade]. Our form went to England. English Quakers & peace organizations helped with collections being arranged for needy pupils. We all received the same amount of pocket money for the journey. We were met in London by a delegation of English pacifists, & were housed in an East End Friends' Meeting House. Weekends we were invited to visit rural Friends, & we attended silent meetings for worship; my mind was seeking. In the quiet barn where I was seated, all external distractions seemed banned. I was surrounded by other human beings, radiating strength in a silent common search. The promises & slogans of others weren't forced on me; others felt similarly.
I visited slum projects, where young people were gathered and entertained in a simple, feast-like manner. My more socialistic friends and I recognized the attitude of simple helpfulness and the lack of self-righteousness in this work. I felt that the effectiveness of limited relief depends strongly on the individuals administering it, and their radiant, honest kindness. Among the English Friends, I found many sympathetic, even-minded people, blessed with a lack of national and group prejudices. Our English guide [was unremarkable], save for an untiring enthusiasm about him. He had lost wife and child, and was happy around young people. He might have been pathetic if had not been for the expression of gentle joy on his thin face. He belonged to those marginal figures who bring out the deeper meaning of a large picture, and imprint it better and more lastingly on our minds.
About Faces, Suffering & Pity—[Shocks to the mind around] the meaning of life & death began for me with Hitler's rise to power & the persecution & intolerance that followed. I moved to Austria as a student, where I witnessed the bloody end of the Socialist government in Vienna, saw idealists departing for Spain to support the loyalists & a new freedom, & saw German refugees. I decided to voice my attitude toward Hitlerism.
Being anti-Hitler was for me a human credo rather than a political opinion. It led to my exile in France after Austria's occupation by Hitler. This flight, partly chosen, partly imposed, brought a great change into my life. In a strange country with a new language, a foreigner scarcely tolerated, I looked at life and people with new eyes. The less people have, the more they get to know without words; I had to learn all over again. I had come again of age, and memories of childhood mingled with the problems of a world at war.
[Neighbors in Exile]—France had many exiles who had left their countries for racial, political, or religious reasons. All their beliefs were tied up with the conception of freedom from oppression. The deeper sources that fed the spirit of brave endurance weren't so easily recognized as the words & reasons given for it. More refugees went to political meetings than to places of worship. Faith in brotherhood was interspersed with petty sorrows & problems of daily life; I wrote & tutored to get by. On the whole, the misery we encountered in Paris was still of a frozen & subdued kind. Tragic defeat wasn't yet in the open. Our laundry man & his often sick wife made their living by scrubbing linen. There was a gentle Jewish philosopher & a poet famous for his rebellious songs. These 2 committed suicide when Germany overran France, while the [laundry] couple went on enduring life in fear.
Then there were 2 Germans refugee women, with surprisingly poignant memories. The father of the younger, a trade-union man, has been murdered by the Nazis, and his mutilated body leaned against the door of his daughter's house; the older woman's husband, a Communist, was decapitated after a cruel trial. I should have liked to have asked: What is your ultimate source of conviction? I learned that words, whether religious or political, do not really answer the question which arises from the thin edge where death and faith meet.
One force that bound fighters & dreamers in exile sprang from compassion, as compassion springs from [das Mitleid (pity, sympathy, compassion, mercy)] Das Mitleid is as many-faced as freedom, bringing peace or revenge. The last words of 7 students executed in Munich were from the 1st Corinthian letters. Others died with freedom words on their lips. I came close to death in a solitary, unheroic way. My flesh seemed to strip away. Around the corner a silent neighbor was waiting with me; he guarded words & visions of those who died in faith.
Panic & Fear—I was fleeing south from Paris in the summer after Germans had broken into France (1940). Mass fear & panic mingled with unexpected consolation; solitary fear gave way to compassion & unity. Dust arose from thousands of feet tramping the roads. I was with a young woman & her 3-year old son on bikes. We crept into tall wheat fields when a German airplane strafed the road. We rode in a truck of French soldiers, who took turns holding the boy. We passed desperate mothers who had lost their children & asked about them. We were helped by people sharing their food. For a short while we were all one, engulfed together in the stream of fleeing people. Some villages were almost empty, except for a few dead people, live dogs, chickens, & vagrants.
We took refuge in a barn, slept there until we were harshly awakened by roaring planes with swastikas and detonations. [I saw various displays of desperate piety, resignation and despair]; I never found out how many people were killed that night; we slept in the wheat fields. We awoke to red poppies bending down to us in the morning breeze, and the golden wheat shafts were lighting up under the rising sun; a glorious morning.
There Might be a House/ An Interlude—We reached Toulouse by many detours. Toulouse was a student & tourist city with memories of troubadors & mystical heretics; [instead we saw refugees from the Spanish Civil War caught up in a defeat in a strange country]. They gathered at a house that Spainards knew was the Quaker's place. A little girl told us there might be a Quakers house in Marseille for all strangers. It was as if she had made up a fairy tale of Quakers helping everywhere; I was not to find this house until the end of my story in Europe.
My young friend & her son settled down temporarily in a small mountain town near where her husband was interned; I stayed with her. We ate in a communal kitchen, helped with domestic tasks & picked grapes for the peasants. It was a quiet time, almost a idyl, [with beautiful autumn days in the] blue shadows of mountains. 2 worlds met here, 2 different times in France's history: [the enlightened helpfulness of French Revolution Days; the Catholic Church's comforting ritual & institution]. There was a bibliotheque populaire (public library). Many religious peasants felt pity for the Spaniards & gave them all kinds of support without asking after their creeds.
Our landlady provided hot bricks for our beds, [and did not hold our German origins against us]. She regarded war as a catastrophe for which great lords were responsible. Her son worked as a prisoner for German peasants, and sought chocolate bars for the peasants children; with whom he was good friends. Each morning she would go to early Mass and pray for him. Then she would work as a hospital charwoman and go to her field in the afternoons. We were told that all refugees might be sent to internment camps; it would be better for us to go to Marseille. I remembered the Quaker house that might be in Marseille.
Prayer/ The House/ The Farewell—[I thought] any power beyond man's reach was too great for personal prayer requests. In Marseille, I learned to understand prayer better than before. I learned to know Leocadia, a young Spanish refugee woman who was one of my dearest friends in those days. Leocadia was a gentle person, filled despite her great despair, with deep yet troubled faith. She was married right before she fled to France; her honeymoon was [a series of] endless roads, dying people, bombed-out houses and nights of fear. In France they were interned separately. Her husband tried to escape to see her and was sentenced to prison. Leocadia's sadness was great, and increased with each visit to prison. She told me she did not pray for his liberation, saying, "I pray for him; I do not seek fulfillment of my wishes, but it gives me peace ... I am not good any longer. I have learned to hate; they are so cruel to my husband ... [Prayer] is the only thing left to me. It is like being home again."
I look at our Quaker hostel as a symbol and as a relief station. Led astray by by the turmoils of a shaken world, we came to it as in the parable of the prodigal son. It requires of the hostel's administrator tact, efficiency, and deep affection. [In the midst of] rundown house and deserted lots, it stood as a friendly 3-story brick house with great windows; new comers needed to arrive before 9. Once this house had been a Norwegian sailors' rest home. After a big bowl of lentil or bean soup, the guests would go down into the great-windowed dormitory always filled with chatter in the daytime, and restless sleepers at night.
One was interviewed before admission in another part of town. The interviewers' understanding questions, conveyed a warmth that would stay with one in the cold streets. The hostel's directress was an elderly American, a strict Christian, not a Quaker. She believed in Christian obedience rather than in love. The hostel had disciplinary order, rather than a cooperative spirit, the chill of charity done with an unloving spirit. Breaking rules for cleanliness was considered sinful. For Christmas we had a special brew made out of orange peel, knitting happily around the Christmas tree, & a strange sermon, in which dirt was equal with sin. When offering relief, what will you do to other people seeking help under stress? What spiritual resources will you be able to convey?
I had to leave the hostel after 2 months. In the hostel all helpers wore the stern expression of the administrator. [At the office where I processed out], everybody was kind & committed to the sorrows they listened to but often couldn't fix. Whenever I drink tea now, I have a peaceful vision of [the office] & the warmth I found there. I had a final farewell visit to share the news that I had gotten a Mexican visa & was able to leave. I received a small card with the address of the American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) in Philadelphia. I treasured the card & the quiet words I [heard from] the Friend who spoke with me. The words & their sincerity led me beyond the temporary anxiety of those days, & [reminded] me I wasn't a hunted animal living on charity & chance. I carried only a small bundle aboard the ship, that & memories of friends, dead, far away or struggling.
Epilogue—It took 5 years after leaving Europe to go to the Friends' study center in America. A new world war started & with it events that shunted me to the US instead of Mexico. I was safe, but freed from the burden of persecution, I didn't know what I should look forward to. The fortress I saw from the boat [seemed to] lock up tears and desperate courage, the unquiet graves of friends and parents, and a meaning I could no longer decipher.
I had a teaching fellowship in an eastern college, and again experienced the security and continuity of intellectual pursuits. In all my activity, I could not forget that there were stronger and deeper values than those of scholarship. The amiable and slightly stale life of the well-ordered campus seemed to enhance my uneasiness. The offer of a teaching position at Pendle Hill felt like an answer to a prayer. [I rediscovered] the little card from Marseille; it had pointed like a compass to the place I had just reached. It seemed an assurance that I should find again what I had lost. People were there to learn better understanding and tolerance among men.
My assignment was to give language instruction to AFSC relief workers being sent to Europe. Now I was given the chance to fill words like faith, justice, & mercy with life & experience that could be passed on. [Some-thing beyond the translation itself] shone through the network of grammar: urgent visions, deep, silent pauses, sorrows & daily tasks of the early Friends around the suffering & iniquities of this world & a faith in things beyond them. In morning worship, on wooden benches, sit the Friends I heard of in my childhood, whom I had for-gotten & met again, waiting in this morning hour for the Inner Light and Voice. [There is search for meaning here]. This meaning rises & falls with the tide of memories, inconsistencies, bruises, blanks & yearnings. It is the texture from which prayers are made & through which sometimes the sharp knock of recognition can be heard.
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265. Thoughts are Free: A Quaker Youth Group in Nazi Germany (by Anna Sabine Halle; 1985)
About the Author—Anna Sabine Halle, daughter of Olga and Gerhard Halle, co-founders of German Yearly Meeting, 1925, is a native of Berlin and an educator; she studied in Sweden and the US. She has researched and published on the subject of Quakers in Germany during the Nazi period
About the Translator—Mary E. B. Feagins was a student in Nazi Germany. She and her husband have met Olga Halle, Anna Halle’s mother. They have visited Eberhard and Käte Tacke in East Berlin. Through correspondence, Mary Feagins and Anna Halle have become good friends.
About the Cover Artist—Eberhard Tacke was born in 1903 in Berlin. He was recognized as a portrait painter. He often created series of drawings based on religious motifs. He lived in East Berlin.
Preliminary Remarks/ Youth Group History —We frequently describe the Religious Society of Friends as “religion without dogma.” We practice “silent worship” believing God can be revealed directly to every human being; there is in everyone something “of God.” We renounce the death penalty & war. This story is an attempt to realize the conviction that religious belief & political action are [inseparable], even under the Nazis.
As early as 1933, individual Berlin Quakers had been objects of persecution. [Here we write of] how the Berlin Monthly Meeting of Quakers as an organization took a clear and public stand in opposition to the Nazi regime in 1933. They allotted a contribution to the Anti-war Museum, and collected books to send to political prisoners. A meeting minute states: “We resolve to invite regularly, to a private evening tea, persons whom we know personally to be endangered,” thus offering them fellowship for a few hours in a relaxed atmosphere.
A need arose to do something for the youth. When we consider how few adults kept a cool head [in the face of the Nazi regime], we can understand how difficult it was for youth to live in a state of exclusion, a state they had to establish for themselves. [In the face of personal danger, it was a big risk] to assume responsibility for youth whose parents weren’t even Quaker. Out of the entire list of 54 youths over 6 years, only 8 came from Quaker families. The formation of groups [mixing Aryans & non-Aryans] had been strictly forbidden since 1934.
Religious Conviction & Political Astuteness/ Composition & Goals of the Youth Group—The Berlin Meeting was disappointed the Yearly Meeting refused specific support. The German Yearly Meeting wrote in 1936: “We have learned that among us are human beings going through sorrows & suffering, free of bitterness & hate. This has been for a living testimony of the Spirit’s power, which overcomes despair & calls us … to carry the little child on our shoulders through the floods of our time to the other shore.” They wrote earlier “The time of private devotion is past … We have to be sustained by the revelation of the Eternal in our life, so that there is no longer any distinction between actions & religious convictions.” There was also “the responsibility for Quakerism’s persistence in Germany.” The confidence shown to youth group at Yearly Meeting gatherings served as a balance to the earlier cautions against thoughtless risk. “We must expect from members & all those taking part in a meeting the most extreme discipline in word & behavior, & outside in interaction with [the public].”
The Berlin MM entrusted the youth group’s leadership to Willy Wohlrabe, former head of the Saxony department in charge of youth questions. We youth accepted this leader without further to-do. We even practiced “Quaker Democracy” [i.e we reached agreement on a matter through consensus whenever possible]. It seems unusual that we easily bridged the differing faiths of our family backgrounds. [8 were Quaker; 15 from Socialist Party circles; 26 were racially persecuted. One specific tendency we shared in common: our ideals were bound to concrete social action prompted by the examples of Schweitzer, Gandhi, Laotse, Kagawa, or earlier Quakers.
  Albert Schweitzer said: “Grow into your ideals so the life cannot take them away from you.” He also said: "In these times, when the exercise of power cloaked in deception is dominating the world more dreadfully than ever before, I am still convinced that Truth, Love, Gentleness, and Kindness constitute the power that is above all power. The world will belong to them, if only enough human beings think and live out thoughts of truth, love gentleness, and peaceableness with sufficient purity, strength and constancy.”
Our Almost Normal Group Life—[We practiced] sharing rather than exchanging ideas. Our favorite subjects were “Internal and External Freedom” and “The Relation of the Individual to his Environment and Neighbor.” How does it happen that anyone with a “humanistic” and academic education, were so easily seduced by an inhumane ideology? What are we able to accomplish today that is positive? By [helping needy families in various ways], we saw our own material situation in a new light.
Lotte Westphal, an infantile paralysis victim, took part in our hikes, by being pulled in a handcart. The Quakers offered consciously a counterbalance to the Nazi ideology. Unconsciously they influenced us through example. We felt the silence’s good effects at the beginning & end of our activities. We understood the Quaker wish to avoid anything that can divide people. We renounced smoking & alcohol & wished to stay clear of any addictions. We placed demands upon ourselves that would appear “repressive” to a youth group today: order, cleanliness, punctuality. These were necessary prerequisites for a productive community life.
[We had to go on excursions keeping in mind that] we were not only breaking the National Socialist Law of Assembly but must constantly fear the charge of “racial dishonor.” Later, the organization of Easter gatherings in Berlin with friends from abroad was more difficult, as were trips to Bad Pyrmont. Pyrmont held the oldest Quaker House in Europe, which had been reconstructed in 1932 on the original foundations from 1800; we had been holding our yearly meetings there ever since. The Quaker in charge there was taken to Buchenwald in 1942.
In nearby Friedensthal there were straw beds & the use of a kitchen for the group. Every visitor from abroad brought moving greetings from the free world, & an assurance we weren’t alone in our moral need. [Our presence allowed] older Friends to see a modest success for their efforts to include young persons who understood & shared their goals. We were eager to thank the grown-ups for all the sacrifices they were making for us.
It was precisely the intention of the Berlin Quakers that we should for brief moments forget the seriousness of the time. We were able through a very special and carefully worked out plan to make a trip to the Czechoslovakian part of the Riesen Mountain Range. The officials there remembered the “youth hikes” of Willy Wohlrabe, which produced a lot of goodwill. In Finkenberg, a division of “Hitler Youth” surrounded us, hailed some Storm Troopers and made us march through the streets to Spandau. They seized the songbooks and a Quaker book and let us go that night. Guenther Gaulke, and I were subjected to fearful cross-examination. It was difficult to be faithful to my convictions and the truth and yet “wise as serpents.
The Quaker Bureau/ Quaker Aid—This bureau placed some rooms at the Berlin Quakers’ disposal. A Children’s Group, our youth Group, Young Friends, & numerous members of a “Student Club” also used the space. We placed limitations on our own freedom in order not to jeopardize the adults’ pressing work of aiding those oppressed by the Nazis. The ground floor rooms were scantily furnished. Any longing we had for any sheer beauty beyond the grim reality was fulfilled on Sundays when a flower bouquet decorated the worship room.
We had learned not to attract unnecessary attention on the way to & from our evening meetings. Once inside, we youngsters were unrestrained in our noisy talking, laughter & song. We had no political brochures, agitating propaganda or banned books there. Only in a case of emergency or extreme importance would we risk closing the office or having the service banned. We deliberately defied Gestapo injunction by fostering friendly associations among “Jews,” “Aryans” & “Politicals”; this was of great importance & a fundamentally Quaker position.
The International Secretariat [Bureau] had been formed after WWI for purposes of reconciliation and peace. Jewish as well as political victims of harassment were asking the Quaker Bureau for material support or assistance in emigration and job seeking. People seeking help streamed into the Bureau from all areas of Germany. The Jewish community was already taking care of orthodox Jews. Who was going to help those the wider Jewish community or those who have left the churches? Who abroad is going to take them into their families and into their schools, to provide jobs parents and money for “affidavits?” How can sick and old persons for whom no one is responsible be saved? The Bureau’s work was in cooperation with Quaker centers in the US, Sweden, Shanghai, Tokyo, Australia, South Africa, Geneva, London, and Vienna.
2 Quaker projects for the politically and racially persecuted are still mentioned throughout Germany. English Quakers supported a rest home for persons experiencing nervous tension because of suffering in an atmosphere of despondence and despair as they tried to emigrate. Of special significance to the youth was the founding of a Quaker school in 1934. Baron van Pallandt of Holland placed his property, Schloss Eerde near Ommen, at the disposal of the school. The Head of the School was the Quaker Katharina Petersen, who refused to swear an oath to the Nazi regime. As grievous as it must have been for German parents to separate from their children, the relief at being able to offer a short period of freedom more than compensated for the separation.
The Berlin co-workers were under constant scrutiny by the Gestapo, so they spoke & kept few written accounts of activities. [There is little record of the thousands that were likely saved by the cooperative efforts] of the International Secretariat & other organizations. The co-workers’ mental stress was shown in Quaker minutes in 1937. It was decided “not to ask the Friends of the Secretariat any questions of a practical nature … in order that they might be vigorous … in their arduous work with its psychological strain.” Wilhelm Raabe wrote: “The Eternal is still; the Transitory, full of sound. Silently, God’s will overcomes the earth’s conflict.”
Some Restrictions on Quaker Activity—There were meetings for worship, lectures and discussions held at the Bureau, [and thus] a constant coming and going of strangers, sometimes including an informer for the Gestapo. Some Quaker members had lost their jobs for political reasons; some had been questioned by the Gestapo and forbidden to associate with Jews but were not adhering to this. The Committee for Business of April 1933 wrote: “It is our concern to distinguish the essential from the unessential …” Berlin Quakers minuted: “We should be very cautious about taking public stands and do so only after serious and thorough examination of our conscience.” [They referred to informers as] “someone whose interests are not those of Quakers.” [They sought to have their lives and their speech remain quite in keeping with their spirit.”
In the Quaker offices, no one ever spoke of foreign radio broadcasts or told political jokes; we were denied satisfaction of fighting our opponent with leaflets or any other “illegal activity.” We had to renounce the fulfill-ment of making visible our resistance and the fulfillment of shared excitement with its strong community-building power. I didn’t learn until much later that my parents could correspond with Quakers abroad only with great difficulty, in 1938. We learned only after the war of like-minded, [resisting] friends living only a few streets away. Secrecy was kept even among closest friends—not out of mistrust, but because of mutual desire not to place one another in jeopardy. Neither church nor Party youth groups sought contact with us. Werner Sachse had to become a soldier, & died in the “Russian winter.” All conscientious objectors were punished by death.
Almost Like Sanctuaries—My sister and I were taken out of Lichterfeld’s school as the only 2 not part of the Nazi’s youth group for girls. My sister went to Wald School, and I went to school along with the daughters of great industrialists, bank directors and estate owners at Queen Luise Seminary. The “Pestalozzi-Frobel-Haus” (PFH) was a center of secret resistance. Pestalozzi’s maxim was: “one can only want to do what one loves.”
At PFH, instead of the official “Yule Celebration” we had a regular Christmas. I recited Conrad Ferdinand Meyer’s “Peace on Earth” [excerpt follows]: “When on the night of Jesus’ birth/ The shepherds watching over herds/ Obeyed the angel’s joyful words/ to seek the stable, once forlorn/ Now blessed with mother and new- born,/ While the stars like bells were ringing,/ Heavenly choirs continued singing:/ Peace, let Peace prevail on Earth ... Still there remains the firm belief/ That, though the weak may bow in grief/ Constricted by the murderous girth/ Of evil, this shall not be so/ Forever. Somewhere here below/ Justice is at work in sorrow/ To build a state that will tomorrow/ Foster peace upon the earth.” To persons without the Christian tradition, we [shared the intention of Zarathustra from the 6th century B.C. to strive as though the time when the appeal of those who are helping is finally heard and acted on is already here].
Aids to Spiritual Survival For us and Others—As risks increased, more and more people left our group by emigrating, fleeing, going underground, or being deported. [In a time of such repression, what sustained us?] What contributed to our psychological survival? There was always music—especially our own, folk songs and hiking songs of the youth and workers movements. We all sang the songs of ancient and modern romantics, like Eichendorff, Loens, and Erich Kaestner.
Non- or anti-Nazi literature that was illegally smuggled in from abroad was usually unknown to us. We found in our parents’ bookcases all important writers of the Weimar Period, including the currently banned Jewish and Socialist writers. I [mainly] wish to point the significance of literature in times when a dictatorship “brings into line” all the media, but also paralyzes literary expression.
Pastor Wilhelm Mensching & a Quaker committee planned that selected pamphlets, called “Heritage pamphlets,” be legally disseminated. They edited more than 26 different pamphlets (500 copies of each edition), including essays about poets, musicians, social reformers, philosophers, Gandhi, Luther, Nansen & Schweitzer. [Leonhard Friedrich oversaw the process], until he was put into a concentration camp. The Quaker woman who edited them received a prison sentence. She was freed only through the intervention of an influential relative.
The “Heritage Pamphlets” were found by Friends Relief Service in their search for cultural material for German prisoners of war; they distributed 50,000. An especially lively response was evoked among persons of the most varied philosophies by the “Hasidic Stories,” selected from Martin Buber by Margarethe Lachmund, a member of our Meeting: “A man who was afflicted by a severe chronic illness complained that suffering interfered with study and prayer. Rabbi Israel asked: ‘How do you know, my friend, which pleases God more, your lessons or your suffering?’ The preface to Brother Lawrence’s “The Presence of God, an Actual Experience” states: “This loving serenity and composure of the soul … is what we need to be able to become inwardly free and to help others.” This book was banned in 1942 by the Gestapo.
In War—With the war’s beginning, the foreign co-workers had to leave. We knew that the leave-taking was for a long time. Responsibility for the Bureau & the winding up of the last emigration cases were left to Olga Halle and Martha Roehn. The most dreadful task was speaking to those who could no longer be helped. Someone asked: “Why did the beautiful hours have to end, before we knew what they meant to us? Why did fate take away all our loved ones, before we recognized their true value & thanked them?” Why does an omnipotent God permit so much injustice, lying, violence, & suffering to exist in the world? None of us knew the answer.
The growing terror in war-time limited our participation in group life and practical work to an ever-diminishing circle. A Jewish girl wrote: “I am thankful for every day in which, in the quiet of my work, I can still dedicate myself to my neighbors and to myself.” Since we were in school or in training, we could participate very little in the material help being given in the war. The youth was allowed to send books, games, and theatrical material to prisoners of war. The whole undertaking was only possible because the Nazis had confidence in the uprightness of the Quakers. Strange cooperation between opponents.
  Not Merely an End of the Youth Group/ Biographical Notes—During the war our group continued to decline in numbers, from Jews escaping, students leaving Berlin, becoming soldiers, or moving into the Quaker Young Friends group. A 1942 circulating letter said in part: “Not until now have we truly been able to understand the meaning of the Quaker saying: ‘Friends are persons who are known to each other in that which is eternal.”
Olga Halle shared bravely the severe consequences of all the decisions of conscience of her husband & demanded no special consideration for herself & for us 4 children. In 1933, Father was dismissed from his civil service position. Now registered with the police as “enemy of the people,” he was able to find employment only with difficulty, was threatened with internment in a concentration camp [at least once]. [The illegal act of associating with Jews we considered] to be worth the risk. Yet, in order to survive in a dictatorship, no one can be constantly consistent; we couldn’t always avoid the obligatory greeting “Heil Hitler” in our daily life & most certainly not if we wanted to outlive the Gestapo system. My parents decided that we should emigrate to New Zealand.
Mother received the questionable honor & award of the “Mutterkreuz” (distinguished mother’s cross) from a “petty Nazi” without expressing her opposition only in order to spare him difficulties with the Party leadership. War broke out & destroyed any hope of flight. My sister went to work in a children’s hospital; father & I went to work on a farm, [even though it was still] contributing to the “total war effort.” Every Nazi in moments of danger was above everything else our fellow-citizen, [suffering the same danger, deprivation, & mourning for the dead]. My younger brother was able to escape to a distant city to avoid the draft. My older brother had to become a soldier or die. My father chose to resist; [he had become a pacifist after having served with distinction in WWI]. The major in charge of his hearing, having served in the same battles, wrote something into his papers which saved my father’s life (& most certainly endangered his own); my father was never called into service again.
  An End to War and Terror: A New Beginning—We had survived! Most important to us was the fact that “thoughts are free” and now we were able to express what we thought, [and to read whatever we liked]. At age 24, I was the sole employee of the International Secretariat, which now occupied a part of our family living room. My life was serving a material and spiritual purpose which was directly visible. Help came from throughout the world, especially from the USA, and especially from individual persons unknown to us. The “Friends Ambulance Unit,” contributed in a special way by driving 60 children by car from the destroyed inner city to a green countryside, where many 6 year-olds saw grass and flowers for the 1st time.
[My income source was from] selling a carton of Camel cigarettes on the black market for 350 marks. In the case of need and corruption it is difficult to be absolutely correct. I live in the American sector. In 1950, I was happy to get a job as secretary with the city government. [Since we had different views], winning the confidence of my colleagues was as difficult as it was enriching for me. My Quaker work was at the Free University. I worked at unifying the “Reform Socialists. So-called “Progressives” and “Conservatives” should learn to speak with one another instead of combating each other. Another task was improvement in the rights and social position of non-scholarly co-workers. Albert Schweitzer wrote: “Not one of us knows what effect we may be having or what we may be giving; it is hidden … Often we are permitted to see a very little portion of this so that we may not become discouraged. Power works in mysterious ways.”
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62. Toward Undiscovered Ends [Friends and Russia for 300 years] (by Anna Cox Brinton; 1951)
About the Author—Howard & Anna Brinton arrived at Pendle Hill in the summer of 1936 with solid academic achievement at the colleges of Mills & Earlham, & became co-directors of a new sort of education enterprise, a Quaker fusion of school and community. They retired in the 1950s & lived on campus as Directors Emeriti. Anna died in 1969; Howard continued to serve by lecturing, writing, and simply being; he died in 1973.

"Let all nations hear the sound by word or writing. Spare no place, spare no tongue nor pen, be obedient to the Lord God; go through the work; be valiant for Truth upon earth; ... Be ...examples in all countries, places, islands, nations, wherever you come, that your carriage & life may preach among all sorts of people, & to them; then you will come to walk cheerfully over the world, answering that of God in every one. GEORGE FOX, 1656
[Introduction]—[What have Friends done in response to political & humanitarian crises in Russia for 300 years (1656-1951)]? 7 Friends went to Moscow this year (1951). Besides the Czar & nobility of Muscovy, Fox wrote to other rulers: "Ambition, pride, loftiness & haughtiness, stop the ear from hearing the Lord ... hearing the poor's cry ... He that regards not the poor regards not his Maker ... [They] that would be honored in the hearts of all people must answer the principle of God in all people ... with justice, truth ... patience and mercy."
Friends have selflessly volunteered in every generation since 1656 to go to worldwide nobility, & to simple people. It was obedience to an inward requirement clearly felt and affirmed by meeting members. What they can do as outsiders is to bear witness to a principle, to infuse confidence in sympathetic locals and help honest folk of various political parties to find and associate with one another. It is always easier to see next steps in rehab than it is to do away with the internal causes of people's troubles [i.e.] rivalry, poverty, and fear. Quaker workers tend to go where others are not inclined to go, to espouse unpopular causes, to labor in enemy countries.
The essential prerequisite is for each individual to keep one's mind open to Divine Inspiration, cultivate an obedient will, & possess a disciplined character & mental gifts sufficient to stand the strain. Friends at home uphold those whom they have liberated for service away from home, with sympathy, prayer, and material support. Friends do not indoctrinate. The aim is to approach persons in authority as responsible human beings whose decisions are assumed to be on moral grounds, and to say, "See for yourself that the thing is good." They serve as catalytic agents even in very complicated circumstances.
Where special, self-serving interests are involved Friends establish contact with persons of high ideals and acquaint them with one another. A misunderstood, distrusted Quaker worker might lose his life, or more likely be thrown in jail. George Fox wrote: "Though ye have not a foot of ground to stand on, yet ye have the power of God to skip and leap in." [Friends point, not to the right action], but to the spirit of Truth in all, trusting that to make known what ought to be done. George Fox wrote to Alexis, Emperor of Muscovia in 1656, and wrote to others encouraging them to go to Russia; he wrote again to the Czar in 1661. If it was like other letters, it contained a resounding call to come out of cruelty and oppression into the "mystery of godliness."
This is still the message of the Society of Friends to rulers & ruled, wise & simple, rich & poor, underdeveloped & over-mechanized. There is a steady realization that Friends must keep within the limit of their abilities & resources, & not over-reach. Mind your measure; act with your measure; improve your measure. Friends generally go first to those in authority, then to forgotten sufferers, & the former are drawn into a sense of responsibility for the latter. Quaker workers establish contact across barriers, stimulate sympathy, and promote peace.
Czars at Meeting—Friends have related in journals and letters how 3 Czars and their courtiers attended Quaker meetings. Peter the Great visited the meeting in Grace-Church Street, London in 1697. Thomas Story reports the preaching of Robert Haddock on Naaman the Captain general, namely that: "The nations of this world, being defiled and distempered as with a leprosy of sin and uncleanness, not cure or help could be found, until the Almighty ... sent his Son Jesus Christ into the world, to die for man ... through whom also he hath sent forth his divine Light ... upon all [Humankind], in order for the completing of that cure ... Thou art not too great to make use of the means offered by the Almighty for thy healing and restoration. [The people crowded around the Czar too much, so] he retired on a sudden, along with his Company before the Meeting was over ..."
In 1712, the Czar of Muscovy (Peter), inquired at Friederickstadt in Holstein whether Quakers were there. When he discover that troops were quartered at the meeting-place, he sent an order that the troops be put out, & gave notice to Friends "that if they would appoint their meeting, he would come to it ". Jacob Hagen & Philip Defair had their meeting at the 2nd hour after noon; to which the Czar came [with his Company] ... Philip preached the doctrine of Truth ... The Czar commended what he had heard, saying that whoever could live according to that doctrine would be happy ... A Friend presented him with Robert Barclay's Catechism and Apology in Dutch, he said he would translate them into his own language." Princess Daschaw attended a Friends Meeting in 1770 and said that silence might well be the best way of adoring the Most High.
In 1814, William Allen did much of the arranging for Czar Alexander I to visit a meeting & a Quaker family in London. Allen rode with the ambassador, Count Lieven and met the Czar at the meeting at Martin's Lane. A precious degree of solemnity covered the meeting. The Emperor, 2 Dukes, and the Count, sat in seats fronting the meeting. The Duchess sat in the first cross form on the woman's side. Allen sat opposite the Emperor. The Emperor and the whole part conducted themselves with great seriousness. The meeting remained in silence about a quarter-hour. Richard Phillips then stood up with "a short but acceptable address." John Wilkinson explained the effects of vital religion, and the nature of true worship, by applying the text, "He is their strength & shield." John Bell uttered a few sentences, and John Wilkinson concluded in supplication.
The Quaker family the Czar visited was one he just happened to pass along the way, Nathaniel Rickman's house and family. Eliza Gurney twice acted upon concerns which led to religious opportunities (private meetings) with the Dowager Empress of Russia. Alexander and Nicholas were weak and unable to control conditions in their own country, but they were appealed to by sound principles. Friends did not give up trying to improve the worst; having the ruler's sympathy was a help. Where conditions were intolerable they tried to find people of influence and ability who were in a position to improve the situation.
A Quaker Agriculturalist—Daniel Wheeler (1771-1840) was an orphan, & began a 12-year work history at 12, that spanned the merchant marine, Royal Navy, & the army, from the seas to Holland to the West Indies. At 24, he quit the army, joined the Society of Friends, & after 20 years became a recorded minister. He enjoyed his career in the seed trade, with its sideline of agriculture. After marrying, Daniel Wheeler retired to a "smaller compass," under a sense that some special work was required of him; he stood "continually upon the watch-tower" to discover it. He had a feeling it would be St. Petersburg.
He offered himself to undertake the management of an agricultural experiment for Alexander I. His inter-view with Prince Galitzin began with a religious silence. The Prince said: "Our languages are different, but the language of the Spirit is the same." Travel in Russia was hazardous, & life was rugged. God made them all willing for the special work which was to contribute to the happiness of Russia's "numerous inhabitants." From 1818-32, Daniel Wheeler developed an elaborate & successful agricultural project; soldiers dug drains. A model village was built in which the householders each had the use of a plot of ground; free villages were not allowed.
At the time of Wheeler's departure in 1832, about 5,000 English acres were in full cultivation. About 2,700 more acres had been drained. Various implements & methods unfamiliar to Russia had been used. Wheeler writes: "A host of servants & military find me strange or even something other than human ... Some minds are led to consider & inquire into our motives differing so widely from the rest of humankind ... [or even] lament that a larger portion of humankind don't follow our example." Wheeler offered [a lot of] help to religious visitors during his time in backing their efforts & furnishing letters & documents. He said: "Often is desire breathed that cultivation in their hearts ... may abundantly surpass & excel, that of the wastes by which we are surrounded."
Wheeler combined powerful religious convictions with remarkable administrative & diplomatic skill. [During this time Wheeler didn't] undertake any extensive religious labors. After 14 years, he gave up his superintendence of the agricultural experiment in Russia to return to England, & later make a circuit of Rio, Australia, Tahiti & Hawaii. His family & a few English workers stayed on in Russia. Wheeler went back for short visits.
Religious Visitors with Social Concerns—Prince Galitzin was very curious and asked many questions about Quakerism. Wheeler said: "I found my time was come, and I was enabled to declare to him the everlasting foundation." Prince Galitzin, the Emperor and a number of those about him were favorably predisposed for the religious visits of Stephen Grellet and William Allen in 1818-19, and Thomas Shillitoe in 1825. Stephen Grellet (1773-1855), born in France, a man of keen intellect, instinctive sympathy, was uniquely qualified to be a Quaker ambassador to Europe. He was concerned for international arbitration, public education, slaves, prisoners, the sick, and the afflicted. In Russia, he performed person-to-person service.
William Allen's (1770-1843) foremost interests were religion and the results of religion in life, through self-help projects and popular education. Before going to Russia, he prepared a report on educating the poorest classes. This interest in the Russians paved the way for Allen's decision to accept Stephen Grellet's invitation to come with him to Russia. Allen writes: "[There was] a special Meeting for Sufferings, in which S. Grellet opened his concern in a very weighty manner ... I stood up and informed Friends that I had for along time gradually felt a concern coming upon me to join our dear Friend ... and it was now settled upon my mind as a matter of duty ... A minute was made accordingly ... There was something of the presence of the Lord to be comfortably felt."
The 2 Friends reached St. Petersburg in November 1818; they had met the Czar 4 years before, and met David Wheeler in Russia. The 2 Friends explained that their motive in coming was "a sense of religious duty laid upon us by the Great Parent of the human family and a strong desire to promote the general welfare of humankind. Permission was obtained to visit public institutions, prison, schools and hospitals. Education for girls was particularly backward, except for aristocratic women. Princess Metchersky was translating several Quaker publications, including 2 of Allen's pamphlets "into common Russ."
They visited 9 prisons that were similar to those in New York and London. [They were able to alter a few of the harsher conditions they found]. The Czar asked that in the course of their travels they should communicate directly to him whatever they might notice in prisons or other places that they might think proper to being before him. A teacher-training program in the Lancastrian system for soldiers interested them even more than the jails.
[Interacting with Clergy and Others]—The jealousy of the clergy had to be reckoned with, so they decided to stick to the simple language of Scripture. They prepared a series of lessons with which Prince Galitzen and the Emperor were highly delighted; it made coming to Russia worthwhile. Dr. Paterson of the Bible Society assured that the way was not open earlier for improvement either in prisons or schools. With the Metropolitan [i.e. head of the Greek Church] and the Bishop in charge of clergy education, Grellet & Allen established a delightful friendship, but had to deal with the argument that "learning, being an instrument of power, should be kept from the poor lest they make bad use of it." Despite differing outward styles, each of these 4 devout Chritian was in thorough sympathy with the spiritual aspirations of the others.
The 2 Quakers traveled from St. Petersburg to Moscow by a 3-horse sledge. Allen noted the peasants' communal spirit. They saw grand monasteries lifting deep blue domes with golden stars against the pale winter sky. They tried to initiate improvements, expressing caution against undertaking too much, so as to avoid discouragement. Among Orthodox, Catholics, Armenians, Molokans, Mennonites, Doukhobors, Jews & Mohammedans, they had long, intimate conversation with spiritually minded persons of tender conscience who believed there is "a secret influence of God's Spirit in man's heart." The Archbishop of Georgia said they "ought to go to Georgia, [&] find some there like the salt of the earth, for whose sake the nations weren't destroyed."
They met with aristocracy & were treated as "objects of no common curiosity" & were "uniformly treated with respect & attention." They began making a social survey. Occasionally the report got out that they were the Emperor's spies. "Such was the mass of corruption, that those concerned in it are alarmed at any prospect of ... investigation." They found "A Greek Bishop at Janina (Albania) who had a copy of Barclay's Apology in Latin. He had translated it into Greek and sent copies to Tiflis (Russian Caucasus). [Bishops there] translated some of it on Divine Worship and Ministry into Arabic. Some of these were circulated both in Egypt and Armenia."
[Thomas Shillitoe (1754-1836)]—When Schillitoe got to St. Petersburg in 1824 at the age of 70, he found a different situation. [Most books] & the Bible Society itself were proscribed. He came on inward leading, the precise requirement & outcome of which he didn't know, & he couldn't advance his own reason. He waited, attentive to daily devotions, gradually familiarizing himself with the situation. He felt a need "to know every inch of ground I am to travel ... before one step is taken in the line of apprehended duty ... [while] ruminating on the seemingly useless manner in which I a spend my time, Satan [tempted me] to condemn myself ... With respect to my not being engaged in much religious service at present, whilst a cloud rests ... on the tabernacle, it must be unsafe for me to go forth." He saw his situation as "There is no truth, mercy, nor knowledge of God in the land; by swearing, lying, killing, stealing, & adultery, they break out; blood toucheth blood" (Hosea 14: 1, 2).
After a flood inundated city & country with great loss of life & property, his waiting ended. He saw Prince Galitzin & met with the Emperor twice. He addressed an appeal to English people in Russia, but though many were eager hearers of the word, they appeared to be "but slothful doers of it" & stumbling blocks in the way of honest inquirers. He saw the Emperor one evening. Alexander enquired after Stephen Grellet, William Allen, & Daniel Wheeler. Shillitoe ask to publish an appeal to the Russian people on the abuse of holidays, especially First Day. The Czar confessed to feeling he had "little power for doing what I see to be right for me to do." He asked for a "quiet sitting together." In their 2nd interview, Shillitoe stressed problems he had not brought up before: bondage of peasants and punishments by flogging.
He visited 2 prisons for men & one for women. He saw 15 convicts being marched to Siberia, a year's journey at 15 miles a day; he gave one a New Testament, and spoke a few sentences to the rest. He went by sledge with Wheeler to Riga. Moving forward to the present, Dr. Kathleen Lonsdale, an experienced prison visitor, & other members of the Quaker mission to the USSR, visited a Moscow prison. In the factory attached to it prisoners were paid at normal rates. 15% of their earnings went to maintenance and 15% into compulsory savings. Professor Lonsdale said she believed the object of Russian prisons was to reform the prisoners.
Political Quakers and Russia—Both William Penn and John Bellers raised their voices for Russia in their plans for the peace of Europe. Bellers wrote: "The Muscovites are Christians and the Mahometans men, & have the same faculties and reasons as other men ... To beat their brains out to put sense into them is a great mistake, and would leave Europe too much in a state of war." John Bellers is honored in present-day Russian school books for his ideas on social reform, which were precursors to Karl Marx.
John Bright worked to avert the Crimean War. Bright wasn't so much against war in general, as he was against every war in particular, & for peace on grounds common to all thoughtful people through promoting understanding of the facts through his powerful oratory. John Bright wrote: "We to protest the maintenance of great armaments in peace; the spirit which is not only willing but eager for war; the mischievous policy of interfering with the internal affairs of other countries. You say you are a Christian nation ... Is your profession a dream?
Early in 1854, the Meeting for Sufferings drew up a religious appeal to the Czar: "[We do not] presume to offer any opinion upon the question now at issue between the Imperial Government of Russia and that of any other country ... We implore [the Divine], by whom 'kings reign and princes decree justice' so to influence thy heart and to direct thy councils at this momentous crisis, that thou mayest practically exhibit ... the efficacy of the Gospel of Christ, ... [especially] His command, 'Love your enemies." In St. Petersburg, after the address had been read, Joseph Sturge spoke, confining himself to the moral and religious aspects of the question, and focusing on the greatest sufferers in the war, the innocent men with their wives and children.
The Czar made a dignified reply, saying he abhorred war & didn't seek to ruin Turkey. They were encouraged to visit the Czar's daughter; it proved to be an icy occasion, as there was news from England of increased armaments & [warlike] speeches in the House of Commons. 6 weeks later, England declared war. The Meeting for Suffering issued a public appeal to the people of England, the kernel of which was "That which is morally and religiously wrong cannot be politically right."
Joseph Sturge, although an individual with an unpopular opinion, helped to get a provision urging the Paris Treaty's signers to seek arbitration before [armed conflict]; it helped avoid conflict between England & Russia in 1877. Instead of national fleets, John Bright suggested a joint arrangement "to supply the sea with sufficient sailing & armed police ... to keep peace." The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to the Society of Friends in 1947. The American Friends Service Committee Board allocated its ½ of the prize to improving relations with Russia. Opportunity for continued conversations with Russian representatives result from contact with Quaker non-governmental representatives at the UN Assembly.
Friends and the Pacifist Sects—Molokans, Mennonites, & Doukhobors of Russia have customs like those of Friends. Molokans have silent waiting for Divine worship, with some speaking under the Spirit's influence. They agree with Quakers on sacraments & oaths. They turn the other cheek & patiently bear the loss of property. Their young men in the army work without having to bear arms. Mennonites refuse to take part in war, and have unpaid ministers. The Doukhobors were thoroughly Russian; they have been cruelly treated. Their patriarchs have great authority and often reach a very old age. Their people are not allowed Bibles. They appeared accustomed to stripping off their clothing as a testimony to the naked truth. [Forced relocation and efforts to make them conform] continued in 1842 for about ½ a century; their leaders were banished to the far north.
In 1892, Joseph Neave felt a distinct call to go to Russia; John Bellows agreed to accompany him. John Bellow wrote: "The wisest, cleverest, and best man going partly by Divine guidance and partly stepping before it by his own judgment, would have failed utterly ... Great and mightily changes will come in this land for release ... from cruel suffering and bondage, but the time is hidden from us ... I cannot ... make myself spiritually anything else than the strange compound of inconsistencies I have been ... If I am sent into the harvest-field as a child to glean where [powerful Quakers] reaped, I must do the best I can." These men also found sympathetic members of the nobility. With Count Tolstoy these 2 Friends felt real unity and he with them. John disapproved of using the proceeds from one of Tolstoy's book to defray the cost of moving the Doukhobors to Canada, but despite the strain this disagreement caused, his friendship with Tolstoy stood the strain, a credit to both.
Joseph Neaves and John Bellows reach Trans-Caucasus by train, greatly relishing the camels, mosques and ancient ruins, and the Russians, Tartars, Armenians, Georgians, Turks and Germans they saw. 60 languages were spoken in the Caucasus. Even without police or trained professionals the Doukhobors managed better than their neighbors. Pacifism, vegetarianism and early-Christian style Communism were their essential tenets. John Bellows wrote: "In their faithfulness to the one point that has been shown them, the duty of loving all men, they have attained a high degree of perfection." Their mass migration to Canada in 1898 was successfully completed with the help of Friends in England and America, and of sympathizers in Russia.
Relief and Reconstruction—The first Quaker relief mission to Russia, in the person of Joseph Sturge went in 1856, to estimate damage done to fishing villages along the coast of Finland, which then belonged to Russia. England's good name was seriously injured when the Fleet bombarded defenseless Finnish people [when they could not find any Russian ships]. The 1856 Meeting for Suffering received Sturge's moderate statement of loss arrived at in consultation with local Finnish committees; Sturge returned with a reconciling message and reparations. In 1891, a substantial relief project was carried out over a wide area of famine-struck Russia.
After [Russia's part in WWI (1916)], in no country were conditions so severe as they were in Russia. 2,500,000 refugees were then thought to be in western Russia, displaced from a less severe climate & a higher standard of living. Within months this number trebled, becoming something like 12,000,000. Psychologically, work was the primary need; a happy, idle refugee was a contradiction in terms. When 6 American women joined the British in 1917, food was the prime need. The Russian Revolution was on, & the Russians were taking responsibility for children's colonies & homes for orphans. The civil war, lack of funds & supplies, & being unable to bring in new recruits, caused the unit to withdraw after turning work over to the Russians. The last members worked their way east, ending up at Vladivostok, where they gave what help they could under the Red Cross.
Though they left the field, these workers did not consider the mission accomplished. The Quakers tried from various angles to reenter Russia & finally in 1920, the work was reopened. Children's homes in the grand old houses of the aristocracy gave Quaker workers "the ... experience of witnessing a great experiment." Famine was followed by pestilence. There was a acute need for typhus control. The American Relief Administration (ARA) undertook to serve in Russia on behalf of the US. English & Americans had to work separately, because of a Congressional stipulation that supplies must be distributed by Americans.
In spite of free port service, transportation, storage & distribution, communications, mechanics & motor supplies, relief distribution was intensely slow & difficult. For every 100 lbs. Of food that left England & America, 99 lbs. reached their destination in Russia. One father was informed that only orphans could be fed. He said, "Then they shall be orphans." There was typhus, malaria, cholera, weakened manpower, loss of draft animals. Freight cars were jammed with refugees attempting to return home. Some Russian mothers wrote: "We who are destined to die this winter from starvation & disease, implore the people of the world to take our children from us that those who are innocent won't share our horrible fate ... In the name of those still living, we beseech you." The relief worked & gave way to reconstruction. From 1923-1931, several members of the Friends' unit helped in the Soviet government's public health program. The 1st Russian manual for nurses was produced with the help of an American Committee worker who had come with the 1st party from the US & was still serving in Moscow.
Harry Timbres & his wife had been Service Committee workers in Poland & Russia. Harry had first a tourist visa & then got a permanent visa. He & his family went first to Moscow & then to a village in a remote forest in the Volga Valley to work in a hospital; his wife Rebecca served as a nurse. [They took an active part in the local culture & "citizenship training." Most of their money was spent on food, & such comforts as they had were thoroughly enjoyed. They felt "the old Russian shiftlessness and procrastination and the new Russian passion for achievement" influencing every aspect of their lives. Rebecca called it "patience in the present, faith in the future, joy in the doing." Harry was exhilarated by the new-found hope of the masses, and depressed by the rumblings of war. A year after he started, Dr. Timbres died of typhus; his family returned to America. In 1948, the AFSC sent 4,000 vials of streptomycin to Russia, where it was given to children in tuberculosis hospitals.
Publications in Russian; Pamphlets about the East-West Tension—London YM's To All Men (1919), Christian Life, Faith & Thought (1920's), & Goodwill (1950) were distributed in Russia. Henry Hodgkin's Pendle Hill class put together "Seeing Ourselves Through Russia" & published it in 1932. The US & the Soviet Union: Some Quaker Proposals for Peace (1949) was put together by the AFSC; 65,000 copies were made. They consulted with "anybody & everybody who had anything to offer towards a permanent & honorable peace. They believed that the Russians might change their fundamental attitude to the West & accept a future in which both systems lived side by side... To make the transition as soon as possible from hate to tolerance, they urged the US to take the lead ..." A Russian official said that his government considered the Quaker proposals very business-like.
On a Sunday in April 1951, AFSC published a full-page ad called "A Time for Greatness" or Steps to Peace. The steps were: a new kind of negotiation; strengthening the UN as a peace-making agency; a new approach to disarmament; financial and technical assistance to depressed and underdeveloped areas. 95,000 copies of Steps to Peace have been distributed. It calls the attention of diplomats and others to the Quaker concern for reconciliation, to the Quaker belief that differences in conviction and point of view need not lead to war.
The Mission to Moscow, 1951—The June 1951 London Meeting for Sufferings announced acceptance of an invitation from the Soviet Peace Committee for a visit of Friends to the Soviet Union. Over 300 years of Quaker history, our Discipline has asked the perennial question: Where differences arise, are endeavors made speedily to end them? How can an ending of differences be applied to groups of nations? London YM chose a party of 7 to go to Moscow. The daily press of England and America reported at length the 3½ hour interview with the Deputy Foreign Minister, Jacob Malik, who reiterated the 5 points of the Soviet peace plan: cooperation between the Great Powers to conclude a Pact of Peace; reduction of arms and prohibition of atomic weapons; carrying out the Potsdam decisions on the German question; concluding peace settlements with Germany and Japan; developing trade and economic relations between all countries.
Among those who went was Leslie Metcalf, who helped set up a great electrical installation in Russia 25 years ago. The others were: Gerald Bailey; Margaret Backhouse; Paul Cadbury; Dr. Mildred Creak; Frank Ed-mead; & Kathleen Lonsdale. This group reported to the Meeting for Suffering: "We are confident our visit was abundantly justified ... Direct personal contact between British Friends & persons of standing in the Soviet Union was God's purpose & [will] promote some mutual understanding & friendship between peoples which God's peace demands." They recommended: "making a reality of Christian & democratic professions; rejecting wrong or misguided Soviet policy & recognizing the good & the progress in that same policy; avoid the same practices we deplore in them; resisting "[automatic] skepticism" of any Soviet peace declarations & approaches."
They got to see monuments of the Russian past & achievements of the Soviet present, the notable results of government planning in modernizing "a still relatively primitive country." They attended a week-night service in the Baptist Church in Moscow. Leslie Metcalf spoke briefly in Russian, & read London YM's Goodwill message, then asked all to stand "in silent intercession before God that God's peace might come into the world." They conferred with dignitaries of the Russian Orthodox Communion by whom they were received in Christian love. They protested to newspaper editors against "embittering propaganda"; they visited a Chinese & an Indian diplomat. Friends everywhere must dedicate themselves to reconciliation in this gravely divided world. The Quaker's lifeblood is setting aside claims of home & business, trusting in the undiscovered ends [& fruits of their labors].
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301 Spiritual Linkage with Russians: The Story of a Leading (By Anthony Manousos; 1992)
About the Author—Anthony Manousos attended Princeton Meeting as of 1985; he joined in 1986. He earned Ph. D. in Classics & 18th century British Literature, & has taught at 5 colleges & universities. He has led workshops on writing & Soviet-American reconciliation at Friends General Conference, conducted retreats, & published poems in Friends Journal. He was the Wilmer Young International Peace & Reconciliation Scholar at Pendle Hill. He married Kathleen Ross, a Methodist minister; they have had a challenging joint venture together.

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334 The Bosnian Student Project: A Response to Genocide By Douglas Hostetter (1997)
About the Author—Doug Hostetter, a writer and nonviolent activist who has worked in war zones around the world for 3 decades, is the International/ Interfaith Secretary of the Fellowship of Reconciliation (FOR) in the United States. For the past 4 years he has also been the Director of FOR's Bosnian Student Projects. He served on a committee that reports to the World Council of Churches on the subject of Christian pacifism.

[Luke 10: 25-29, the Good Samaritan's prologue, which ends with the question "Who is my neighbor?"]
The neighbor my father had coffee with [daily] stole everything from our home & burned it down—Damir
My next-door neighbor now lives in our home. They use everything that once belonged to us.—Dalila
My best friend was raped all night by Serbian soldiers. It was 3 days before she could talk.—Alisa
The National Library of Bosnia & Herzegovina—On August 25, 1993 the Serb army shelled the National Library from the mountains surrounding Sarajevo. The old City Hall was turned into the Library in 1945, with more than a million books by Bosnian Serbs, Croats, Muslims, Jews and others. Volunteers formed a book brigade and saved thousands of books. More than a million books, as well as documents, manuscripts, and rare books were lost to the flames. Serbs, Croats, and Muslims were directly involved with the Bosnian Student Project, proof that multicultural societies cannot be destroyed by shells and bombs.
Introduction—The Bosnian Student Project of the FOR helped more than 150 Bosnian students of all ethnic/ religious backgrounds to escape from the war zone and continue their education in the US. It saved the lives of students and gave Americans something positive to do in the face of an overwhelming tragedy.
[During the Vietnam War], I volunteered to do my alternative service with the Mennonite Central Committee in the Tam Ky war zone in Vietnam. I organized schools and teachers for children displaced by American bombing. The Quakers in Quang Ngai and their Vietnamese Buddhist staff taught me tolerance and inclusion. They patiently helped me to understand that God has children in all nations and followers in all religious traditions. I have since spent my life working with people of faith to explore the power of active non-violence in the war zones of Vietnam, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Israel/ Palestine, the Persian Gulf, and Bosnia. Before FOR, I worked for 7 years at American Friends Service Committee's New England Regional Office.
My Mennonite ancestors in 16th century Switzerland were persecuted & killed by the Christians of their day for deserting the state church & for refusing to kill in God's name. The Bosnian victims' sole crime was coming from a religious tradition different from that of the occupying army. In 1914, a peace conference of European religious leaders in Switzerland broke up after Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated in Sarajevo, Bosnia & World War One started. Henry Hodgkin, a British Quaker, & Friedrich Sigmund-Schultze, a German Lutheran pastor, continued their struggle for peace. The FOR was founded that same year, in the midst of world war. Their statement of purpose is in part: "The FOR is composed of women & men who recognize the power of love & truth in resolving conflict ... This effort must be based on a commitment to achieving [through non-violence & compassionate action] a just and peaceful world community, with full dignity and freedom for every human being." The German pastor was arrested 27 times during WWI, and later exiled. Even Henry Hodgkin faced enormous pressure from the British government. This essay is the story of the Bosnian Student Project.
Background: State, Religion, & Identity in Bosnia—Yugoslavia was originally composed of 6 republics and 2 autonomous regions. In the early 1990's, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, and Macedonia voted to secede. Slovenia and Macedonia seceded without major incidents, but Croatia, Bosnia, and Serbia have been involved in a war for over 5 years costing over 250,000 lives. Serbia is mostly Orthodox Christian; Croatia is mostly Roman Catholic. Bosnia is multi-cultural. The percentages of ethnic Croatians, Serbians, and Muslims is 18%, 33%, 45%, respectively. The remaining 4% is Jews, Albanians, Italians, and others. Ethnic Serbians and Croatians are considered citizens of Serbia or Croatia, respectively, regardless of where they live. Serbia employed "ethnic cleansing" of communities with minority Serbian populations to bring ethnic Serbs into Serbia.
[The former Yugoslavia runs from northwest to southeast along the Adriatic Sea to the southwest, 573 miles long by 235 miles at its widest. Slovenia takes up a small space in the northwest corner. To the southeast, Croatia is roughly shaped like a horseshoe; the inner curve surrounds Bosnia; there is an eastern border with Serbia. Bosnia is roughly triangular; it shares its southeast border with Serbia & Montenegro. Serbia is east of Croatia, Bosnia, & Montenegro & makes up over a ⅓ of the former Yugoslavia. Macedonia is in the southeastern corner]. They are bordered by: Italy, Austria, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, Greece, Albania, & the Adriatic Sea].
The Concern—As stories of rape, murder and concentration camps began to emerge in 1992, FOR began searching for ways that US citizens could respond to this enormous tragedy. An American Muslim delegation to Croatia discovered thousands of displaced Bosnian students; Croat and Bosnian armies were fighting in Bosnia. The students organized into Students of Bosnia & Herzegovina to try to find a way to continue their education. [A New York Sufi imam tried without success get scholarships for them]. He called FOR and asked for a meeting. The imam asked: "Is there anything that FOR can do to help the thousands of Bosnian students unable to continue their education because of religion? Could FOR help to find scholarships and homes for some of these students? Thus, the Bosnian Student Project was placed in our hands.
How the Project Started/ Impact—The project started with Bosnian university students trapped in Croatia, and expanded to include high school and college, inside and outside of Bosnia. [The logistics of matching students with schools and families seemed overwhelming, as did getting them out of the war zone and to the US, often without any school records to work from]. FOR offered a large office with equipment, admin. support, some of my staff time and a network of local FOR groups & religious peace fellowships. The project's strengths were: it was elegantly simple; it empowered individuals (they could promote participation in some part of the project); it offered a positive, neighborly, statement of faith (and was clearly against war and genocide); it offered a participatory model of interfaith cooperation.
Whenever I spoke about the project, I took 1 or more Bosnian students along. The students & their audience experienced pain in reliving war's tragedies. Telling these stories had a cathartic & empowering effect on the students; they were participants, not helpless victims; they inspired listeners. The stories the young people told broke American stereotypes that societies which succumb to ethnic violence & genocide lacked education, had poverty, or a fanatical, violent religion. [These students] (& the leaders who had organized the soldiers who drove them from their homes) [were well-educated]. [The students enjoyed past-times common to the US & Bosnia, & American culture]. The Bosnian Student Project could help anyone who wanted to get involved to save the life of one Bosnian student, & help that student continue his/ her education in the US.
Some Student Stories—Many of the Bosnian students had been driven from their homes and deprived of the ability to continue their education by "Christian" armies or governments which had slaughtered or expelled from their area all people of other religious traditions. American Christians [reached back to] the much older Judeo-Christian tradition of hospitality, compassion, and love as practiced by Patriarchs, Christ, and the apostolic church. [The Christian love shown to them by Christian families and schools came as a shock to many of them].
[Lejla]—As a [white], Bosnian Muslim student from Mostar, she was a freshman at Sarajevo University. She returned home, where she was shelled by Serbian Christians, then driven from her home & shelled by Bosnian Croat Christians, who 1st came to help. They escaped to Croatia, where she went to university until Croatia declared Bosnian Muslims foreigners, without rights to low fees or housing. The Bosnian Student Project found a full tuition scholarship for Lejla at Iona College and a home with an African-American Catholic family.
[Dino, Methodists & the Project]—An evangelical Methodist layman had heard of a Mennonite school offering scholarships. After prayer & discussion, his prayer group decided they had a Christian responsibility to help Bosnian Muslim students. A local evangelical Christian college offered scholarships to Dino & Emir. [After difficulties], FOR suggested that the group sponsor other students. After prayerful consideration the group reported they were convinced they should bring Dino & Emir. Emir stayed to defend Sarajevo, while Dino left.
[American Muslims & Jews]—The Jerrahi Order of America is a Sufi Muslim religious order with a congregation in Spring Valley, New York. Its leader, Tosun Bayrak, was the man who initially discovered the Bosnian Muslim's plight in Croatia & asked FOR to help. The congregation's families hosted over 12 Bosnian students or did innumerable hours of volunteer work. Many of Jewish host's families were survivors, or relatives of survivors of the Holocaust. This project offered them an opportunity to [pass on] the kindness they received from Christians to a Muslim who was also in dire need of protection. One Jewish couple was inspired to write Young People from Bosnia Talk About War, a book of student interviews & discussion about prejudice & genocide.
[Maja]—She was a freshman at Sarajevo University; her father was Muslim & her mother a Serb Christian. Maja went to Belgrade, Serbia to stay with their aunt. Maja's father was imprisoned & tortured; her mother was humiliated by Serb soldiers for marrying a Muslim. A high-ranking family friend in the military was able to take Maja's father to a hospital outside the country. [The family reunited in Turkey]. She attended a school run by a Muslim voluntary agency until they found out she was only ½ Muslim & was asked to leave. Bryna & Harvey Fireside started a committee to find homes & scholarships for Bosnian students. The committee included: Ithaca College's Protestant chaplain; Cornell University's Jewish chaplain; Muslim, Jewish, Christian faculty from Cornell. Bosnian student scholarship were made possible by people of many faiths in several different countries. Before Maja graduated with honors from Cornell, her father died from complications of his wartime torture.
Interfaith Focus—In the former Yugoslavia we worked with the World University Service, with a Serb (Orthodox) director in Sarajevo, & a Croat (Roman) director in Zagreb. The US Project's director was a Mennonite & the office manager an American Muslim. Christian, Muslim, & Jewish volunteers assisted the national office during the project. This is the 1st project in FOR-USA history where Christians, Jews, & Muslims worked together in communities. We started helping students in Croatia, & expanded to include college-aged Bosnian refugees worldwide. We later expanded our program to include [& protect] Bosnian high school students.
In the development of our informational materials, we tried to emphasize interfaith cooperation so as to be accessible to Americans of all faiths. The central slogan of the project was a Talmud quote: "To save one life, it is as if you had saved the world." One brochure packet contained prayers for peace from the Orthodox, Catholic, Muslim, and Jewish traditions, and names and addresses of peace organizations in all of the states of the former Yugoslavia. "The Bosnian Student Project" packet contained sponsorship forms for families who wanted to host a student, and several student stories detailing how and why they came to the US. Project information was circulated in FOR's Fellowship magazine and sent to FOR local groups and US peace fellowships.
Examples of Interfaith Cooperation—A full tuition scholarship from a host school was often not enough; we would often have to raise funds required for room and board at the school, transportation and communication overseas, books, clothes, medical insurance. Adis, a Bosnian Muslim escaped from the Trnopolje concentration camp with the help of a friend of his mother. Iona Prep (New Rochelle, NY) offered him a scholarship. A Croatian volunteer prepared his visa; a Muslim volunteer (Nyack, NY) arranged travel; a Presbyterian church (White Plains, NY), paid airfare, and a church elder there offered him a home.
We asked and expected host families to welcome students into their homes and places of worship, but also to look for a house of worship consistent with the student's religion if asked. How could a Christian school or congregation welcome Muslim or mixed-family students into their midst and still accept the student as they were? A Muslim imam said: "We believe that there is one God, one religion, one race; we are all children of Adam and Eve. ... [We want] Bosnian Muslim children in the moral atmosphere of parochial colleges ... Children may go to chapel and, in a serene atmosphere, meditate, saying their own prayers and participating." A Baptist pastor said: "Being a friend of Sanela, holding her as she cries and we cry with her, has helped our congregation move beyond the limits of religious separation ... and accept Sanela as a Muslim member of our Baptist church." Sanela wrote: "Did you know that Baptists and Muslims pray to the same God?"
A Serbian-American opened her home to a Bosnian Muslim art student. The host's mother warned against allowing a "Muslim fundamentalist" into her home. The mothers of both the host and the student agreed that it was a wonderful placement. The "enemy," when viewed up close, looks a lot like oneself. The Bosnian Student Project made it obvious that Muslims and Jews need not be antagonists. Some students came to feel like part of their Jewish "family," and some families provided solace, rituals, and prayers to students who lost family in the war zone while in America. [All too] many host families needed to provide this kind of support.
Family & Community Contact—One Bosnian mother wrote: "You are more than friends for us. You are 2nd parents to our children. We are conscious how much you sacrifice that our sons not suffer with us in the war... Our children are safe & going to school. Thank God." I was able to travel both ways with family pictures. It felt like a sacred obligation to be a bridge between members of a family separated by war. One mother explained: "You have been the face of God to us at a time when the whole world seems to have turned its back on [us]."
When the war ended a few months later, it seemed feasible to organize a few small work camps in Bosnia. FOR had grassroots contacts which made organizing work camps in Bosnia possible, even in the chaos of the recently ended war. Bosnian students educated in the US could work as interpreters. Host parents and others interested in learning about the Bosnian war could help in modest ways with healing and reconstruction. We structured the day so that ⅓ of the time we learned from Bosnians, ⅓ of the time we spent in social or educational activities, ⅓ of the time we used our skills and experience to help the community.
It seemed important that work camp participants be as ethnically and religiously diverse as possible. The skills of the participants were faxed to our contacts there so that they would know how best to use us. One group of 11 traveled to the northwestern provincial town of Bihac and the other group of 11 went to the capital city of Sarajevo; both groups were well received. [Besides medical, educational, and rehabilitation services], some of us listened to war survivors speak of loss & destruction of homes and communities. The US participants learned how fragile and precious are diverse multicultural societies, and how easily they can be destroyed.
Conclusion—The Bosnian Student Project's principal weapons in its struggle against genocide were love and inclusion. We helped rebuild the human community which others were trying to destroy. We gave witness to our belief that these students of a different ethnicity, religion, and nationality than our own were our neighbors, part of our human family. Alma was a Bosnian Muslim high school student who was hosted in Bar Harbor, ME by a Quaker family. She wrote: "I wanted to expand my views about the world and people, and I wanted to convince myself that all people are not capable of the hatred I saw in my war experience. I wanted to receive a wide range of education, so I could contribute to my country's reconstruction."
Bojana is a Bosnian Serb student who spent 2 years in Gorazde and 2 years in Pale. From New Jersey she wrote a letter: "To young people who got killed in the Bosnian war. Today was my 1st day in college! I enjoy seeing young people and being surrounded by natural freedom and their voices ... Something assimilates and something remains apart. I feel very blessed to have found the happy problems of peace ... I was thinking of you so deeply ... I cannot resist the thought that you are absent ... You are supposed to be in your classes too ... I hope that what happened is a strong reason for the world to take care of their children by taking care of each other. I hope that God's comforting heart brings peace to painfulness we struggle to understand.
Epilogue—The FOR Bosnian Student Project has now involved 26 high school & 154 college students. [There is a student list at the end of the pamphlet]. The Project decided to concentrate on supporting the education of those who are already in our program. As many students as possible were encouraged to return & assist in the effort to rebuild a tolerant, multicultural society in their own land. For many Bosnian students, however, going home isn't a possibility where their home towns are controlled by non-Bosnians. Many students have had to rejoin families who still live as refugees in places like Turkey or Canada. 21 students have had parents follow them to the US. Only 15 of our students have been able to return to their families in Bosnia or Croatia.
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348. Journey to Bosnia, Return to Self (by Suzanne Hubbard O'Hatnick; 2000)
About the Author/ GENESIS of PROJECT —Suzanne O'Hatnick is currently working in Bosnia and Herzegovina (BiH) on a 2-year project funded by the US Agency for International Development (USAID). She earned her BA in French at Hollins College and her MAT in French and Spanish at the University of Pittsburgh. She has served as an organizational development consultant to grass-roots non-profit organizations globally.
On the way to Mexico, I went instead to BiH. I was asked, "Why go so far away; what connection can 'those people' and 'their war' possibly have with us? Their life-stories taught me about my life. We can share our pain, our joy and life in the Spirit, however we define it.
Introduction/ Leaving Home—War broke out in BiH in spring 1992 following the breakup of Yugoslavia. Bosnian Serbs boycotted the referendum vote to leave the former Yugoslavia, & attacked non-Serbian neighbors. War officially ended December 15, 1995 with the Dayton Peace Accords (DPA). Returning refugees & restoring relationships between neighbors and governments has been an arduous and uneven process. My 1996 trip was an important part of my spiritual journey. It was I who was the refugee; Bosnia brought me back to myself.
I quit my job [of arranging face-to-face cultural exchange], left my husband and went to Bosnia. With the kids grownup and moved away, it seemed time to hand over the programs of exchange to new people with fresh ideas. I felt drawn to approach the business of creating a more peaceful world in new ways myself. Why do we sometimes choose isolation and alienation over exchange and relationship?
I found that to work honestly with organizations in trouble I had to be honest with myself and I had not been. My marriage was in trouble. Interspersed with the affection and good teamwork, we had played a game of dominance and submission, control and manipulation. I was not the ever compliant and always agreeable wife and I didn't want to pretend any longer.
I trained with Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT) to prepare for working in international conflict. The fascination with finding nonviolent solutions to intractable conflict had much to do with my personal failures. [A friend introduced me to meditation, which was a scary prospect]. Meditation became wordless prayer, a kind of listening or expectant silence. Friends invited me to their Quaker meeting, & I felt I had come home. My prayer & worship at Friends meeting introduced me to the layers of conflict in my life, & I determined to addressed them. [I reconciled with past hurts & professional relationships]. I couldn't detach my self enough from hurt of my home conflicts to see how to change. I felt, as Quakers phrase it, led, pulled out of the world I had known & into unknown place where I needed to be. I felt confident, truly as though led by God, or that inner Right.
PASSING THROUGH ZAGREB—I hadn't intended to go to Bosnia, [but rather Mexico]. I had lived in Latin America as a child & served there in the Peace Corps; I was fluent in Spanish. Instead, Gene Stoltzfus, executive director of CPT, asked me to go to Bosnia for 3 months to help the International Mennonite Organization (IMO) set up a peace team. At 1st I said no; Gene persisted. I held his request in prayer & consulted with a clearness committee, who asked gentle questions about finances & spiritual leadings. In both cases I felt led to go.
The town I was going to was Jalce, a mountain town in central Bosnia under Croat control of local government. Its population dropped from 43,000 to 12,000, & became mostly Bosnian Croats because of the war. My family, was mostly supportive; my husband was angry. Relieved to be away from his wrath, yet disappointed for not figuring out how better to deal with him, I left. I spent a few days in Germany before flying to Zagreb. [After being taken to] embassy to report my presence, [my co-workers] escorted me to local youth hostel.
[My co-workers], Randy and Amela Puljek Shank, married in spring 1995 in Bosnia. Amela was passionate about working for peace in her hometown of Jajce, by developing a peace team for there. Zagreb had been [physically untouched by war] and was lovely in an Old World, slightly neglected way. I wept when I saw black-eyed Susans like those at home and remembered the failing marriage I had fled. [I had trouble finding food because of the language barrier; my camera and watch broke; I couldn't use email or figure out how to make an international call. [I had a little bit of human contact later that day and it cheered me up a little]. The Croatian countryside was picturesque. [Crossing into Bosnia introduced me to war-devastated houses and a nearly deserted countryside]. I thought: "What have we human done? What will Jajce be like?
ARRIVAL in JAJCE—Jajce was an ancient hill town in central Bosnia, a 5-hour bus ride from Zagreb, & once the seat of government for Yugoslavia. It had a famous, dramatic waterfall & the ruins of a hilltop castle on its highest hill. The stucco houses surrounding it were mostly shell-pocked, & many were gutted, plundered, desecrated, & marred by graffiti. The wild profusion of beautiful rose bushes in the yards stood in stark contrast to their houses. The ancient mosque had been bombed & every stone had been carted off. The Serb Orthodox Church & the Roman Catholic Church were in ruins. The house I lived in was partly refurbished, with water and a working sink in the kitchen only. The housemate that was there for my first 3 weeks was Lena from Canada.
In 1992, it had been under Serbian siege for 5½ months; they especially targeted the Muslim Old Town. They overcame the Croatian army, & overnight its inhabitants fled. Some hid while Serbian families moved in, taking over dwellings & looting houses. The Croats allowed to return by the new government after the Serbs were forced out, repeated the same [devastating] process. Under the Dayton peace accords, the Croat-sitting government of Jajce allowed 200 Muslim or Bosnian families to return as a refugee-return pilot project, less than a year before I arrived with a million questions. Amela asked, "Why don't you just slow down & pay attention?
COFFEE with the NEIGHBORS—[Instead of] responding to questions about strategic planning, I was told to "Go have coffee with the neighbors." I studied my text book an hour a day, & more hours with neighbors, drinking coffee & listening. There was ritual in this, with few words & many gestures. The woman invites; the husband often roasts & grinds beans [as we wait]. A woman isn't considered marriageable until she has mastered the preparing of good Bosnian coffee. There are a variety of preparation methods. The women could work miracles with humanitarian aid flour, like a delicious pita stuffed with fresh fruit or vegetables from the garden.
Stories of the war would emerge over coffee, with few words, but much emotion and gesturing [at the stories their houses had to tell. Often neighbors joined us as we sat together. Over time I became trusted in this land where trust is not given easily. I discovered people who lived in joy, without material goods. When I al-lowed myself to feel my sad [and fearful] moments, I found there was another side, a richer deeper experience [in facing them and more empathy with others' fears]. My initial handicap in language turned out to be a great benefit, [as it forced more careful listening, and disabled me from interrupting]. It slowed my speaking and listening. Also, I had to walk everywhere. I learned people's stories, among them the stories of Sevleta, Charo, Dina, Randy and Amela, who taught me about Jajce, themselves, and myself.
PEACEBUILDING—[I had planned on] seeking out Muslim leaders to learn their problems & hopes, but [my contacts & Serbo-Croatian skills were non-existent], & my task was to help Randy & Amela, [& work with Lena], not direct them. I thought we would meet for prayer & planning, but the others were consumed with their own tasks, like planning for the German volunteers coming over the summer. 15 volunteers moved into our small 2-bedroom house. More than 70 stayed with us by the end of the summer, up to 2 weeks at a time.
It was constant negotiation to get permission to work in a balanced & open way on Croat & Muslim houses. I hiked a ½-hour to Randy & Amela's house to send CPT emails. I was told to forget reports. "Send stories. Tell us about the people's lives." I attended Muslim funerals & walked with people who were scared of the police. I tried making Bosnian foods. I organized the household so it could accommodate 15 people at a time.
If we were to work toward reconciliation, contact with more than City Hall would be necessary. The volunteers were hard workers, cheerful and outgoing. The house's young men would come back and begin to help. The apathy of Croat and Muslim that hung over the town lifted a little. Croat homes were well furnished with someone else's property; Muslim homes were mostly assembled with odds and ends and donated items. The young unbiased Croat man married to a Muslim woman and the young Croat women who gave humanitarian aid to all who were needy earned my admiration. A longtime Croat resident maintained her close friendship with her longtime Muslim neighbors despite snide comments from newer Croat neighbors.
In September 1996, Randy, Amela, and I were to be election monitors in the first national elections. I felt trusted by the local people I visited each day, but I was not sure that Randy and Amela trusted me. Neither wanted to be dominated by me, so I adopted an uncharacteristically passive role. We talked about an action to take to create a peaceful environment for the election; we could arrive at nothing useful. I said, "Why don't we invite local folks to join us in prayers for peace during the elections? Why don't we ask our email list friends to pray with us? For 2 weeks leading up to the election we met daily at 7 PM and prayed for a peaceful election. Faith communities in the US joined us, as did a few local people, none of whom had used prayer before. Out of our different faith traditions, we crafted a worship service that incorporated silence, Biblical readings, spoken prayer, and sharing intimate thoughts and fears; we decided to continue the daily communal prayer. We were bound together through common worship; we developed trust, from which a more seasoned team began to emerge. As we sought "that of God," we found it and the love and trust to work together in ourselves.
THE LONG JOURNEY HOME—Sevleta had been a kindergarten teacher, which explained her patience with my primitive language ability. We could discuss anything in simple language; we enjoyed each other's company. I visited her in her rented apartment, where she lived alone while she tried to get her house back. Her family's Muslim name had been on the DPA's "list of 200" allowed to return to Jajce. She has all the documents for her house, where a Croat family is living and refusing to leave. She was threatened with bombing if she got her house back; she is more angry than afraid. The UN does nothing to protect them.
I accepted the coffee & cold drink she offered, since I knew that coffee drinking is the glue of friendship in Bosnia. She took me on a walk down bombed, once-lovely streets, past an empty school, to her old school, now repaired & run by Catholic nuns, who won't let her teach. As we pass through Sevleta's neighborhood, she chatted with old neighbors. We walked through the gate into her old garden in the rear of her house. She showed me the highlights of her garden: fruit trees; flowers; & especially roses, in a wide array of colors. She wouldn't be intimidated & a year later had her house back, stripped of window frames & floor tiles, but still hers once again.
AGAINST ALL ODDS—We went to visit the house Amela's friend, Charo. At first we could not find the house; [we passed the ruins of a stately manor 3 times before] deciding to look behind these ruins. At the rear of the building we were surprised to see a colorful flower garden, a large vegetable garden, and carefully-tended fruit trees. We peered into the ruined house through an open back hallway that had been covered with a plastic flap. We saw Charo, a roughly-dressed, tall, spare, lanky old gentleman; he embraced Amela warmly.
Charo directed us to a cozy room that was living room, dining room, bedroom, & kitchen. Plastic covered window frames, & covered ceiling & floor of missing 2nd-story. He had had tracheotomy, leaving an open hole in his throat. In spite of that hole, Charo talked; he needed to talk. He told of being from landed gentry, joining Communist partisans during WWII, giving up family's lands, & serving under Tito, leader of WWII partisans, & head of Yugoslavia until his death in the late 1980's. Conversation drifted to past pleasure with neighbors, & to more recent, near-death wartime experiences. Neighbors helped them sparingly furnish this room.
Despite burglary, vandalism, & graffiti-threats, they stayed. They were able to laugh, smile, offer coffee, & visit with old, returning friends. The German volunteers couldn't repair the house, but representatives of the Austrian government visited, & repairs were begun in 1996. [As of the end of 1999, they still weren't complete].
RAMO'S EXTRA HOUSE—James was a Swiss Old Order Mennonite living in Germany in his late 20's, who came to Bosnia to be of service. James Brown had had to leave Switzerland because he refused to serve in the military; he and his father disagreed on this point. James assignment was to work on Ramo's and Nadja's Muslim home on top of an isolated hill. They were not on the list of those permitted to return, but were not harassed because of their isolation. At the end of 2 weeks Ramo and Nadja had a livable home—and an adopted son, James. Ramo and James had much in common; they had found a special rapport and formed a special bond.
James left reluctantly, & returned in the fall with a new work crew to [get a special request from Ramo]. Next door to Ramo's house was his dead brother's. He hoped that his sister-in-law's family might return to live next door like they once had. Half the roof & most of the 2nd floor had been destroyed. Walls were missing, it was full of dirt, debris, & was missing flooring, windows, doors, plumbing & electrical fixtures; the burnt family car blocked the entrance. The team got to work, pitting their modest skills against the destroyed home's challenge. The team knew they wouldn't have time to work on other houses that needed less work & had inhabitants. But the warm friendship between James and Ramo swayed this team. They rebuilt the "impossible house."
DINA'S STORY/ A CIRCLE of SAFETY, A CIRCLE of LIGHT—Dina had been born in Jajce & lived there all her life until forced out in 1992. Her Muslim parents were internally displaced persons in a nearby town & couldn't return. Being born in Jajce didn't make her a citizen. Only those permitted by the local government to return had valid papers. 200 Muslims were allowed to return; no one mentioned the Serbs' return. Dina was registered as a foreigner in her hometown. It was difficult for those of the wrong party or those without papers to return. It was easier & safer for foreigners to enter town. All city governments had vested interest in discouraging returnees of opposing parties or ethnic groups.
As a foreigner, Dina could work on restoring her home; the rest of her family couldn't come openly. Her father joined her in secret, & slept at our house. Some volunteers joined them in cleaning their home. [The house was in the usual state of one having been bombed & stripped]. Dina took a chance & used a municipal dumpster without incident, possibly because of the international presence or her own status as a foreigner. Dina & her father sadly decided they couldn't do or add anything more without it being removed. They boarded up the house & left. Another empty house in Jajce waited. Over the next 2 years family members came back to work on the house secretly. They began to complete the bulk of the work & stay longer. The family now lives in their home.
As an international in Bosnia, I could walk around freely even at night. Why were some of my [Muslim] neighbors afraid to walk to town during the day? [If there was no international presence, either volunteers, Implementation Force (NATO), or international police, at the funerals Muslim former citizens were allowed in town for, the local police would disrupt, insult, & otherwise rush mourners out of town; Muslims were powerless to respond]. Muslims working openly on their house with international volunteers had no one interfering. Walking home in the evening, I found that I was the protection for my Muslim friends, not the reverse. Even standing by watching as police questioned a driver seemed to change the exchange's character. International presence brings with it the world's eyes, a circle of light to a dark scene. It seems such a small thing, simply to be present.
MAYOR LUCIC—Randy and I visited the acting mayor of Jajce, Jozo Lucic, to share concerns, hear his views, and quash any untrue tales [of international response to the situation in Jajce]. It was his army unit that had taken Jajce from the Serbs and his reward was to be declared Mayor; the elected Muslim mayor lived in "exile" in a nearby town. It was clear that Jozo ruled with the direction and approval of high government officials from [the bordering country of Croatia]. Randy and I thought we had been more than fair to Jajce in our interviews. Our concern was to say nothing that would jeopardize anyone's safety; none of us had referred to terrorists, which was Jozo's contention. We offered to show him our Internet stories so that he could see that what we said were perhaps unpleasant truths, but not lies. [He implied that we were short-sighted, narrow-minded, judgmental, and had been insensitive to the "slaughter" during the war]. [I responded with challenging questions on how former non-Croats, and Muslims in particular were treated]. Jozo replied, "... The world community dictates the conditions here ... What do France, England, Germany, America want? ... We had a dictatorship here under Tito. We have little experience with democracy, and it will take time to learn new ways."
As I stopped challenging him and just listened, I saw his position, though I could not agree with it. He was a leader put into place by outside forces, seeking justice for "his people" (Croats). Jozo was from a village outside of Jajce, [so there was the added dimension of city-dweller/ villager conflict. Villagers [resented] those who [had the money to] escape the war and [the nerve to] return home. I found myself feeling sympathy with his struggle to master the world in which he found himself. We had the following exchange: "[Him]: Tell the truth. [Me]: There seem to be so many truths here. [Him]: You know there is a larger truth. Tell that."
MY NIGHT GARDEN—I was locked out of the house one night and sat down at the table and chair outside the front door. Shimmering moonlight glances across the roses in the garden. I was reminded of another night garden I had created. The leader of a women's workshop told us to make a collage with colors we dislike the most. Silver-green foil became leaves in moonlight, pasted to a brown tree on a black background. There were flowers, grass, a moon, and in the tree a fuzzy heart and an orange pipe-cleaner owl; the night garden was beautiful. How can we touch something and make it beautiful, or perhaps see more clearly the beauty that is there? How is this dark ugliness waiting for a transformation of which we are a part? [The people whose story I told], what filled them with [persistence and] hope?
I was deflected from Mexico to a place where I knew no one, had no language skills, & was confused by political rhetoric. The slow pace & the initial isolation gave me time to take stock of myself & accept who I was. I could be present with a loving intent. I had come to help & was helped myself. Sevleta showed me courage in facing authority; Charo chose joy in facing life. Dina & Amela showed that being present with others through their trials can be as important as doing. In Bosnia, the laws seemed upside down, authoritative, male-dominated, more like something out of Alice in Wonderland than the rational orderliness I expected. A quality of endurance coupled with family solidarity seemed the glue that supported people in insupportable times. I also learned about my husband's Eastern European roots. Would that understanding help in my marriage? I had changed, had he? In my night garden, I could see the beauty in the darkness, be present, and learn not to be afraid of the dark.
AN EPILOGUE: JANUARY 2000: 4 YEARS LATER—I returned to BiH the next 3 years, each time to a different city; I kept in touch with those I met in 1996. Marriage as a sacred covenant took on greater significance to me as my husband & I began in new ways to know, respect, listen, & cherish each other. I was recruited to run a 2-year program funded by the US Agency for International Development (USAID) that worked with 30 local non-governmental organizations (NGO) on management training & developing public advocacy projects.
Why, when one feels so strongly led by God to venture forth, to take some action, is it so terribly difficult? "God calls me in my weakness, to grow." Communities and nations are called to grow, too. There is hope in small changes and improvements in daily interaction among people letting go of fear. There are ways we touch one another, a tapestry of life we weave together, no matter where we are.
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